Wives and Smoking

I saw some posts about wives and smoking. Is there anyone out there who is: A) Still happily married and B) Your wife DOES NOT share and/or love your hobby of cigar smoking? If so, what are some good suggestions on how to keep the peace, the marriage, and still keep your hobby? (I know I am going to get some smart a$$ responses here, but some creative ideas mixed in would be appreciated!) :-)


  • sightunseensightunseen Posts: 2,130
    Buy a new wife.

    Now that the smartass answer is out of the way...

    My girlfriend does not typically indulge but does support my hobby. She occasionally gets annoyed when she thinks I spend too much time with cigars, which is valid because a decent smoke can last anywhere from an hour to two hours. I try to make sure that she comes first, so we'll hang out and spend time together before I go light one up.

    For the married folks, one thing I've read a lot is the amount of money spent on cigars. Some people work around that with separate bank accounts, etc. I guess the overall lesson I've learned (personally and from the forum) is to communicate with your spouse that this is something you are passionate about. Anyone that loves you should realize and respect that.
  • Ha ha. Yes, buying a new wife could be an option; but this one is a pretty good value so I will keep her. I have heard the adage to put God first, wife second, and family third. So I guess the rest falls behind that, whether it be cigars or sports or any other hobby. Thanks sightunseen!
  • I'm still a newbie with just about a year of smoking cigars, been married 13 years but I smoke on the patio (not in the house or garage) and if she's home I'll usually take a shower after smoking so as not to carry the smell all over the house. I also really try not to overbuy cigars, but that happens from time to time :)
  • wwhwangwwhwang Ottawa, ON, CanadaPosts: 2,877
    She doesn't count your cigars, you won't count her purses and shoes :) Nuff said.
  • PuroFreakPuroFreak Posts: 4,132
    My wife will occasionally take a puff off my cigar but for the most part doesn't partake. She doesn't mind me smoking just sometimes gets onto me for buying... Of the cigars she has tried the Tatuaje Reserva SW is her favorite so far.
  • So you were married before the cigars came huh? That is the situation with me and my wife. So there is a bit of adjustment that still has to occur. She is not a huge fan of this hobby (of which I have many). I definitely shower before going to bed after a smoke. The aromas of a good cigar are amazing during; but day-old smoky hair, breath, and clothing are never appetizing to me or her!
  • t_evan50t_evan50 Posts: 1,725
    She doesn't count your cigars, you won't count her purses and shoes :) Nuff said.

    And keeping separate bank accounts helps too. My wife is pretty cool when it comes to my hobbies. Just gotta remember to take one for the team every once in a while and do something she wants. (depresses me just thinkin about it :)
  • undulacundulac Posts: 1,129
    Been married 7 years and I told her a while ago. . .

    1. My football watching days are limited and replaced by watching Dora and Wonder Pets. (two girls ages 4 and 2)
    2. My guys night out have been replaced with her invited her co-workers and their kids over on a Friday night and I have to entertain while they are drinking my booze.
    3. My golf. . . well, don't even get me started. I played in college and used to be good. Upper 60's to lower 70's. If I shot 74 I was ready to shoot myself. Now, I play in a year what I used to play in a month, if not less.
    4. In-laws. Need I say more.

    I basically said that if you take my cigars away, my last and only source of relaxation and feeling like a guy, that I'd have a nervous breakdown. One-two hours a few days a week after the kids go to bed is not too much to ask for. She gave in and now really doesn't question it anymore. That and my dad has estimated that he has had now about 37,000 cigars in his life and she knows it's in my blood.
  • KriegKrieg Posts: 5,071 ✭✭
    My wife couldn't understand why I started smoking cigars, she just sees a "big cigarette". I told her that comparing a cigar to a cigarette is like comparing sugar and splenda...they are not the samething by far. She tried to get me to quit and I rather declined. She has given up trying to get to me to quit and now just have come to terms with it, I can't smoke inside or anything fun like that, but at least she's stopped **** at me. Don't give up, persistence is the key ;)
  • YankeeManYankeeMan Posts: 1,478 ✭✭✭
    I am truly fortunate. On a trip to Myrtle Beach and while at a cigar bar, I let my wife try one of my cigars. It turns out that she liked them and it gives us something to do together that we both enjoy. She has graduated from mild to medium-full cigars.

    Neither of us smokes in the house and weather is now becoming an issue as I do not have a garage and we smoke out on the patio.

