I'm a pansie

roland_7707roland_7707 Posts: 2,834 ✭✭✭
So just so you new dads know, don't watch 'Father of the Bride' while your 3 month old daughter is sleeping on your chest. Very bad results.
Just saying.
I now have multiple plans in mind for when she brings a boy around.
One God, One Truth

Comments

  • JonathanEJonathanE Posts: 401
    Haha! I have a 1 year old and have the same sort of thoughts when I see her flirting with older men. Yes, it has already started!!!

    JDE

  • PuroFreakPuroFreak Posts: 4,132
    May I suggest you both purchase a shotgun and a shovel... And maybe a plot of land in the middle of nowhere.
  • jr_p951jr_p951 Posts: 1,121
    I have a 16 year old daughter and I tell her and any boy that thinks about coming around...I'd just take him out on a boat with a wood chipper. Shoot him, run him thru the wood chipper over the boat, dump wood chipper and gun over board. Then proceed to catch sharks feeding off the chum. Spray out boat on the way in and celebrate my successful shark catch.
  • fla-gypsyfla-gypsy Posts: 3,024 ✭✭
    Hang a shotgun over the mantle and write each suitors name on a shotgun shell in their presence as you meet them. Message sent-Problem solved
  • beatnicbeatnic Posts: 4,133
    +1 LOL
  • dbeckomdbeckom Istanbul Turkey Posts: 2,190 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I have 3 girls...ages 14, 15, and the oldest will be 17 in 2 weeks! The oldest is kinda quiet, but the other two are very outgoing...they're all three stressfully gorgeous! God, why couldn't I have had ugly kids?

    "Any cigar smoker is friend, because I know how he feels." Alfred de Musset

     "A fine cigar is just like a woman. If you don't light it up just right and suck on it with a certain frequency, it will go out on you." Unknown

    “A pipe is to the troubled soul what caresses of a mother are for her suffering child.”  Indian Proverb
  • HeavyHeavy Posts: 1,591 ✭✭✭
    fla-gypsy:
    Hang a shotgun over the mantle and write each suitors name on a shotgun shell in their presence as you meet them. Message sent-Problem solved
    That is EXACTLY the advice I was going to give. Heard it second hand from a preacher. Put their name on a shell when they come to pickup your daughter, set it on the mantle, and say "have a nice date. don't bring her home late."
  • JCizzleJCizzle NYCPosts: 1,912 ✭✭
    I hear a lot of talk, but I know you all can't wait to walk your daughters down the aisle. :-D

    *ducks behind the desk*
    Light 'em up.
  • JonathanEJonathanE Posts: 401
    Heavy:
    fla-gypsy:
    Hang a shotgun over the mantle and write each suitors name on a shotgun shell in their presence as you meet them. Message sent-Problem solved
    That is EXACTLY the advice I was going to give. Heard it second hand from a preacher. Put their name on a shell when they come to pickup your daughter, set it on the mantle, and say "have a nice date. don't bring her home late."
    I have a 460 S&W Performance Center Revolver. It would be pretty easy to get an engraver - or acid etch! - the name onto a nickel plated case and then handload it with a bullet that I nickel plate - "Yes, son, that there bullet is silver and it has your name on it!"

    JDE

  • amz1301amz1301 Posts: 1,299
    My daughter just turned two but me and my bro already got something worked up like this from Bad Boys II.

    Bad Boys II scene
  • rossdavey2rossdavey2 Posts: 979
    Back home a friend of mine went to pick up a girl. Her Dad answered the door. A big hairy ship yard man. He then grabbed my friends head and kissed him full on the lips. He then said "anything you do to my girl will happen to you and I promise you wont enjoy it. I don't have a problem going back to jail."

    That really worked.
  • DSWarmackDSWarmack Posts: 1,426
    Having four daughters, 3 months through 12 years, I have lots of plans and lots of guns. My oldest had a boyfriend for the first time a few months ago (lasted three days). I told him that he was the first boyfriend I'd let her have, not to screw it up. Then I took the silenced Walther PPK and put three shots into a 4 inch target across the yard. I'm not sure if he crapped his pants, but he sure did have a funny gait walking home!
  • YankeeManYankeeMan Posts: 2,216 ✭✭✭✭
    Just mention that when he brings her home, you're going to dust her for prints...
  • madurofanmadurofan Posts: 6,152
    dbeckom:
    I have 3 girls...ages 14, 15, and the oldest will be 17 in 2 weeks! The oldest is kinda quiet, but the other two are very outgoing...they're all three stressfully gorgeous! God, why couldn't I have had ugly kids?
    OMG 14, 15 and 17. I seriously feel bad for you, I was trying to come up with something smartassed to say but just kept thinking about the Estrogen ocean you are swimming in and feeling bad for you ....

