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Hubby says no go. He thinks I'm crazy.

Well, I might as well throw the cigar smoking idea in the dump. My husband is very opposed to my smoking cigars, EVEN if I do it on the back porch with no one around. He thinks I'm off my rocker. I disagree. I've been under a great amount of stress for a long time, and if I want to take the edge off with a cigar, why not? It's not illegal, I'm hurting no one. I could do a lot worse things. I can't even drink (I didn't like it), but I did like the cigars I've had. Does anyone have any kind of clue to help persuade my husband that this is not crazy? I'm really disappointed. I'm not the kind of woman that bows down to her husband, and we both work to make our living and we have a good marriage, for many years, but I do have to live with him and would preferably like to do it in peace. I'm so disappointed. There's got to be a way! Suggestions? So help me, I want to go smoke one.
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Comments

  • The_KidThe_Kid Posts: 7,871 ✭✭✭
    We'll I seem to remember him not being keen on the Idea to begin with? Was it due to health concerns, Smoking in general? Think he would be open to you smoking pipe? Or maybe he would enjoy a pipe while you enjoy a cigar, Pipe smoking is wonderful and the aromas' of spices and tobacco wins most everyone over, maybe you can seduce him with a pipe and a blend of some different samples for your local Pipe & obacco store,, Good luck to ya , and if you have to give cigars up, it was nice havin you, take care and best wishes. Oh Btw let him know that being crazy is very en vogue these days
  • Russ55Russ55 Posts: 2,765
    I think the key is most likely going to be education. You have to keep in mind that to most people a cigar is nothing more than a big cigarette with the same health risks. Which really isn't true. They have more in common with wine than anything, at least the way I perceive them, they do. Explain and show him how cigars are about relaxation, taste, and aroma, and really have nothing to do with getting a fix. Anyway, that's my suggestion. Hopefully it gets resolved amicably.
  • MarkerMarker Posts: 2,524
    My wife hates cigars. Her dad smoked cigarettes for years. In the car, windows closed. In the house, all the time etc. So she is totally against tobacco in general. She still respects my decision to smoke cigars none the less. Even though it costs us money there are a lot of worse things I could do with the money.

    Comes down to communication and respect. He needs to communicate to you why he dislikes it. If there is a valid concern on his end he should express it. Then he should respect your decision either way. I love my wife and I am not trying to kill myself. She understands that. He should understand this is something you enjoy.
  • Do what my wife does.....stop cooking and cleaning. Things turn around real quick.
  • KriegKrieg Posts: 5,092 ✭✭✭
    My wife was the same way. Can't stand cigars. Always nagged me every time I wanted to have one. I basically had to sit her down and explain to her that a cigar is not a cigarette and I don't smoke them to get nicotine (purpose of cigarettes). I enjoy cigars and I smoke them to relax. Once she realized that they re not cigarettes and I wasn't going to stop cigars, she got over it. Just can't smoke in the house till I build my cigar lounge.
  • roland_7707roland_7707 Posts: 2,834 ✭✭✭
    Like they said above, communication is key, goes for a lot of things in a marriage. Ask if he wants to try one and see how it is, he might like it.
    One God, One Truth
  • SalemSalem Posts: 717
    His thing is that he says that in those countries that make the cigars, they have no regulations on what they put on the tobacco while growing, such as terrible chemicals. NO regulations like they do in the USA and he says there's no telling what they put on the tobacco. Is this true?
  • sightunseensightunseen Posts: 2,130
    Salem:
    His thing is that he says that in those countries that make the cigars, they have no regulations on what they put on the tobacco while growing, such as terrible chemicals. NO regulations like they do in the USA and he says there's no telling what they put on the tobacco. Is this true?
    I find his comment ironic, seeing how American cigarettes often contain chemicals like arsenic and other harmful substances.

