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Who did you get in a car chase with today?

dutyjedutyje Posts: 2,263
Since we've got threads about what we smoked, drank, ate, read, watched on TV, masturbated to, and everything else on here.... I saw a gap and decided to fill it.. OK.. not really, I just can't sleep because I just came inside after spending the last 2 hrs dealing with the latest dipshit to attempt widening the streets in our neighborhood :)

So I come inside after smoking my pipe, and I'm relaxing and checking some e-mail, when I hear a loud crash. My first thought was, "golly (translated from Ebonics a la Airplane), that sounds like a ton of snow sliding off the roof and crashing down.. but I thought all the snow had melted already"... or something to that effect. I went outside to investigate, and a couple neighbors were in the street. John, across the street, yells, "he went that way! he's in a pickup truck!" so I dash inside and grab my keys, and head out to my car.. I asked for a color on the vehicle, and all I get was "I don't know... it's a dark pickup truck."

There are two entrances to our neighborhood, and the vehicle left in the direction of the further entrance, so I decided to head out the near entrance and zip down the road to head him off. No sign of any cars, and I figure he's already fled, so I cut back into the neighborhood and decide to do a quick check up and down the streets. As I pull down one road, I see a car coming toward me, but can't tell what it is. However, as I pass it, I see it is a dark pickup, and notice one of our neighbors chasing it down the street.

Being of above-average intelligence (according to the tests), I deduced that this was the same vehicle that had started all the trouble around my house, so I did my best Dukes of Hazzard fishtail and went off in hot (as hot as 25-30 mph gets) pursuit. Another neighbor picked up the runner and followed us as well. We trapped the truck on a cul de sac, and got out to confront the driver when he tried to drive away. Once we got him blocked in, he became confrontational and I called the police for some help.

Turns out the kid (20) had been drinking excessively, and had been knocking over our city-issued trash cans and recycling bins for kicks, driving up and down the streets. By his account, he got 3 houses... by our account on foot, we saw no less than a dozen. He claimed it was an accident, but I couldn't process the logic of hitting even three trash cans and still not deciding you were too intoxicated or incompetent to operate a motor vehicle.

The cops didn't show up for an hour... and it's unseasonably cold for Charlotte (actually, there is no season in Charlotte that normally sees this type of weather). My other witnesses eventually backed out, and I was flying solo with this dipshit. We had already confiscated his keys, and put his car away for this night. Having no handy breathylizer (sp), I simplified the deal with the kid.

I said I would drive him around and inventory his damage. He would pick up all the trash cans and bins, clean everything up, and give me the addresses of all the places that he had hit, while I recorded them in my car. I had him call my cell phone from his, so that I could get in touch with him tomorrow, and we would go door to door, and he would issue an in-person apology to the owners, and explain what he had done.

While we were on our neighborhood detail, a police car came driving by. I flagged the car down, explained the situation, and let the officer take it from there. Then the second cop car showed up and I let it all unfold as an innocent bystander. My neighbor across the street came by and notified me that we had missed a couple places.... including my own (!) .. apparently, the kid had done a number on my place and I hadn't even noticed. How I missed this, I will never know.

The kid blew twice the legal limit, and now I am a witness to him operating the truck while in that condition. He was hauled away, and since all the other samaritans retired for the night, I'm the one stuck travelling downtown for the court appearance (actually at least two, according to the third officer on the scene, because they always get at least one stay). Before they took him off to jail, I made sure they hauled him over to my house to clean up my mess. And make sure he sorts the recyclables into their various bins... we're very particular about that at my house :)

I need to quit saying that there is no drama in my life... because it seems every time I make that sort of claim, some moron comes along and does something like this when I happen to be around. I live in a very stereotypically suburban middle class neighborhood. It was a fun evening, anyway, and with a little work I can doctor this into a good story :)


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