    The final issue, that of how many cigars to buy, she has input and I TRY to stick to a reasonable cigar budget.
  • boydmcgowanboydmcgowan Posts: 1,101
    So, I've been with my wife 10 years now (Dating and Married combined), and I've been smoking for around 8 of those years. I think with every marriage or long term relationship each party ends up compromising to some extent on some stuff that the other person thinks is insane. Just figure out what those things are, and talk about what the other persons concerns are and go from there.

    For us, she'll never ask me to quit, but she wants me to keep the annual average to around 1-2 per week, and rarely questions me on the cost becuase I do that myself. Also, I smoke outside only, and always change at least my shirt/jacket when I'm done and come in. Especially now that we have a little one. But again she'll never ask me to quit becuase its important to me, even though she thinks its lame. I think designer Jeans and expensive shoes and purses are retarded, but thats her thing so I give her more leeway there than I would have otherwise. That seems to work for us as long as I don't push it.

    Each couple is different though, but if smoking is a thing you won't give up, tell her that, but then try to figure out why it bothers her and work to address the reason it bugs her. You'll probably need to negotiate the quantity, the time you smoke, or the cost or something. But you won't have to quit and then your both on the same page and its not a "thing" anymore everytime you want to grab a cigar. Nothing like a dirty look on the way out the door to kill the mood to light one up.
  • SchroozSchrooz Posts: 165
    Make sure to time a couple of your smoking sessions with the bedroom session, know what I mean. That way you're amped on the cigar and make like a raging bull. And if she persist in her complaints and take away your cigars, make like a brainless rooster, know what I am getting at? And, needless to say, do take a shower and brush before the action commences. It's kind of a lot of extra work (maybe) and underhanded tactic but it's a last line of defense that may save you.
  • Russ55Russ55 Posts: 2,765
    My wife actually bought me my first humidor. She knows cigars aren't just big cigarettes. As long as I'm reasonable with my purchases it's all good.
  • jship079jship079 Posts: 621
    My wife does not like cigars or that I smoke them but she knows i love it and supports my hobbi we just always disscuss what I am buying so I am held accountable for not spending thousands because I just might she even gets me stuff some times
  • Dustin1981Dustin1981 Posts: 412
    My wife likes the smell of cigars so she enjoys my smoking. She even set up a smoking room for me in the house but I have moved it to the garage since she didnt think about how much it would stink up the house. I thanked her for the thought but moved it all outside. I just manage the amount of money that I spend on cigars and as long as I dont go overboard she doesnt complain.
  • My wife doesnt mind when I meet a buddy at the B&M once per week, its good because it just so happens that the time we go is when she is at work...I also go out on the back porch when she is not around. Usually I just find time when my wife is running errands or at work. It has become a little more difficult as of late however because we have a newborn. Now my only hope to catch a good smoke is at like 2am when both of my babies are sleeping!
  • ScottTDawgScottTDawg Prairie du Chein, WIPosts: 201
    I've been smoking just over a year. When I started, I talked with the wife and promised I would not smoke in the house, I realize she didn't like the aroma.

    Lately, she has joined me outside when I'm smoking. I try to keep her upwind. Surprise, surprise, she liked the aroma of the MOW Ruination. I'd like to get some Acids just to see how she likes those aromas. I'm always up front with her when I buy something, and she is with me. The main emphasis is on communication.
  • LasabarLasabar Posts: 4,470 ✭✭✭
    She doesn't count your cigars, you won't count her purses and shoes :) Nuff said.
    Or marry one too stupid to count, then you don't have a problem!
  • bigharpoonbigharpoon Posts: 2,957 ✭✭✭
    My wife is pretty cool with the whole thing, she even buys me cigars on Father's day. I search for sales, bargains and deals so we don't have money budget issues but rather time budget issues. I make sure I don't slack with my fatherly duties and get my smoking in on "my time" when everything else is done and I'm good to go. The only time I get the hairy eyeball is when another humidor shows up in the mail. Oops.
  • HaysHays Seville, SpainPosts: 2,320 ✭✭✭
    Well I'm not technically married yet, but I've been in my fiance for coming on 5 years, and only been into cigars for the latter part of the relationship. When I first started out, it was definitely an uphill battle - I told her that I was going to maintain a pattern of maybe 1-3 a week (because that's what I was planning on).

    Well, it turned out that I loved it so much, and my smoking gradually increased to 1 or more a day. When she started trying to "enforce" that limit, and get on me about it, I sat down with her and had a serious conversation along the lines of: I am a grown man, and though she may not like it, I am perfectly capable of regulating my own smoking, and my own purchasing. I maintain our finances, and know where our money is at all times, and so I am not buying cigars irresponsibly. I also told her that if it was ever something she absolutely could not stand, then I'd quit - short of that, I'd found a new passion.