    I remember reading somewhere that some tobacco farms do use pesticides of some sort on the young seedlings when they are at their most vulnerable. These pesticides are designed to be temporary and are gone by the time the plants are harvested. Even if there are pesticides left when the leaves are harvested, I can imagine that the fermentation process will remove virtually all traces of it. Whenever I've read about tobacco, the issue that I always come across has been mold. Farmers have gotten around that by breeding mold resistance strains rather than using fungicides.
  • wwhwangwwhwang Ottawa, ON, CanadaPosts: 2,878 ✭✭✭
    Actually, cigars, unless they're infused, have no chemicals put into it other than the natural pesticide they use to kill tobacco beetles and eggs. Even then, the pesticide (used in fumigation) isn't left on the tobacco. The only other "chemical" in cigar tobacco is the naturally occuring nicotine that's mostly been fermented away by the aging process. Even then, the nicotine in cigars are absorbed much slower than cigarettes because you're not inhaling it and absorbing it with the much more senstitive lung tissues. Cigarettes, even with the horrendous amounts of regulations thrust onto the industry, have hundreds of chemicals in them.

    Though regulations are meant to make something safe for the consumer and the environment, many are pointless and cost money. Consider the meat industry. Instead of having batches of meat randomly tested for parasites and harmful bacteria and then treating them, we've put in place more inspectors that just glance at the meat as it moves forward in line, so long as there's a certain amount of foreign material in our food that's acceptable.
  • MarkerMarker Posts: 2,524
    I think Alex should answer this. I have not heard there are dangerous chemicals in cigars.

    Cigarettes are riddled with additives and toxins that are added with the tobacco, but I am not sure it is added while growing. Never heard anything like this.

    I go to a B&M where many long time smokers hang out. NOT ONE of them has heard of a friend or cigar smoker dying of Emphsema, Lung Cancer, Stomach Cancer, Mouth Cancer, etc, etc. The examples of people they cite that die from these are the people that chew and smoke cigars or just plain chew on cigars daily for a long tiime. Not your 1 or 2 cigars a day people. Your occasional (3-4 cigars a week) barely are getting any nicotine compared to chew or cigarettes.

    Look it up online and contact Ccom by phone for some honest answers. Ccom is not trying to lie or mislead anyone here. Cigars have health concerns. Everyone knows they do. They are nowhere close to cigarettes.
  • MarkerMarker Posts: 2,524
    http://www.bigredcigar.com/2010/01/health-effects-of-smoking-cigars/ --- Try this as well. Good idea of what you are doing compared to cigarettes.
  • roland_7707roland_7707 Posts: 2,834 ✭✭✭
    +1 for Alex.
    One God, One Truth
  • KriegKrieg Posts: 5,092 ✭✭✭
    Salem:
    His thing is that he says that in those countries that make the cigars, they have no regulations on what they put on the tobacco while growing, such as terrible chemicals. NO regulations like they do in the USA and he says there's no telling what they put on the tobacco. Is this true?
    no offense to your husband, but he just doesn't understand tobacco and cigars. He should go to you tube and do a search about the cigar making process. He will get a better idea (a great idea actually) how cigars are made and what happens to the tobacco during the cigar making process. I'd argue that a cigar has more in common with a bottle of wine, than it does with a cigarette.
  • JDHJDH Posts: 2,107
    Salem:
    Well, I might as well throw the cigar smoking idea in the dump. My husband is very opposed to my smoking cigars, EVEN if I do it on the back porch with no one around. He thinks I'm off my rocker. I disagree. I've been under a great amount of stress for a long time, and if I want to take the edge off with a cigar, why not? It's not illegal, I'm hurting no one. I could do a lot worse things. I can't even drink (I didn't like it), but I did like the cigars I've had. Does anyone have any kind of clue to help persuade my husband that this is not crazy? I'm really disappointed. I'm not the kind of woman that bows down to her husband, and we both work to make our living and we have a good marriage, for many years, but I do have to live with him and would preferably like to do it in peace. I'm so disappointed. There's got to be a way! Suggestions? So help me, I want to go smoke one.
    I've been married to the same woman for 36 years. She is not my mommy, she's my wife. I'm not her daddy, I'm ner husband. We cannot prevent each other from doing something that isn't illegal, or doesn't go against our vows. I will never, ever understand how a spouse can forbid their partner to smoke cigars. When I started using cigars, my wife wasn't crazy about it, but I just told her that it was something I wanted to do, because it helped me to relax, and I was going to do it because I enjoyed it, and that was the end of it. I used the analogy of golf and hunting - they're both expensive, time consuming hobies, but she wouldn't even have batted an eye if I said I was going to take up either of them, so why begrudge me the pleasure of enjoying premium cigars?

