Smoking and the kids!

I found that my daughter picks up on EVERYTHING. I'm sure all one year olds are like this but she watches us and mimicks everything we do. Obviously, that's how kids learn the machanics of eating, the social conventions of conversation and interaction, etc. In fact, I never realized how ridiculous I am when I chew gum until my daughter looked at me and started this exagerated chewing/smacking/clicking routine. My wife looked at me and said "That is exactly how you are chewing that gum." So, I decided that I never want my daughter to even see me smoke. I won't ever be smoking in her presence until she is old enough to understand why it is ok for me but not for her, why I don't want her to ever smoke, etc. We had friends over on Saturday for coctails on the deck and I let them know we wouldn't be smoking cigars until after my daughter went to bed. Is it a double standard? I don't know. Anyone have any thoughts to offer?

Comments

  • illinoisgolf99illinoisgolf99 Posts: 1,507
    Seeing as it's your child and not theirs, you are entitled to do whatever you see fit
  • NYHCx516xNYHCx516x Posts: 728
    i think it is a double standard, but as a parent, you are totally allowed to have a double standard! :)
  • Sandman1amSandman1am Posts: 2,567
    I don't think it is a double standard for a few reasons. It is not legal for anyone in the US to buy, have in their poss, or use tobacco products until they are 18. Not saying it doesn't happen but there is a reason behind this. For health reasons as well as at 18 most people can make an educated decision as to what is good/right/etc. for them. They are also considered an adult. Most people are still growing & developing until they are 18-21....reason for alcohol laws.

    The other reason I can argue is that until a certain age....def not 1 or even 6....an arguement can be made that they would not know what they are doing and prob. wouldn't enjoy the cigar. Then there is moderation with tobacco and alcohol. Not to mention the posibility of addiction. Now I'm not saying that certain people would be able to do this before they are 18 but it is a good starting point IMO

    Finally children have to learn that there are certain things that adults can do that they can not for the reasons listed above. I had an older brother who would get to do things that I could not because he was older, an adult. It took me awhile to understand this and the reasons why but I am glad that my parents took the time to explain this for obvious reasons. Anyway just my 2cents. & if you don't want your children to see you smoking then that is up to you. I'm glad that you are aware of this and are taking notice. No one is perfect but that is a good quality to have being a parent.
  • bandyt09bandyt09 AKA Mr. Barley & Mr. HopsPosts: 3,870 ✭✭✭
    Having 2 young daughters of my own I know what you are saying. I have never blatantly smoked in front of my daughters for 2 reasons; 1) like you I want them to be old enough to understand 2) second hand smoke. My kids are not old enough to understand about 2nd hand smoke and the hazards that it imposes, where as my friends do and they can leave if they wish, no hard feelings. I have always smoked my cigars after my kids have gone to bed or when they are not home; now that they are getting older my cigar smoking is getting later and later. I hope that your friends understand where you are coming from and still are able to enjoy your company, cigars or not. I do not think that it is a double standard, I think it is called parenting.
  • FourtotheflushFourtotheflush Posts: 2,555
    I am with you - I have smoked with my kids around twice. Once they caught me and I ditched my gar the other time they were too pre occupied to notice what I was doing. But I dont want them picking up this habit based on what they see me doing. I want them to make their decision unbiased.
  • KriegKrieg Posts: 5,070 ✭✭
    I would be more worried if you didn't care about things like that.
  • Smoke=FireSmoke=Fire Posts: 682
    Fourtotheflush:
    I dont want them picking up this habit based on what they see me doing. I want them to make their decision unbiased.
    This
  • rossdavey2rossdavey2 Posts: 979
    I have a great amount of respect for you after reading this post. I have seen way to many "fathers" that don't care what their kids see them. Also the fact that you are willing to give up doing something you enjoy for the sake of your kid shows what kind of man you are. In my book what a real man/husband/father should be. If your friends have any problem with this chances are they are dumb, or not real friends in the first place. Your don't have a double standard at all. You don't have **** in front of your kid, and I'm sure you still do that when they cant see you ;-) Once again much respect.
  • Russ55Russ55 Posts: 2,765
    This is a tough one. There's no straight forward answer either way and it really depends on your kid, you, and your family. Erring on the side of caution if you are unsure would probably be your best bet here.

