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turning point
kuzi16
Posts: 14,633 ✭✭✭✭
I have a good life, generally speaking. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a great wife, a sturdy house, a reliable car, good food, good friends, a steady job, and just about every day i am in a good mood.
while at work the other day i was talking to one of the other managers about my past. i didnt always think my life was so great. just before i started to date the person that would become my wife, i was out of school, jobless, homeless, broke, in need of a shower and a haircut, and trying to figure out where i was going to get my next meal.
the other manager asked me what changed my life. what was the turning point?
the answer was easy.
my life turned around when i stopped blaming my problems on anyone but myself.
i hadnt thought about this in a long time. this conversation caused me look back on my life to see how far i have come.
im not bringing this up to "show how awesome i am" because we all know that i am not awesome... im just a guy that manages a restaurant. i bring up this story to ask you guys what are some of the moments that helped define who you are? what ideas shaped your life?
while at work the other day i was talking to one of the other managers about my past. i didnt always think my life was so great. just before i started to date the person that would become my wife, i was out of school, jobless, homeless, broke, in need of a shower and a haircut, and trying to figure out where i was going to get my next meal.
the other manager asked me what changed my life. what was the turning point?
the answer was easy.
my life turned around when i stopped blaming my problems on anyone but myself.
i hadnt thought about this in a long time. this conversation caused me look back on my life to see how far i have come.
im not bringing this up to "show how awesome i am" because we all know that i am not awesome... im just a guy that manages a restaurant. i bring up this story to ask you guys what are some of the moments that helped define who you are? what ideas shaped your life?
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First thing that comes to mind is a little saying a college buddy of mind said when I was debating breaking up with my GF (for the last 2 years). Deep down I was unhappy, but was either afraid to be alone, or didnt want to start the dating crap again. He said, Dave "Never make a decision, by not making a decision"......Its on my thing here, so you see how much it hit me. It sounds really simple, but it is so far reaching for life I just found in simplistically profound
Other moments include me getting arrested to realize I may have a problem with drinking and partying. I was always functional and it never impacted my daily life----HOWEVER, getting busted and spending a little in jail and the probation and costs associated with it helped me grow up more than any birthday candles did....Not to say I still dont drink and get stupid sometimes, but the point of reference was a good one
One last one (and again I could write for hours), was the kinda ying-yang/shades of grey thing. I grew up with great parents, but life was black and white. You work, you live straight, you do well, you die. Not the worst way to live, but closed minded in a way and too rigid. Somewhere I got this thought that NOTHING fully good ever happens, and NOTHING fully bad ever happens. There is a little light and a little darkness in everything, to varying degrees of course. That just seems to keep me grounded about my life and good fortune when it happens, but also at ease and at peace when bad things happen as well. I guess Ive said enough, but again really like this topic.
One of the biggest things to define me was when I decided to live for myself. I know that sounds conceited but there is back story.
I'm an only child and as an only child my family tended to care for me in a more direct fashion. They were very hands on.
One day I realized I just wanted to enjoy life rather than live someone else's dream.
Another huge one was to stop dating women based on looks. Maybe it's just me but the prettiest ones are always
1. Dumb as a brick.
or
2. Bitchier than the emo kid at the mall.
"If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed. If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." -- Mark Twain
Two events in my life really got me on the right path IMO. The first was finding God, which didnt happen for me until my late 20's. Once I realized God had a plan for me, and He would put me where He wanted me, when He wanted me to be there, to do what He wanted me to do, life got a whole lot simpler. Does that make any sense? Once I quit struggling and fighting trying to figure out what I was supposed to do & just let the Lord take control, 95% of the stress in my life just vanished and things got a whole lot clearer & simpler. Peace. I dont know any better way to describe it.
Second was becoming a parent. When I realized that my choices in life affected more than just me. A spouse is a little different. A spouse can take care of themselves. That infant child is 100% dependent on YOU. That made me take a much closer look at what I did in life and how I did it.
And for the record Kuzi, I think you're pretty awesome. Starting this thread is a little proof. :-D
Personally, I hit a "mid-life crisis" at the age of 27; I was standing alone in my 675 square ft apartment with no significant other in my life, no real friends, a job I pretty much hated and wondered, what the hell have I accomplished and what do I have to show for 27 years of life?
It was at that point that I hit the books, not school books, but self improvement books. A lot of books by famous coaches, financial people, Dale Carnegie, Tom Hopkins, Zig Zigler, etc.,probably went through about 200 books in less than 3 years but the book that changed my life was DR. RICHARD CARLSON 'DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF, AND IT'S ALL SMALL STUFF.
Also got involved with a financial company that straightened my thinking out when it came to finances but also took a lot of the messages and reapplied it to my personal life. One of the messages that still sticks with me some 15 years later is probably the most important 9 words I have ever come across, "All you can do, is all you can do" and this has helped me in many situations. If I have done all I could do than I accept the result, good or bad, and don't sweat it as it is now, SMALL STUFF.
Another thing that keeps me grounded is something else I heard; a guy was standing in a graveyard buring his father and as he looked around he noticed that all the headstones had one thing in common; a date of birth and a date of death. May not seem like much but they also have a little dash between them and that dash represents your life. I am always thinking about that dash and what I want it to say when I am gone.