    Since then she has actually gotten pretty comfortable with my cigars. Se loves the fragrance of the humidor when I open it, and she's enjoying learning about the cigars I collect.

    My advice would be to use some fairly straightforward reasoning, and to be firm in your insistence. Perhaps you could invite him out to sit with you sometime, or to visit a local cigar bar for an hour or so. Good luck.
  • jr_p951jr_p951 Posts: 1,121
    There are many spouses in the same boat!! My wife doesn't like cigars but I do. I nicely explained to her that there are many things I could be doing instead...chasing women, going to strip clubs, drinking heavily, you name it. If my biggest problem is that I smoke a cigar every now and then...she's good. We can't all be perfect and if I'm really happy with my marriage and smoke a cigar every now and then...can she really complain? I'm not a bad husband, I'm faithful, do my husband duties, and frankly...spank that ass when Daddy needs to! Whats so bad about a cigar...really? I don't smoke it in the house and I usually enjoy it while accomplishing other things. Maybe its the company of other guys he doesn't like.
  • SalemSalem Posts: 717
    But I don't hang around any guys when I smoke! Just my female Chocolate Labrador retriever, lol!
  • JDHJDH Posts: 2,107
    Salem:
    But I don't hang around any guys when I smoke! Just my female Chocolate Labrador retriever, lol!
    Encourage him to sit with you, so he can see how much you enjoy them...then maybe you could reward him afterward...you know, you scratch my back & I'll scratch yours.
  • jr_p951jr_p951 Posts: 1,121
    JDH:
    Salem:
    But I don't hang around any guys when I smoke! Just my female Chocolate Labrador retriever, lol!
    Encourage him to sit with you, so he can see how much you enjoy them...then maybe you could reward him afterward...you know, you scratch my back & I'll scratch yours.
    That could work! After a few years, my wife gave up on asking about smoking. She even buys them for me every now and then. She wanted to pick out a cigar for Christmas and asked whats one that I wanted that I normally wouldn't buy. I replied..."can I pick out your shoes?" She bought me a new smoker instead.
  • dowjr1dowjr1 Posts: 600
    The reality is we all have stress in our lives and as such have a variety of mechanisms to help cope with those stresses. For me I train jiu-jitsu, lift weights and enjoy the occassional cocktail. Oh and of course enjoy a good stogie. For some people though, they smoke cigarettes or pot, pop pills, take drugs, etc. So you can let your stress do bad things to you or you can use something like cigars to diffuse the stress in another way. Your hubby should realize we all need an outlet. I am sure he has one.
  • SalemSalem Posts: 717
    JDH:
    Salem:
    Well, I might as well throw the cigar smoking idea in the dump. My husband is very opposed to my smoking cigars, EVEN if I do it on the back porch with no one around. He thinks I'm off my rocker. I disagree. I've been under a great amount of stress for a long time, and if I want to take the edge off with a cigar, why not? It's not illegal, I'm hurting no one. I could do a lot worse things. I can't even drink (I didn't like it), but I did like the cigars I've had. Does anyone have any kind of clue to help persuade my husband that this is not crazy? I'm really disappointed. I'm not the kind of woman that bows down to her husband, and we both work to make our living and we have a good marriage, for many years, but I do have to live with him and would preferably like to do it in peace. I'm so disappointed. There's got to be a way! Suggestions? So help me, I want to go smoke one.
    I've been married to the same woman for 36 years. She is not my mommy, she's my wife. I'm not her daddy, I'm ner husband. We cannot prevent each other from doing something that isn't illegal, or doesn't go against our vows. I will never, ever understand how a spouse can forbid their partner to smoke cigars. When I started using cigars, my wife wasn't crazy about it, but I just told her that it was something I wanted to do, because it helped me to relax, and I was going to do it because I enjoyed it, and that was the end of it. I used the analogy of golf and hunting - they're both expensive, time consuming hobies, but she wouldn't even have batted an eye if I said I was going to take up either of them, so why begrudge me the pleasure of enjoying premium cigars?

