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Best chuck Norris joke hahaha!

BeastcigarBeastcigar Posts: 44 ✭✭
in Trades, Passes and Bombs
Me and the cank are always making funof the karate king! We have heard almost every Norris joke to date on the web. Now, the search for the best original Norris joke! Post your joke, make sure it's funny. The best joke receives three select sticks, from behind the vault door, hurry before chuck smokes a roundhouse and destroys all my cigars!

Comments

  • VulchorVulchor Posts: 4,848 ✭✭✭✭
    See the Beard thread and take your pick.
  • rossdavey2rossdavey2 Posts: 979
    When Chucks eats cheese before going to bed he doesn't have nightmares the cheese does.
  • NYHCx516xNYHCx516x Posts: 728 ✭
    Chuck dosent smoke cigars... Tims bears smokes chuck :)

    Sorry... had too!
  • surfingzeekosurfingzeeko Posts: 628
    1. When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push his body up. He pushes the world down. 2. Chuck Norris' tears are the cure for cancer. Too bad he never cries. 3. Behind Chuck Norris' beard, there is only another fist. 4. They have now been able to measure the strength of the explosion of the big bang with a unit called a CNRK. The big bang was equal to 5 CNRK's. Those are Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicks.
  • illinoisgolf99illinoisgolf99 Posts: 1,507 ✭
    A meteor was once on its way toward Earth.. NASA called upon Chuck Norris for aid, Chuck Norris then strapped himself to a rocket and blasted off. Upon entering space, Chuck Norris released the rocket, floating towards the meteor. Chuck Norris whispered "Hasta la Bye Bye Meteor" and roundhouse kicked the meteor into billions of little pieces.. The little pieces fell to Earth, as skittles... That's right, Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks turn whatever they touch into skittles.
  • HaybletHayblet Posts: 2,429 ✭✭✭
    Chock Norris can slam a revolving door.
    Every night, before he goes to bed, The Boogey man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
    Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
  • Cigar SherlockCigar Sherlock Posts: 142
    It is said that Chuck Norris's blood type is Opus X.
    The terrible tragedy that was the Tsunami of Thailand, was actually created by Chuck Norris performing a cannonball off the coast of California.
  • wwhwangwwhwang Posts: 2,878 ✭✭✭
    A stanza of a marching cadence some people in my platoon came up with (imagine a bunch of soldiers marching to a ceremony with this):

    See the bearded ninja on the hill?
    It's Chuck Norris, come to kill.
    Eatin' lil babies with his fist
    He'll come an' kick ya when he's pissed.
  • Rob1110Rob1110 Posts: 1,577 ✭✭✭
    China used to be next to Massachusetts....until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it through the earth.
  • vegassparkyvegassparky Posts: 365 ✭
    here is how we know chuck is tuff .All us regular folk wore superman pajamas as kids. superman wore chuck norris pajamas.
  • JZJZ Posts: 827 ✭
    The worlds most interesting man only drinks dos equis because of Chuck Norris.
  • BeastcigarBeastcigar Posts: 44 ✭✭
    Time is almost up!
  • undulacundulac Posts: 1,129 ✭
    Chuck Norris' organ donor card list Tim's beard.
  • ENFIDLENFIDL Posts: 5,836 ✭
    image
  • Pacman84Pacman84 Posts: 2,806 ✭✭✭✭✭
    They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody.
  • gmill880gmill880 Posts: 5,947 ✭
    Thats not really a oil leak in the gulf right now . Chuck Norris was scuba diving and had diarreah ...it was such an event that the whole world has stopped to watch and President Obama ( I think a little vomit just came up in my mouth haha) has toured the area as he wishes he were more like Chuck Norris ...why? Because when Obama spews his sh_it no one notices !!! ( Well , He_ll , I thought it was funny ;) ... )
  • gmill880gmill880 Posts: 5,947 ✭
    What does Chuck Norris and a colonoscopy have in common. They can both rip you a new a_sshole if your not careful .
  • surfingzeekosurfingzeeko Posts: 628
    Oh original joke lol alright here goes....Chuck Norris earned his MOW badge in an hour by smoking all three at the same time...and he was inhaling.
  • The CankThe Cank Posts: 799
    ENFIDL:
    image


    I want this shirt !!!!! O HELL that is my 499 post... Someone won !!
  • ENFIDLENFIDL Posts: 5,836 ✭
    The Cank:
    ENFIDL:
    image


    I want this shirt !!!!! O HELL that is my 499 post... Someone won !!
    So do I brother! I have 5 Chuck Norris shirts that I wear in regular rotation and a Chuck Norris fridge magnet the gf got me. That's how I knew she's a keeper! It says there are only two things that can cut diamonds, other diamonds and Chuck Norris's Beard.


    No offense towards The Beard Tim! lol
  • bige1371bige1371 Posts: 196 ✭
    Chuck Norris round house kick is so fast that if you put it in slow motion you would see he ate dinner, smoked a cigar, and had sex with your girlfriend...then kicked you!!!
  • The CankThe Cank Posts: 799
    bige1371:
    Chuck Norris round house kick is so fast that if you put it in slow motion you would see he ate dinner, smoked a cigar, and had sex with your girlfriend...then kicked you!!!

    A ha ha ha I like this one !
  • ug danug dan Posts: 375 ✭
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
  • ThewelderThewelder Posts: 682 ✭✭
    Chuck Norris is such a bamf that when his daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
  • One2gofstOne2gofst Posts: 583 ✭
    Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms.
    Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He stands on the porch and does roundhouse kicks and the grass wilts in fear.
    There are two kinds of women in the world. Those that want to have sex with Chuck Norris and those that want to have sex with Chuck Norris again!
  • BeastcigarBeastcigar Posts: 44 ✭✭
    The winner is bige1371, that joke wAs f#%^>* great? Definently the best posted. Pm me, to collect your winning$$$$$$
  • bige1371bige1371 Posts: 196 ✭
    Nice. Thank You Pm Sent
  • HaysHays Posts: 2,337 ✭✭✭
    bige1371:
    Chuck Norris round house kick is so fast that if you put it in slow motion you would see he ate dinner, smoked a cigar, and had sex with your girlfriend...then kicked you!!!
    Thewelder:
    Chuck Norris is such a bamf that when his daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
    LMAO these two are the best Chuck Norris jokes I've ever heard..
    ¨The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea¨ - Isak Dinesen

    ¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
  • bige1371bige1371 Posts: 196 ✭
    When I saw thewelders joke I thought I lost it. That was funny as hell!!
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