A Hipster's cigar review
Comments
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"Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."
At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...0 -
danielzreyes said:Why are we talking about the beer? Can we please focus on the cigar?
Damn Hipsters, I swear
Alright. I'll talk about the cigar for you bro.
But I'm not as #hiptastic as you and I do not have one to smoke for myself (hint/wink/nudge, plz PM if you need my addy)....so instead I'll review your review.
Ok first off I gotta deduct some points because you forgot to mention a key feature of this cigar; the appearance.
Like, just look at it, it's a freakin barber pole wrapper!
That's automatically worth like 10/10 hipster points. Seriously, what's more hipster than a new-age, old-school barber shop that offers straight-razor shaves? Get your neck cleaned up with a straight-razor, then have 'em shape your stash for you with some premium beard & stash oil, that's some top tier #hipstanity right there.
Alright next you got the flavors, which overall I'm gonna give you some props for.
Cakey: Gotta deduct like -2 points here since hipsters are all about that gluten free lifestyle yo! No cake for true hipsters.
Cream soda: Ok are we talkin' A&W from the gas station? Or some small batch, local, artisinal soda that costs like $7/bottle? A&W's gonna be a -1, but craft soda is like a +1.
Jalapeño peppers: Ehhh....jalapenos are good for regular folks but pretty low on the "hipster totem pole". Should've gone with Sriacha for maximum hipsterability. I'm gonna give you a -1 here.
hella sprinkles: As long as they're rainbow sprinkles, that's definitely hipster, #AllSprinklesMatter. +1
fried chicken taste: Ok, is this like KFC chicken (-1), or some locally raised organic bird that was fried up in hempseed oil (+1). You tell me.
So I guess for flavors, I'd say you're lookin' around a 7/10
paired it with ice water: California's in a drought and you're just sippin up water like it's goin out of style. Definitely not environmentally friendly and certainly not hipster. 0/10
Tons of smoke output: Like vape-level of smoke? If so, 11/10
It's making my man face hair smell like a dirty flannel button shirt .... sexy af: 15/10 - self explanatory
The packaging is awesomely badassness. It's why I bought it.: But you don't include a picture of the packaging?!?? You know hipsters gotta hashtag all their cool **** on instantgram. Definitely docking some points here; 5/10.
Conclusion: 48/60
Which on the "Sliding Scale of Hipster", translates to:
- Look at this **** hipster
---> **** Williamsburg personified **** <---
- Disinterested trendsetter
- Slightly hip
- Not hip
* I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *8 -
Son of a ....
48/60? That's it? Eff that noise.
I knew I should have done a regular cigar enthusiast review and called it the, Camacho Liberty 2007
Oh wait whaaaaaaaaaat?"It's plume, bro. Nothing to worry about. Got any Opus?" The suppose to be DZR5 -
This deserves like 194 disagrees its so awesomejgibv said:danielzreyes said:Why are we talking about the beer? Can we please focus on the cigar?
Damn Hipsters, I swear
Alright. I'll talk about the cigar for you bro.
But I'm not as #hiptastic as you and I do not have one to smoke for myself (hint/wink/nudge, plz PM if you need my addy)....so instead I'll review your review.
Ok first off I gotta deduct some points because you forgot to mention a key feature of this cigar; the appearance.
Like, just look at it, it's a freakin barber pole wrapper!
That's automatically worth like 10/10 hipster points. Seriously, what's more hipster than a new-age, old-school barber shop that offers straight-razor shaves? Get your neck cleaned up with a straight-razor, then have 'em shape your stash for you with some premium beard & stash oil, that's some top tier #hipstanity right there.
Alright next you got the flavors, which overall I'm gonna give you some props for.
Cakey: Gotta deduct like -2 points here since hipsters are all about that gluten free lifestyle yo! No cake for true hipsters.
Cream soda: Ok are we talkin' A&W from the gas station? Or some small batch, local, artisinal soda that costs like $7/bottle? A&W's gonna be a -1, but craft soda is like a +1.
Jalapeño peppers: Ehhh....jalapenos are good for regular folks but pretty low on the "hipster totem pole". Should've gone with Sriacha for maximum hipsterability. I'm gonna give you a -1 here.
hella sprinkles: As long as they're rainbow sprinkles, that's definitely hipster, #AllSprinklesMatter. +1
fried chicken taste: Ok, is this like KFC chicken (-1), or some locally raised organic bird that was fried up in hempseed oil (+1). You tell me.
So I guess for flavors, I'd say you're lookin' around a 7/10
paired it with ice water: California's in a drought and you're just sippin up water like it's goin out of style. Definitely not environmentally friendly and certainly not hipster. 0/10
Tons of smoke output: Like vape-level of smoke? If so, 11/10
It's making my man face hair smell like a dirty flannel button shirt .... sexy af: 15/10 - self explanatory
The packaging is awesomely badassness. It's why I bought it.: But you don't include a picture of the packaging?!?? You know hipsters gotta hashtag all their cool **** on instantgram. Definitely docking some points here; 5/10.
Conclusion: 48/60
Which on the "Sliding Scale of Hipster", translates to:
- Look at this **** hipster
---> **** Williamsburg personified **** <---
- Disinterested trendsetter
- Slightly hip
- Not hip4 -
Lol, for real. Just tapping the LOL button was not nearly enough. That was some funny sh/t.3
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This if spoogeacular. Amazingly brilliant, funny and accurate. Superb literary substance and entertainment."Come party with me in Tennessee for my birthday July we can smoke in the Smokey's."3