    When my oldest brother had his twin girls, I told him "Wait till they bring a guy home and say Daddy you'll like him, he's just like you". He took a swing at me.
  • letsgowithbobletsgowithbob Posts: 677
    My dad was my second favorite boy thrasher. He knew when my sisters new guys were coming over, and he would be working in the garage on his 66 nova (468 with a blower). The guy would come in, dad would start talking to them about the car, and be the friendliest guy ever. The kid would think he had it made. My dad would offer him a beer, and 9/10 the guy would accept. Then the hammer dropped. My dad would say "you want to drink a beer....UNDERAGE...and then drive my daughter around in your car...."?? " I think you need to leave" The expression of confusion on the guys faces as they walked away dunbfounded was always the best..."what just hapenned"...lol It was always a fun time for me to be in the garage.
  • letsgowithbobletsgowithbob Posts: 677
    My first favorite was one of my friends. His daughter was going on the first date with a new guy. The guy came in, and acted really cocky, calling my friend "dude" and "Bro". just acting real "my $h!t don't stink".

    My friend pulls out his duty gun, and ejects a round out of the chamber, tosses the round to the boy, and asks " Do you know what that is"
    The boy stammers "yes it's a .40 cal bullet Mr. *&%$" My friend says " thats correct, and if my daughters not home by ten...it's going to come at you a lot faster next time" The kid got really respectful really quick, and was quite a nice young man after that.
  • cabinetmakercabinetmaker Posts: 2,561
    Got one coming in January, not sure if It's a boy or girl; but if its a girl - ...well, let's just say I have lots of land.
  • kuzi16kuzi16 Posts: 14,616 ✭✭✭✭
    when i was in high school i went my new girlfriends house to pick her up for the first time.
    i ring the door bell and i am let in. her mother directs me to the living room where her father is trying to intimidate me by cleaning his shotgun. he just kinda glares at me. i sit down and ask him (very confidently because i a was an avid hunter at the time) "What gauge is that?"
    he glares at me and tells me its a Browning lite 20 gauge semi auto.
    instantly i smile because my dad has the SAME GUN and i am quick to tell him so. I tell him about the Ruger i have, and the Winchester model 1200 i hunt with frequently. we end up talking guns/hunting for the next 10 minutes (woulda been more had the girlfriend let me) and we got an extra hour on curfew. he and i were good friends after that.
  • djbeeniedjbeenie Posts: 469
    amz1301:
    My daughter just turned two but me and my bro already got something worked up like this from Bad Boys II.

    Bad Boys II scene
    +1 This is how it will be if I have a daughter! I will hopefully get to find out on our next Dr. visit.
  • roland_7707roland_7707 Posts: 2,834 ✭✭✭
    Lots of good ideas fellas, thanks.
    One God, One Truth
  • The SniperThe Sniper Posts: 3,910
    Lots of people save for their child's college tuition. I save for legal fees relating to my daughter.

    I figure if I can either cripple or make disappear the first one who messes up with them, and then beat the charges, all who come thereafter with either daughter will know better than to mess up.

    I have friends who give me " Do you think thats actually going to work?" when I have these kinds of discussions. I always reply with a cheery "Probably not, but its never stopped a father of daughters in recorded history worth his salt from trying."

  • HaysHays Costa del Sol, SpainPosts: 2,338 ✭✭✭
    amz1301:
    My daughter just turned two but me and my bro already got something worked up like this from Bad Boys II.

    Bad Boys II scene
    I just about died laughing the first time I saw this scene, and it never fails to crack me up each time..

    Regarding the general conversation..well the thing is, I don't have any daughters yet, but I have two nieces and a 19y/o (mentally-disabled) little sister. The funny thing is, anybody that knows that about me thinks it's hilarious because they know just how...protective? I am lol...

    Funny story.. couple days back I'm at a preview party for a new restaurant with free drinks, so naturally I proceed to get hammered. Who decides to call me but my little sister "Hey Dave...I got a new boyfriend!" "Oh yeah hun? Dad know?" Yeah... "Ok, you tell him you got a real big and ugly brother?" (my standard line) "Yeah Dave I told him. He said doesn't matter, he could kick your butt" **drunk testosterone kicks in** "NO YOU TELL THAT LITTLE F*CKER I'M GONNA STOM...uhh..yeah...sweetheart I'm with some friends right now so I'm gonna have to let you go. Have a good night..."

    (Side note: Rodney Atkins "Cleaning This Gun" came on the radio totally unsolicited while I was reading this thread)
    ¨The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea¨ - Isak Dinesen

    ¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
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