    Since then she has actually gotten pretty comfortable with my cigars. Se loves the fragrance of the humidor when I open it, and she's enjoying learning about the cigars I collect.

    My advice would be to use some fairly straightforward reasoning, and to be firm in your insistence. Perhaps you could invite him out to sit with you sometime, or to visit a local cigar bar for an hour or so. Good luck.
    I agree with you!!! Love your thinking and agree with the rest of you too. Thank you!!
  • RhamlinRhamlin WVPosts: 7,527 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Salem:
    His thing is that he says that in those countries that make the cigars, they have no regulations on what they put on the tobacco while growing, such as terrible chemicals. NO regulations like they do in the USA and he says there's no telling what they put on the tobacco. Is this true?
    Yeah he's definately got his facts wrong. The people raising premium tobacco go to great pains and expense. To raise and cure our cigar tobacco. In fact most of the chemicals found naturally in tobacco leaf are lost thru the aging process.
    I'm wondering also if maybe he doesn't think it's weird for a woman to smoke cigars if so you can google woman smoking cigars, there's plenty out there.
  • SalemSalem Posts: 717
    Rhamlin:
    Salem:
    His thing is that he says that in those countries that make the cigars, they have no regulations on what they put on the tobacco while growing, such as terrible chemicals. NO regulations like they do in the USA and he says there's no telling what they put on the tobacco. Is this true?
    Yeah he's definately got his facts wrong. The people raising premium tobacco go to great pains and expense. To raise and cure our cigar tobacco. In fact most of the chemicals found naturally in tobacco leaf are lost thru the aging process.
    I'm wondering also if maybe he doesn't think it's weird for a woman to smoke cigars if so you can google woman smoking cigars, there's plenty out there.
    Yeah, he thinks it's weird for a woman to smoke a cigar. I've shown him cigarsmoking girl on youtube. Did nothing.
  • JDHJDH Posts: 2,107
    Salem:
    JDH:
    Salem:
    Well, I might as well throw the cigar smoking idea in the dump. My husband is very opposed to my smoking cigars, EVEN if I do it on the back porch with no one around. He thinks I'm off my rocker. I disagree. I've been under a great amount of stress for a long time, and if I want to take the edge off with a cigar, why not? It's not illegal, I'm hurting no one. I could do a lot worse things. I can't even drink (I didn't like it), but I did like the cigars I've had. Does anyone have any kind of clue to help persuade my husband that this is not crazy? I'm really disappointed. I'm not the kind of woman that bows down to her husband, and we both work to make our living and we have a good marriage, for many years, but I do have to live with him and would preferably like to do it in peace. I'm so disappointed. There's got to be a way! Suggestions? So help me, I want to go smoke one.
    I've been married to the same woman for 36 years. She is not my mommy, she's my wife. I'm not her daddy, I'm ner husband. We cannot prevent each other from doing something that isn't illegal, or doesn't go against our vows. I will never, ever understand how a spouse can forbid their partner to smoke cigars. When I started using cigars, my wife wasn't crazy about it, but I just told her that it was something I wanted to do, because it helped me to relax, and I was going to do it because I enjoyed it, and that was the end of it. I used the analogy of golf and hunting - they're both expensive, time consuming hobies, but she wouldn't even have batted an eye if I said I was going to take up either of them, so why begrudge me the pleasure of enjoying premium cigars?

    Since then she has actually gotten pretty comfortable with my cigars. Se loves the fragrance of the humidor when I open it, and she's enjoying learning about the cigars I collect.

