Little Johnny Jokes
Rob1110
Posts: 1,577 ✭✭✭
I'm sure everyone's heard one or two "Little Johnny" jokes before. Hopefully there's some new ones here for your enjoyment.
appropriate to the forum:
A door-to-door salesman comes-a-knocking and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, a beer in one hand and a lit cigar in the other.
The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mommy home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "Now what the f--k do you think?"
--------------------------------
One day, the teacher asked her class 'What vegetable makes you cry?'
Little Johnny replies "a turnip".
"No Johnny' says the teacher, "Onions make you cry, not turnips"
"No Miss" Says Johnny, "Have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?"
--------------------------------
Little Johnny goes to school one day and the teacher has a brown paper bag.
"We're going to play a little game class. I'm going to describe the object in this bag and you're going to guess what it is." She reaches her hand in it and says "it's round, it's got a stem, and it's got a leaf."
Little Johnny raises his hand and says "it's an apple, it's an apple."
"Very good, Johnny." She says.
Then Johnny says "now let me give you one."
He reaches his hand in his pocket and says "it's round, it's hard , and it's got a head."
The teacher quickly scolds him "Johnny! I don't think that's appropriate for class!"
Little Johnny says "it's a quater but I like the way you're thinking."
--------------------------------
A new substitute introduces herself to her first grade class. "Hello children, my name is Ms. Prussy. It's just like *** cat, but with an 'r' in it. I hope you all will remember my name."
The next day she decides to quiz her new students "does anyone remember my name from yesterday?"
After a moment of silence and confused faces, little Johnny raises his hand in the back "I do." He says excitedly, "it's Ms. Crunt."
--------------------------------
Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they cam e back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'
The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnny.
Johnny said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'
'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'
'That's great', said Little Johnny,'cuz he'd be f--ked if needed glasses'.
--------------------------------
One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.
The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?"
Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there."
"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.
A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.
Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his *** haging out of his pants.
The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"
Then Johnny said, "My mom said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."
appropriate to the forum:
A door-to-door salesman comes-a-knocking and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, a beer in one hand and a lit cigar in the other.
The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mommy home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "Now what the f--k do you think?"
--------------------------------
One day, the teacher asked her class 'What vegetable makes you cry?'
Little Johnny replies "a turnip".
"No Johnny' says the teacher, "Onions make you cry, not turnips"
"No Miss" Says Johnny, "Have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?"
--------------------------------
Little Johnny goes to school one day and the teacher has a brown paper bag.
"We're going to play a little game class. I'm going to describe the object in this bag and you're going to guess what it is." She reaches her hand in it and says "it's round, it's got a stem, and it's got a leaf."
Little Johnny raises his hand and says "it's an apple, it's an apple."
"Very good, Johnny." She says.
Then Johnny says "now let me give you one."
He reaches his hand in his pocket and says "it's round, it's hard , and it's got a head."
The teacher quickly scolds him "Johnny! I don't think that's appropriate for class!"
Little Johnny says "it's a quater but I like the way you're thinking."
--------------------------------
A new substitute introduces herself to her first grade class. "Hello children, my name is Ms. Prussy. It's just like *** cat, but with an 'r' in it. I hope you all will remember my name."
The next day she decides to quiz her new students "does anyone remember my name from yesterday?"
After a moment of silence and confused faces, little Johnny raises his hand in the back "I do." He says excitedly, "it's Ms. Crunt."
--------------------------------
Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they cam e back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'
The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnny.
Johnny said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'
'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'
'That's great', said Little Johnny,'cuz he'd be f--ked if needed glasses'.
--------------------------------
One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.
The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?"
Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there."
"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.
A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.
Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his *** haging out of his pants.
The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"
Then Johnny said, "My mom said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."
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