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Review: FF Dog Rocket (Parejo)

Foster Farms Dog Rocket
Vitola: 5.5 x 68
Wrapper: Cornmeal
Filler: Chicken (machine seperated and bunched)
Beverage: Diet Dr Pepper
After much debate I decided to try a full-size machine-made parejo.
I removed the cellophane and there was noticeable plume on the wrapper.
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Crafted with Cornmeal grown in the Midwestern United States with a seperated chicken filler, I knew I was in for a different experience. The binder is apparently made from the some stuff as the wrapper but in a richer, more moist format.
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After clipping the head to allow an easier start, I tested the pre-light and there was an aroma of wheat and a slight taste of honey. After the initial puff, I had to dip the stick in a special vinegar/horseradish base to cool down the stick. I found this disappointing as the point of a larger vitola is for a cooler draw.
However, I found the filler-to-wrapper ratio to be just about perfect.
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The first one-third was a dazzlingly complex mix of flavors ranging from a wheaty but vinegary draw with a mostly gamey finish. Stick was cool and well-balanced at this point.
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As I went into the second third of the stick I experienced more of the same, but wasn't really expecting any changes or surprises for a machine-made. I noticed there were some blemishes to the wrapper and at one point some slight splitting, but it did not effect the overall flavor or experience of the stick.
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During the final third of the experience it was increasingly noticeable by looking at the cherry that the binder was unevenly distributed around the circumference of the filler which is extremely surprising considering this is a machine-made and construction issues should not be a problem.
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In the final moments of the stick the wrapper and binder started to pull away from the filler belying the idea that machine mades-offer superior construction. However, this didn't seem to take away from the overall flavor or experience which would normally be the case with a hand-rolled (or dipped).
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After nubbing the stick I found myself satisfied. While the flavors were NOT one-dimensional between the flavors of wheat, corn, and poultry... it was a one-trick pony with the same flavor profile throughout practically the whole stick.
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I would recommend only during the mid-point of your daily rotation or to change things up a little with your hand-mades during the "lunching hour".


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Happy April Fools', brothers!


Comments

  • bigharpoonbigharpoon Posts: 2,963 ✭✭✭
    It's a little early to be this drunk, isn't it? Nice review, though. I'm intrigued...
  • skweekzskweekz Posts: 2,279 ✭✭✭
    Greatest review ever
  • SaVasSaVas Posts: 250
    Now THAT was a great April Fools review!!!! EXCELLENT!!
  • danielzreyesdanielzreyes Posts: 8,771 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Hahahahahahahahaha! WTF????? Good stuff man..Lolol
    "It's plume, bro. Nothing to worry about. Got any Opus?" The suppose to be DZR
  • j0z3rj0z3r Posts: 9,403 ✭✭
    Nicely done Aaron.
  • The_KidThe_Kid Posts: 7,869 ✭✭✭
    Can We have the link to your blog???????
  • jj20030jj20030 Posts: 5,804 ✭✭✭✭✭
    review these on your next review,lolimage
  • DirewolfDirewolf Posts: 3,493
    jj20030:
    review these on your next review,lolimage
    Those are awesome
  • ToombesToombes Posts: 4,506 ✭✭✭
    It just so happens that I have a box of these at home. Anyone want to do a split with me? I'll let 'em go cheap!! This was freaking hilarious!!!
  • pbchevopbchevo Posts: 712
    good one
  • SporusSporus Posts: 236
    This is the best thing I have read in a long time.
  • Roberto99Roberto99 Posts: 1,077
    Corn dog porn...now my evening is complete.
  • rzamanrzaman Posts: 2,650 ✭✭✭
    Really funny...thanks.
  • ShotgunJohnShotgunJohn Posts: 1,545 ✭✭
    LMAO that was funny, thanks for the good laugh.
  • bbass2bbass2 Posts: 1,059 ✭✭
    Good stuff lol
  • BigT06BigT06 Posts: 3,899
    Absolutely **** brilliant.

    side note, I have a couple boxes of these at home, as I enjoy them, too. I have a master cab of the state fair ones. lol
  • boydmcgowanboydmcgowan Posts: 1,101
    F'ing hilarious.
  • Ken_LightKen_Light Posts: 3,537 ✭✭✭
    Man, I need a laugh tonight and this was just what the doctor ordered! Pun intended...
    ^Troll: DO NOT FEED.
  • As someone who is still used to seeing several Cigars per day I've never heard of, this caught me completely off-guard. Masterfully done.
  • bbass2bbass2 Posts: 1,059 ✭✭
    Rain's swisher review reminded me of this classic so Bump for the newer guys who missed it.
  • RainRain Posts: 8,958 ✭✭✭
    They had it right...best review ever.
  • Puff_DougiePuff_Dougie Posts: 4,599 ✭✭✭✭✭
    That was hilarious! But Randy's "strong note of hatred and despair" and "hint of financial irresponsibility" had me literally rolling on the floor.

    Kudos to both reviewers!
    "When I have found intense pain relieved, a weary brain soothed, and calm, refreshing sleep obtained by a cigar, I have felt grateful to God, and have blessed His name." - Charles Haddon Spurgeon
  • danielzreyesdanielzreyes Posts: 8,771 ✭✭✭✭✭
    bump for a few botls
    "It's plume, bro. Nothing to worry about. Got any Opus?" The suppose to be DZR
  • LeftFiveLeftFive Posts: 184 ✭✭
    This is the best thing I've ever seen.
    I missed this when it was posted, well bumped!
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