    My advice would be to use some fairly straightforward reasoning, and to be firm in your insistence. Perhaps you could invite him out to sit with you sometime, or to visit a local cigar bar for an hour or so. Good luck.
    I agree with you!!! Love your thinking and agree with the rest of you too. Thank you!!
    BTW, she got me a box of San Lotano Ovals for Christmas this year.
  • RhamlinRhamlin WVPosts: 7,527 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Hopefully he'll just respect you enough to deal with it even if he never accepts it. My wife isn't crazy bout me doing it either. But she accepts that I'm going to do it regardless and puts up with it. She even surprised me with a spectacular sampler for Christmas. But it took a long time for her to start coming around. And she still has something to say when I smoke more than one every couple days.I wish you the best of luck.
  • bigharpoonbigharpoon Posts: 2,963 ✭✭✭
    With regards to the chemical/pesticide use wayne had a good post. Remind him that cigars are all about experiencing the flavor of the tobacco on your palate and nose. No long leaf premium cigar tobacco grower or blender would ever use a leaf that was covered in crap because then their cigar would taste like crap. These guys are experts with amazing palates, they're not going to ruin their product.

    And...show him a picture of Charlize Theron smoking a cigar and I guarantee his sticker will peck out a little.
  • Poker_SlobPoker_Slob Posts: 1,171 ✭✭✭✭
    Is he a politician? Jk... good luck to you. maybe a compromise of some sort?
  • Roberto99Roberto99 Posts: 1,077
    Don't know if any of this will help but my wife doesn't really like me smoking cigars. I just started about a year ago really mostly to learn about cigars,enjoying things, obessions, etc. Learning anything I could about myself and my life by doing something totally different.

    She used to smoke cigarettes and quit shortly before we met 5 years ago. She doesn't beeitch or anything but she says it makes her feel like smoking cigarettes again and she doesn't want to do that.

    On the other hand, we have some friends...the wife wouldn't let her husband get a motorcycle, he asked and asked again, finally she said, "if you get a million dollar life insurance policy you can have your motorcycle." He did it and got it, now she is happy as a clam! To really appreciate that story you would have to see how she looks. She could easily be on one of those housewives reality shows. My wife and I couldn't stop laughing when we got home that night! Anyhow, maybe you can find some common ground with him. Good luck!
  • gmill880gmill880 Posts: 5,947
    Man or woman ... one trying to control what the other does thats not immoral or illegal is B.S. Just my two cents worth .
  • blurrblurr Posts: 962 ✭✭
    I have to say this is the LAST direction I expected this to go when Salem joined. Usually, its 180 degrees around, guys love tobacco & women hate it. So when you joined I figured your hubby or bf got you into cigars. I would never expect the male in the relationship to pull the naggy controlling what you do trick. You'll have to pick on hubby, & let him know he's doing the womans job by nagging & trying to control how you enjoy your free time. (my wife loves trying to tell me what to do btw so I know how it is).
  • Ken_LightKen_Light Posts: 3,539 ✭✭✭
    Salem:
    But I don't hang around any guys when I smoke! Just my female Chocolate Labrador retriever, lol!
    To play devil's advocate here:

    You're on here chatting with a bunch of guys on a pretty regular basis.

    One or two of those guys sent you gifts in the mail after hardly knowing you more than a day or two, and some of the rest are telling you what to try next and anticipating your writing about your experiences.

    Now, don't get me wrong, everyone here knows that this same thing happens to most guys that are friendly enough to say 'hi' as well, but my point is that your husband sure as hell doesn't know that. A lot of people tend to get nervous/jealous when their spouse takes up a new hobby that doesn't involve them and involves others they don't know. Also, a lot of people fear that their spouse will begin cheating on them through the internet. You've kind of unwittingly hit your husband with a one-two punch of both at the moment.

    I'd start there, and if concerns like chemicals don't magically vanish, you can address them later.
    ^Troll: DO NOT FEED.
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