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Tell us something embarrasing about yourself...
smoke_em_if_you_got_em
Posts: 4,990 ✭✭✭✭✭
Hope all is well brothers..I was driving to the mall last night and I was doing something that I thought would be pretty embarrasing if anyone were to find out. So I decided to start this post for you all to post something that would be emabarrased for us to know..
I mean it could be a song on your ipod that might question your manhood..something that happened to you out in public etc..you get the point!!
So let me start off 1st...well last night i was driving to the mall and I drove my wifes car. Turned on the cd player and just happened to have a Kelly Clarkson cd in there..I totally listened to "beautiful disaster" about 3 times and even sang along to...cant get anymore embarrasing then that!!
So go ahead man up and tell us something about you so we can all have a good laugh....
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About ten years ago, a group of guys and I went on a road trip to St. Louis for a Springsteen concert. Great concert. Afterwards we hit the town only to find out that the town is dry after about 1:30am. That's no good..... So, by reccomendation from a bouncer, we head to a "night club" in East St. Louis. This place is awesome. I think it was called "CC's", or something like that. Anyways, there's like 4 or 5 stages with girls dancing all over. All gorgeous and fun. We do the usual, have some beers and get a few lap dances. All is going well. Then, the lights go dim, a smoke machine kicks in on the mainstage and the DJ announces: "Everyone head over to the main stage for SCANDALOUS!!!" Of course we head over. Can't miss this, right? Well, these two girls come out on the stage in full S&M gear. Head to toe leather, chains, whips..... the whole nine yards. They start putting on a show, very nice. Then the DJ asks for a volunteer from the audience. So, I raise my hand.......... I look around, and I'm the only a**hole with his hand up. Uh-oh. So, then the two girls come down off the stage, grab me and pull me up there. They put me in a chair and tie my hands behind my back!Then blindfold me!!! I'm thinking this is either gonna be really good or really REALLY bad. They proceded to give me lap dances, whip me gently a few times and have a little fun. Now the DJ chimes in again and says that one of the girls will be putting some whip cream on her nipple and i have to try and lick it off. I can't see sh**, mind you. So, he says, "Alright buddy, start licking!!" So here I am blindfolded, hands behind my back, sitting in a chair leaning forward with my tongue out licking air......... pretty embarrssing, right? Well at that moment, the other girl rips off my blindfold and inches from my tongue is the business end of a strap-on that the other girl is wearing!!!!
I almost pissed myself.
But after about 3 free lap dances from the two girls involved..... I recovered ;-)
After taking a sip, and liking the taste, I downed three cups in about 30 minutes. Brushing off the concerned looks people gave me, I paid no mind and continued to play quarters. After awhile, we started shooting pool in the garage and I was hammered but feeling okay.
I stepped outside to light a cig. and almost immediately started a torrent of vomit - think Exorcist here. I think I killed some of his grass, lol. They finally carried my ass into the house and laid me on the sofa. About 4am I wake up with that "I need to take a monster piss" feeling. I was hurting pretty bad at that point and simply looked at where the bathroom was, it seemed miles away, and knew there was no way I was getting there. So, I did the only thing I could and let loose. A few of hours later, I woke up and drove home. To this day, I can't even handle the smell of tequila - I get a major gag reflex.
So, what did I win? j/k :-)
Suddenly my roomate wakes up and asks "what the hell is dripping on my feet" - turns out that for whatever reason, I had mistaken the foot of his bed for a urinal. Out of nowhere I said "I was trying to refill my water bottle and I spilled it by accident" (I always kept a water bottle near my bed). He just turned over and went back to sleep, never suspecting.
¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
I got up to use the men's room, and when I came back I noticed there were a lot of empty seats. So I make the slightly buzzed decision to walk down the empty chairs into my seat, rather than disturb the people at the end of my row by making them get up.
As I got close to my seat, I saw that the seat next to my best friend was emtpty, so I planned on stepping on that chair, then just "swinging" over him to my seat.
So I step on the empty chair next to him (these are the collapsable chairs you find in baseball stadiums) and as I was swinging my leg over him, the chair collapses and my foot goes with it. In order to balance and catch myself, I put my other foot on his armrest, the one closest to my seat.
So now I have one foot on the ground, trapped between the seat and the back of the chair, one foot across him on his armrest, and my crotch directly in front of his face. Being slightly intoxicated, I didn't really see the big deal, I was just trying to get my foot out of the chair and everything would be fine. So I reach over to try and free my foot from the chair and as I'm doing this, my lower body--pelvic region--included is moving quite a bit, right in front of my friend's face. As I'm trying to free myself, I say something like "If I can just..." and my friend cuts me off "Move your f**king foot!"
I then realized what was happening and I finally manage to get free. As I was getting untangled, I heard a smattering of applause throughout my section and some guy yelled "get a room!"
I looked at my sister and she was laughing so hard she was petrified. My g/f was walking back from getting a drink and she sat down and asked "what's up guys?" and my friend was pale as a sheet in his chair.
After that day he said he searched youtube for "diamondbacks game two gay guys" and we were NOT on there, so that was good news. :-D
Her: Honey, what are you doing?
Me: What the he11 does it look like I'm doing?
Her: I have no idea - come back to bed.
Me: Will you leave me alone?!?!?
Her: What are you doing??? You're creeping me out!!!
Me: I'M TRYING TO TAKE A P1SS HERE IF YOU'D LEAVE ME THE H3LL ALONE!!!
To this day, I have absolutely NO recollection of this conversation taking place. Give you one guess who got to do the laundry the next day... LMAOOOOOOOO!