Everyday that I wake up is a good day, becuase if you don't wake up one morning it's because you are DEAD! Now that would be the definition of a bad day.
I must echo Sniper's sentiments, the greatest and most meaningful changes have been the times that I found out beyond any shadow of doubt that God exists, prayer works, and beyond all comprehension He exists and works with/for me. It's overwhelming.
"If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed. If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." -- Mark Twain
"Long ashes my friends."
I have always been a firm believer in taking resposibility for my life. Good decisions or bad. I have learned valuable lessons from both type of experiences. We all need to learn some of life's lessons in a very personal way. I believe that life IS a collection of experiences.
I am not what you would call a religious person. I Do believe in a higher power, I am just not comfortable with personifying that power with a god figure. There are too many to choose from, so I look at it all a little differently.
I have an easier time equating God with everything around me. I mean things like nature, spectacular places around the world that move people in a way they can't even describe, but undoubtably feel.
The flip side of this (nature / god) is that it is NOT a personal thing at all. Nature / God could actually care less if you make a mistake of whatever proportions... you are going to pay the consequences. If you slip on some mountain side somewhere, you will most likely die, if you don't, were you fortunate, or did God save you? I am sure there are some who will say both are possible. However my question then would be, why would God choose to save you , while allowing millions of his innocent children around the world suffer and die every year?
I am not trying to be confrontational here, in the least. I think about this kind of stuff constantly. Sometimes to my own detriment, it can be fairly depressing, while fascinating at the same time. I find it easier to deal with it in these terms. We are all ultimately responsible for our own lives, but in much the same way we take care of our children, if we are able shouldn't we be taking care of each other? Kreig mentioned his story and how his parents made a huge difference in his life. Who makes a difference in some of these other peoples lives? If God allows them to perish is it our responsibility to do something? Is that what God is waiting to happen? Why does God not do something to save his children (all of us) everywhere?
No, to me God is not someone I have got to know in a personal way at all. But I can see his creations, in all their spectacular glory and all their flaws all around me.
The birth of my two children and finding my life partner at 17 are two examples of this higher powers best work, and both major turning points in my personal life from then forward.
Employed in a job that rewarding me with helping many people. Marrying a beautiful woman, Investing my money wisely and leading a good life.
Volunteering to make my neighborhood a better place to live and continuing to help my fellow neighbor.
If you want your first post here to go away, you may want to quit referring to it. Let it die, nobody here holds a grudge, you will see that in time as well. Peace bro'.
The first ones more about me than anything else. About a year and a half ago I finally realized Im too young to hate my job as much as I do. Lifes too short for that. So, since then Ive been working towards a major career change which would still value my degree and post college experience, but would get me out from behind a computer and give me some pride in what I do. Im almost at the end of a waiting period before I can reapply so I shouldn't talk too much about it in case it doesn't happen but making the decision has been a huge turning point for us. Soon.
The second one was humbling and put a lot into perspective. My son was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis while my wife was 12 weeks pregnant, and we said, F**K it, we can do this. After his diagnosis we let the news rock us for about 24 hours. After that we stood up tall and took control. We knew we could manage the disease and we knew that was why he was given to us. Sure, his lungs and pancreas are crap, hes 10 months old and is on a half dozen prescriptions, and we spend between 1 and 2 hours a day clearing his lungs, but to us hes perfect. Youve heard the phrase whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger, well, he inspires us everyday with his strength. CF can be a brutal thing but we will never let it define him or us. Check out the picture. Like any proud dad I want to show everyone pics of the kid, so I had to post one, hope you dont mind. This is from a few weeks ago in San Diego visiting grandma.
And the third thing was meeting the person whos helped me at every step just over 10 years ago, I was 21 and she was 19. She puts up with a lot of crap and supports me in everything I do, like a career change in my early 30s with a baby and a mortgage, my motorcycle and old car addiction, and my cigar hobby even though our son has a lung disease. I couldnt do it without her.
... i dont know how you do it. your family is an inspiration.
Reading your story definitely touched me, and thanks for that picture. I have to say, it brought a tear to my eye - beautiful picture my friend. I spend a fair amount of time in the Bay Area, and my lady used to nanny for a family that just moved there. They ask us all the time to vist - might have to do that one of these days, and while they're hanging you and I can catch a stogie together.
¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
The first one was going to live with my dad after my mom died when i was 12. My father raised me by himself while running a business. He showed me how to be a man. Without that, I don't think I would have turned out the way I am. My dad and I have an extremely close relationship. I'd do anything to help him out.
The second was when I decided to leave college for an extended period of time. I was tired of spinning my wheels when I didn't know what I wanted to do. Now I'm going to truck driving school in the spring.
The last was leaving my relationship with my ex. I was engaged until this March when I got my ring back. We had tried to make things work but it just wasn't. Middle of July, I hit my breaking point where I realized that I was never going to be happy with her and decided to make a change for myself instead of living for everyone else. I packed up my dog and all of my stuff and moved back home with my father. Since then, I've been living my life for me and no one else. This is another reason that I'm going to driving school in the spring.
All the lessions that I've learned the summary is that I cannot rely on other people for happiness. If I cannot be happy for myself then I'm not going to be happy with anyone else. I have a tattoo on my tricep that says "Love the life you live." I live with that motto, plus having that tattoo makes me a hypocrate if I'm miserable with myself all the time.