My poor delicious Ruination
bigharpoon
Posts: 2,963 ✭✭✭
Here's a tragic little tale of a bastardized MOW Ruination:
While gearing up to shovel many pounds of new snow I grab a cigar and head to the garage to emotionally prepare for the task. I head out, the power of the Ruination shielding me against the wife's hairy eyeball. My plan is simple, smoke the Ruination first and then shovel later.
About 1/2" in I'm getting a little fidgety hanging out by myself in the cold garage so I begin to putter about. I decide to fix my daughter's boat rocker. I go slow. I've ruined more than one cigar by puttering too hard. Not this time!
An inch in and things are going great. Cigar is excellent. Boat rocker is officially up on the bench to be worked upon. Snow is still falling. I reach for my first tool, turn back around and...the cigar is missing. Where'd it go? What the hell? Where is it? Uh-oh, there it is, on the exceptionally dirty shop floor. Rats!
I've had cigars drop before so at first I'm glad I found it at all and no longer have to worry about the garage burning down. Then I notice the wrapper. Huge piece missing, big cracks all around. Rats, again! I'm stubborn like mule so I smoke it for a while with the new wrapper, also known as binder, sawdust and some black crap, but it just doesn't have that sweetness I love. I finally decide to cut and relight.
My guillotine cutter is barely big enough to scrape down the cigar to the wrapper's edge. Phew! I cut and all seems okay, except I just lost 2" of cigar. The world is in harmony again. For about 1/2" and then...more wrapper cracks. These are bad. They go down both sides of the cigar like fault lines. No saving it this time. Freakin' Rats!
I get another 1/4" of fleeting bliss before it's on the edge of destruction. When the burn hits the cracks it's over. Time to put it down and go shovel. I figure I managed about 1 1/2" of good cigar smoking from the poor, mis-treated fella, my first in 5 days. But I did learn some important lessons:
1. Don't drop a cigar with a ring gauge bigger than your cutter (I would have missed out on that last 1/4" of fine smoking).
2. Next time I put my cigar down on the bench I'm putting it between the handles of my pliers.
3. I STILL LOVE RUINATION!!!
May this tale serve as a warning to any of you who try to multi-task and turn your back on your cigar, even for an instant!!!
While gearing up to shovel many pounds of new snow I grab a cigar and head to the garage to emotionally prepare for the task. I head out, the power of the Ruination shielding me against the wife's hairy eyeball. My plan is simple, smoke the Ruination first and then shovel later.
About 1/2" in I'm getting a little fidgety hanging out by myself in the cold garage so I begin to putter about. I decide to fix my daughter's boat rocker. I go slow. I've ruined more than one cigar by puttering too hard. Not this time!
An inch in and things are going great. Cigar is excellent. Boat rocker is officially up on the bench to be worked upon. Snow is still falling. I reach for my first tool, turn back around and...the cigar is missing. Where'd it go? What the hell? Where is it? Uh-oh, there it is, on the exceptionally dirty shop floor. Rats!
I've had cigars drop before so at first I'm glad I found it at all and no longer have to worry about the garage burning down. Then I notice the wrapper. Huge piece missing, big cracks all around. Rats, again! I'm stubborn like mule so I smoke it for a while with the new wrapper, also known as binder, sawdust and some black crap, but it just doesn't have that sweetness I love. I finally decide to cut and relight.
My guillotine cutter is barely big enough to scrape down the cigar to the wrapper's edge. Phew! I cut and all seems okay, except I just lost 2" of cigar. The world is in harmony again. For about 1/2" and then...more wrapper cracks. These are bad. They go down both sides of the cigar like fault lines. No saving it this time. Freakin' Rats!
I get another 1/4" of fleeting bliss before it's on the edge of destruction. When the burn hits the cracks it's over. Time to put it down and go shovel. I figure I managed about 1 1/2" of good cigar smoking from the poor, mis-treated fella, my first in 5 days. But I did learn some important lessons:
1. Don't drop a cigar with a ring gauge bigger than your cutter (I would have missed out on that last 1/4" of fine smoking).
2. Next time I put my cigar down on the bench I'm putting it between the handles of my pliers.
3. I STILL LOVE RUINATION!!!
May this tale serve as a warning to any of you who try to multi-task and turn your back on your cigar, even for an instant!!!
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Comments
Too many things for my sausage mitts to juggle, and I dropped the cigar. I was heart-broken to see the big crack in the wrapper, but I still smoked it all the way down and it held on pretty good.
This is why box-pressing was invented...too bad MOW Ruination isn't.