    I, however, am not unsure on this issue. I put a lot of thought and time into it, and I talked with the wife at length about it. The whole thing started when my son was about a year and a half old. He found a plastic hot dog and he would puff on it and call it his "gar". Needless to say the first time he did it I was concerned. I started talking to the wife about it and we decided I should sit down and talk to him. A few weeks went by and one day the perfect opportunity came along. He saw me lighting up a cigar and asked me if he could have a one too. Just a tiny one he said. I explained to him how cigars were for adults and not something for kids. I told him when he turns 18 we'll sit down together and have one, but not until then. He seemed satisfied and soon the mimicking of that act stopped. Now he mimics other things I do. I'm not sure if it was the talk, or he just grew bored of it, or maybe a combination of the two.

    There are quite a few things I do in front of my son that I don't want him doing. I cook on the stove, use knives to chop vegetables, use matches to light the BBQ, drive a car, and so on. Kids need to learn that there are things that just aren't for them. They can experience them when they are older, but not now. It's just a fact of life. The sky is blue, water is wet, etc.

    I don't view cigars as a bad habit. Even though the vast majority of the American public lumps them in with cigarettes, I don't. I don't think the health risks are the same, and I don't think the reasons for smoking them are the same. I don't think the experience is the same either. I put them in the category of something akin to alcohol. Something to be enjoyed moderately and intelligently. They can be abused, but so can anything else, and in moderation are fine. I don't want to hide cigar smoking from him like I'm doing something bad, or forbidden, because I'm not. Dad has a cigar once in a while. No big deal.
  • Sandman1amSandman1am Posts: 2,567
    Russ55:
    This is a tough one. There's no straight forward answer either way and it really depends on your kid, you, and your family. Erring on the side of caution if you are unsure would probably be your best bet here.

    I, however, am not unsure on this issue. I put a lot of thought and time into it, and I talked with the wife at length about it. The whole thing started when my son was about a year and a half old. He found a plastic hot dog and he would puff on it and call it his "gar". Needless to say the first time he did it I was concerned. I started talking to the wife about it and we decided I should sit down and talk to him. A few weeks went by and one day the perfect opportunity came along. He saw me lighting up a cigar and asked me if he could have a one too. Just a tiny one he said. I explained to him how cigars were for adults and not something for kids. I told him when he turns 18 we'll sit down together and have one, but not until then. He seemed satisfied and soon the mimicking of that act stopped. Now he mimics other things I do. I'm not sure if it was the talk, or he just grew bored of it, or maybe a combination of the two.

    There are quite a few things I do in front of my son that I don't want him doing. I cook on the stove, use knives to chop vegetables, use matches to light the BBQ, drive a car, and so on. Kids need to learn that there are things that just aren't for them. They can experience them when they are older, but not now. It's just a fact of life. The sky is blue, water is wet, etc.

    I don't view cigars as a bad habit. Even though the vast majority of the American public lumps them in with cigarettes, I don't. I don't think the health risks are the same, and I don't think the reasons for smoking them are the same. I don't think the experience is the same either. I put them in the category of something akin to alcohol. Something to be enjoyed moderately and intelligently. They can be abused, but so can anything else, and in moderation are fine. I don't want to hide cigar smoking from him like I'm doing something bad, or forbidden, because I'm not. Dad has a cigar once in a while. No big deal.
    Very well said Russ.
  • illinoisgolf99illinoisgolf99 Posts: 1,507
    Sandman1am:
    Russ55:
    This is a tough one. There's no straight forward answer either way and it really depends on your kid, you, and your family. Erring on the side of caution if you are unsure would probably be your best bet here.

    I, however, am not unsure on this issue. I put a lot of thought and time into it, and I talked with the wife at length about it. The whole thing started when my son was about a year and a half old. He found a plastic hot dog and he would puff on it and call it his "gar". Needless to say the first time he did it I was concerned. I started talking to the wife about it and we decided I should sit down and talk to him. A few weeks went by and one day the perfect opportunity came along. He saw me lighting up a cigar and asked me if he could have a one too. Just a tiny one he said. I explained to him how cigars were for adults and not something for kids. I told him when he turns 18 we'll sit down together and have one, but not until then. He seemed satisfied and soon the mimicking of that act stopped. Now he mimics other things I do. I'm not sure if it was the talk, or he just grew bored of it, or maybe a combination of the two.

    There are quite a few things I do in front of my son that I don't want him doing. I cook on the stove, use knives to chop vegetables, use matches to light the BBQ, drive a car, and so on. Kids need to learn that there are things that just aren't for them. They can experience them when they are older, but not now. It's just a fact of life. The sky is blue, water is wet, etc.