    Since then (and it's been over a year), she still doesn't love it, but treats it pretty much as a "boys will be boys" kind of mentality. Added to that is the fact that I really haven't bought cigars for months (bar the once-in-a-blue-moon at the b&m), it's become almost a non-issue. I'd say that really, it's just a matter of time - if you're comfortable in your marriage, and are devoted to each other, I think she will eventually develop some level of comfort with it.
    ¨The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea¨ - Isak Dinesen

    ¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
  • newbiesmoker24:
    Ha ha. Yes, buying a new wife could be an option; but this one is a pretty good value so I will keep her. I have heard the adage to put God first, wife second, and family third. So I guess the rest falls behind that, whether it be cigars or sports or any other hobby. Thanks sightunseen!
    I dunno that god would be that high on my list but... My wife hates smoking. My best friend smokes but I got him a pipe and with our weekly game nights it helps. I smoke in the house but in my office then in my garage. She's never been mad at me or anything however she thinks I have too many cigars. I smoked before we met so that's my out. If I started afterward it may be a different story. I know a lot of guys battle with their wives over it, but some are really supportive and buy them stuff, sometimes good stuff. My wife is in-between. For xmas she gets me stuff but only because I tell her what to get. It be nice for her to get to know more about my hobby but hey, it could be worse.
  • Lasabar:
    She doesn't count your cigars, you won't count her purses and shoes :) Nuff said.
    Or marry one too stupid to count, then you don't have a problem!
    dude, that's a good idea!
  • kuzi16kuzi16 Posts: 14,566 ✭✭✭
    my wife is gong with me to nicaragua on a cigar trip in january.
  • The SniperThe Sniper Posts: 3,910
    My wife understands that cigars are a way for me to relax and unwind, which is why I got involved in the hobby in the first place. When I smoke, I generally dont "do anything" more involved than reading a good book, so it forces me to take an hour or two every once in a while to decompress.

    Decompressed and lower stress husband = less grumpy husband, which in turn = happier houshold.

    Also, I try not to smoke in any enclosed area... smokign outdoros seems to help the smoke to not get into my clothes too badly. Additionally, I always keep in mind what it was like to kiss a smoker before I took up the hobby, and make liberal use of toothpaste, mouthwash and breath mints & gum after I smoke.

    So to summarize, 1) try to get her to understand WHY you smoke cigars, and 2) try to be as considerate as you can when you do.

    Hope this helps some. Good luck, and welcome to the forums!

  • Poker_SlobPoker_Slob Posts: 1,001 ✭✭
    Mrs. Slob totally understands this hobby of ours,and never complains. I am financially responsible about my cigar purchases, which I believes helps quite a bit. I smoke outside when I can, but I also have a fully enclosed sun porch with sliding glass doors on 3 sides for my inside smoking. I feel very lucky with my situation.
  • Thanks for all the feedback everyone. It seems like most of us (except for the very lucky few) have at least some sort of friction on the subject. Although, even in the last week my wife has made less of a big deal about it. I think she just hates the smell mostly. Other than that, as long as I keep it on my time, and within a decent budget, it hasn't been an issue. Thanks!
  • stephen_hannibalstephen_hannibal Posts: 4,317
    Not married but my GF smokes cigars too soooooooo... our aguments over cigars are about the merits of one blend vs. another. I love it.

  • DiamondogDiamondog Posts: 4,169
    Wife initially was not happy about me getting into cigars, quite angry in fact. Once I got tired of her attitude when she knew I was going to have one (got the silent treatment or not very pleasent) I made it clear to her that I understand her concerns and I accept that she doesn't like it but also made it clear I would not tolerate being treated poorly because of it. Once I did that, it was easy for her to accept it and in fact she will sit with me outside and talk as she realizes this is one of the few things that slows me down for any significant period of time so she takes the opportunity...
  • YankeeManYankeeMan Posts: 1,478 ✭✭✭
    Not married but my GF smokes cigars too soooooooo... our aguments over cigars are about the merits of one blend vs. another. I love it.

    You too are a lucky man!

  • I must have got lucky. My wife will take a draw or two, if she likes the smell of the cigar. She bought me my first 20 count humidor when we were dating, cause i would buy some sticks and put them in ziplock bags. For a wedding present she bought me a 300 count humi. She gets on me from time to time about keeping too many sticks. I now have two 300 humi's full. I dont smoke in the house, and i get to keep my hobby. And she has found 3 cigars she loves me to smoke, so she can smoke alittle.
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