Two guys are out golfing, and the conversation turns to professions. The first guy states that he is a hotel owner and owns the huge 4-star hotel barely visible in the distance. The second guy tells him he's a professional assassin. The first guy doesn't believe him, until the assassin pulls out various poles out of his golf bag and assembles a high-velocity rifle. The assassin tells him, "the best part of this weapon is the high powered scope. Take a look." The hotel owner takes it and exclaims,"wow, I can see my hotel! and I can even see my personal suite. And there's my wife with another man!" Furious, he turns to the assassin and asks him,"how much do you charge?" The assassin replies,"5,000 dollars a bullet." "Alright, I want you to blow my wife's head off, and the guy's she is with balls off!" The assassin agrees, and begins lining up for his shot. He waits a second, looks up, and says,"If you want to wait a minute, I can save you 5,000 dollars."
Two guys are out golfing, and the conversation turns to professions. The first guy states that he is a hotel owner and owns the huge 4-star hotel barely visible in the distance. The second guy tells him he's a professional assassin. The first guy doesn't believe him, until the assassin pulls out various poles out of his golf bag and assembles a high-velocity rifle. The assassin tells him, "the best part of this weapon is the high powered scope. Take a look." The hotel owner takes it and exclaims,"wow, I can see my hotel! and I can even see my personal suite. And there's my wife with another man!" Furious, he turns to the assassin and asks him,"how much do you charge?" The assassin replies,"5,000 dollars a bullet." "Alright, I want you to blow my wife's head off, and the guy's she is with balls off!" The assassin agrees, and begins lining up for his shot. He waits a second, looks up, and says,"If you want to wait a minute, I can save you 5,000 dollars."
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head when it hits a windshield? Its ass.
A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says "why the long face?"
What do you call a woman with one leg? Ilean
What do you call a woman who throws up constantly? Flo
What do you call a deer with one eye? No Idea
What do you call a deer with one eye and no legs? Still no idea
What do you call a dog with short legs and steel balls? Sparky
And finally....
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both sit down and start ordering shots and slamming them back. Finally the giraffe falls over backwards off his bar stool and passes out, taking up most of the bar room floor. The guy gets up and starts walking for the door when the bartender says "hey buddy! You can't just leave that lyin' there!" pointing to the giraffe. The guy looks and replies "that's not a lion. It's a giraffe."
That's it, I'm done folks. I'll be playing across the street tomorrow night.
A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender looks up and says "cool, where'd you get him?" The frog says "well, it started as a growth on my ass."
A guy walks into a bar and starts ordering drinks. Bored, the bartender begins a conversation with the fella. After a while, the gut asks the bartender how many doors he has in his establishment. "why there's 2" he says, "front and back." The guy says "I think you're mistaken, I count 4." The bartender insists there are only 2. Finally, the guy says "I'm sure there's 4, so sure I'll bet you $1000 on it." Certain he's about to make a grand, the bartender takes the bet. "Well, for starters there's the front and back doors, that's 2." "Ok, the bartender says." "The man then asks the bartender to tell him his name, "Isidor" the bartender replied. "ok, that's 3 doors. See that brass thing on the floor?" The bartender nodded yes. "Thats a cuspidor, and the 4th door." In total disbelief, the bartender hands the fella $1000 and the guy pays his tab and leaves.
After a bit another guy walks in and, wasting no time, the bartender makes the same offer for a bet. The guy gets up, looks around seeing only 2 doors and accepts. "ok", the bartender says, "there's the front and back doors, that's 2. My name is Isidor, that's 3. See that brass thing on the floor? That's a cup... cus..."
Reaching for his wallet the bartender curses "**** spitoon's cost me $2000 today"
Comments
To keep her ankles warm!
Best ones yet.
My brother works down at a watch factory.
He gets paid to stand around and make faces all day!!!
Badumpbump
A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says "why the long face?"
What do you call a woman with one leg? Ilean
What do you call a woman who throws up constantly? Flo
What do you call a deer with one eye? No Idea
What do you call a deer with one eye and no legs? Still no idea
What do you call a dog with short legs and steel balls? Sparky
And finally....
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both sit down and start ordering shots and slamming them back. Finally the giraffe falls over backwards off his bar stool and passes out, taking up most of the bar room floor. The guy gets up and starts walking for the door when the bartender says "hey buddy! You can't just leave that lyin' there!" pointing to the giraffe. The guy looks and replies "that's not a lion. It's a giraffe."
That's it, I'm done folks. I'll be playing across the street tomorrow night.
A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender looks up and says "cool, where'd you get him?" The frog says "well, it started as a growth on my ass."
After a bit another guy walks in and, wasting no time, the bartender makes the same offer for a bet. The guy gets up, looks around seeing only 2 doors and accepts. "ok", the bartender says, "there's the front and back doors, that's 2. My name is Isidor, that's 3. See that brass thing on the floor? That's a cup... cus..."
Reaching for his wallet the bartender curses "**** spitoon's cost me $2000 today"