    I don't view cigars as a bad habit. Even though the vast majority of the American public lumps them in with cigarettes, I don't. I don't think the health risks are the same, and I don't think the reasons for smoking them are the same. I don't think the experience is the same either. I put them in the category of something akin to alcohol. Something to be enjoyed moderately and intelligently. They can be abused, but so can anything else, and in moderation are fine. I don't want to hide cigar smoking from him like I'm doing something bad, or forbidden, because I'm not. Dad has a cigar once in a while. No big deal.
    Very well said Russ.

    +1 well said Russ
  • KCWKCW Posts: 1,270 ✭✭
    illinoisgolf99:
    Seeing as it's your child and not theirs, you are entitled to do whatever you see fit
    +1.. We all (as parents) have to do what we feel is best for our Children. Quite frankly; if someone doesn't like it... Tough $heet! Remember. There are no bad kids. Just bad parents.
  • kuzi16kuzi16 Posts: 14,561 ✭✭✭
    illinoisgolf99:
    Sandman1am:
    Russ55:
    This is a tough one. There's no straight forward answer either way and it really depends on your kid, you, and your family. Erring on the side of caution if you are unsure would probably be your best bet here.

    I, however, am not unsure on this issue. I put a lot of thought and time into it, and I talked with the wife at length about it. The whole thing started when my son was about a year and a half old. He found a plastic hot dog and he would puff on it and call it his "gar". Needless to say the first time he did it I was concerned. I started talking to the wife about it and we decided I should sit down and talk to him. A few weeks went by and one day the perfect opportunity came along. He saw me lighting up a cigar and asked me if he could have a one too. Just a tiny one he said. I explained to him how cigars were for adults and not something for kids. I told him when he turns 18 we'll sit down together and have one, but not until then. He seemed satisfied and soon the mimicking of that act stopped. Now he mimics other things I do. I'm not sure if it was the talk, or he just grew bored of it, or maybe a combination of the two.

    There are quite a few things I do in front of my son that I don't want him doing. I cook on the stove, use knives to chop vegetables, use matches to light the BBQ, drive a car, and so on. Kids need to learn that there are things that just aren't for them. They can experience them when they are older, but not now. It's just a fact of life. The sky is blue, water is wet, etc.

    I don't view cigars as a bad habit. Even though the vast majority of the American public lumps them in with cigarettes, I don't. I don't think the health risks are the same, and I don't think the reasons for smoking them are the same. I don't think the experience is the same either. I put them in the category of something akin to alcohol. Something to be enjoyed moderately and intelligently. They can be abused, but so can anything else, and in moderation are fine. I don't want to hide cigar smoking from him like I'm doing something bad, or forbidden, because I'm not. Dad has a cigar once in a while. No big deal.
    Very well said Russ.

    +1 well said Russ
    nothing else needs to be added to that.
  • sirfoster83sirfoster83 Posts: 783
    kuzi16:
    illinoisgolf99:
    Sandman1am:
    Russ55:
    This is a tough one. There's no straight forward answer either way and it really depends on your kid, you, and your family. Erring on the side of caution if you are unsure would probably be your best bet here.

    I, however, am not unsure on this issue. I put a lot of thought and time into it, and I talked with the wife at length about it. The whole thing started when my son was about a year and a half old. He found a plastic hot dog and he would puff on it and call it his "gar". Needless to say the first time he did it I was concerned. I started talking to the wife about it and we decided I should sit down and talk to him. A few weeks went by and one day the perfect opportunity came along. He saw me lighting up a cigar and asked me if he could have a one too. Just a tiny one he said. I explained to him how cigars were for adults and not something for kids. I told him when he turns 18 we'll sit down together and have one, but not until then. He seemed satisfied and soon the mimicking of that act stopped. Now he mimics other things I do. I'm not sure if it was the talk, or he just grew bored of it, or maybe a combination of the two.

    There are quite a few things I do in front of my son that I don't want him doing. I cook on the stove, use knives to chop vegetables, use matches to light the BBQ, drive a car, and so on. Kids need to learn that there are things that just aren't for them. They can experience them when they are older, but not now. It's just a fact of life. The sky is blue, water is wet, etc.

    I don't view cigars as a bad habit. Even though the vast majority of the American public lumps them in with cigarettes, I don't. I don't think the health risks are the same, and I don't think the reasons for smoking them are the same. I don't think the experience is the same either. I put them in the category of something akin to alcohol. Something to be enjoyed moderately and intelligently. They can be abused, but so can anything else, and in moderation are fine. I don't want to hide cigar smoking from him like I'm doing something bad, or forbidden, because I'm not. Dad has a cigar once in a while. No big deal.
    Very well said Russ.

    +1 well said Russ
    nothing else needs to be added to that.
    Had a talk with the wife last night about this. I pretty much quoted what you wrote. We both agree that hidding it would probably be worse. I don't want my kids thinking Daddy's being naughty! Plus if they think its forbidden next thing you know they are old enough to rebel and my smokes start to disappear.
  • Hawk55Hawk55 Posts: 846
    Wow this is a tough one , but one I am sure all responsible parents have given a lot of consideration. I have an eighteen year old son. He has never seen me smoke or take a drink. I know that both are not exactly good for you, but by the same token the decision to partake is one that an adult should be allowed to make on his/her own. Neither my wife or my son have ever seen me smoke a cigar. Both know that I do smoke them, my wife has even gifted me cigars that I like. My son has even asked when can we light one up together.... At this point I am trying to decide will this be a wise decision to do with my son, graduation is upon us and it would be a good opportunity or would it?
  • sirfoster83sirfoster83 Posts: 783
    Hawk55:
    Wow this is a tough one , but one I am sure all responsible parents have given a lot of consideration. I have an eighteen year old son. He has never seen me smoke or take a drink. I know that both are not exactly good for you, but by the same token the decision to partake is one that an adult should be allowed to make on his/her own. Neither my wife or my son have ever seen me smoke a cigar. Both know that I do smoke them, my wife has even gifted me cigars that I like. My son has even asked when can we light one up together.... At this point I am trying to decide will this be a wise decision to do with my son, graduation is upon us and it would be a good opportunity or would it?
    Thats a tough one. Luckily my oldest is seven, gives me some time to ponder. I'm really hoping that the boys and I still have some common interests at that point. As for the smoking together, I guess it would come down to if they are going to do it anyway. Why not? Then again do you want to be the one to get him started? Let me know the out come. Thats a tough one!
  • sittingbullsittingbull Posts: 22
    What can I say that hasn't been said......have 2 sons.....great they are.....being of sound mind...they are both 19 and 22.....we do partake of the leaf......not all the time but occasionally .....I enjoy the time that we have to sit down and smoke....they will often open to me things they would not other wise....I like to refer to it is, " male bonding time."....my wife knows that we do it on occasion...to be quite honest neither can afford....that why they come to me for the smokes.....my oldest graduated from college this past wkend.....what could there be a better cause to light one up.....it is a nice treat for me to have someone near and dear to me to light up with.....yes, I know there are other things we could do ....but sitting outside in the backyard talking about old little league days with a stogie... what can I say....I am guilty ....
  • bocardsbocards Posts: 32
    Wow !!! This one for me is tough also...I have a 16 yo daughter and a 4 yo son (who btw wants to do everything daddy does)...I also try to not smoke around the kids or even the wife....they do not enjoy the smell nor do I want them to get any second hand smoke...anyways as was bound to happen they came home one day as I was outside partaking of an Ashton VSG and the my son being curious wanted to know if he could smoke with me....long conversation later he finally got my point of things for adults and things for kids when I explained the whole I dont drink your juice box....you dont smoke my cigars !!! Still working on it....but good topic !
  • AdcuriumAdcurium Posts: 170
    Great discussion, gentlemen! While we all might not be in the same pew, we are all at least in the same church. We want what's best for our kids. And that's the only simple truth. Someday they will all make their own decisions and the most we can hope for is that we have given them a solid background to be able to make a sound decision. I think there are vast differences between young children watching you smoke and young children watching you cook (or use power tools, or climb a ladder, etc.) but in the end we want to keep them from harm's way. It's not an easy task, but it is certainly a noble pursuit. We will all fail, in one way or another, as parents. You just can't bat 1000. But in the morning you put your feet on the floor and you hope to do a better job than you did the day before. And hopefully when our children are adults they will have a good enough health plan so as to get weekly therapy sessions. I expect to use the phrase "Tell it to your therapist in 20 years" quite often. And here we are on Thursday. I just want ot get through the week with as few casualities as possible. And I'm hoping to duck out of the office for a cup of strong joe and this Romeo & Julietta rothchilde that's been taunting me all morning...
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