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You have to wonder about kids.
0patience
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*rant on.
I have a 19 year old and 22 year old. And both are at home. Why? I have no idea.
The 22 year old can't seem to keep a job and has no concept of being responsible. Everything I have ever gotten has been stolen or ruined by him. I bought a new dual sport bike years back and he took it for a joy ride and crashed it. It was a week old. I bought a 65 Chevy pickup to restore and he took it out in the back field and trashed it. He has stolen or lost half my tools in my shop. Understand, I am a mechanic. I make my living with tools, so it is a sizeable amount of tools.
I had bought my Harley brand new. It wasn't even fully put together when I purchased it. They managed to dent the back fender on it somehow. Of course, no one knows how it happened.
A couple weeks ago, I came home and my humidor was not quite right. I didn't catch it at first, but you know how you know something is "off"? Well, a nice cigar I was gifted disappeared. Pretty sure it was one of his useless friends. And since the kids seem to think my house is their's to do with as they please, people come and go at will.
My patience is well past being tolerable. As with just about everything else valuable in my house, I had to lock away all my humidors. When the one thing that is sacred to you in your home is violated, it takes you over the edge.
I don't understand the sense of entitlement that these kids have now days. And the total lack of respect they have for other people's things.
I feel better now. LOL!
*rant off
I have a 19 year old and 22 year old. And both are at home. Why? I have no idea.
The 22 year old can't seem to keep a job and has no concept of being responsible. Everything I have ever gotten has been stolen or ruined by him. I bought a new dual sport bike years back and he took it for a joy ride and crashed it. It was a week old. I bought a 65 Chevy pickup to restore and he took it out in the back field and trashed it. He has stolen or lost half my tools in my shop. Understand, I am a mechanic. I make my living with tools, so it is a sizeable amount of tools.
I had bought my Harley brand new. It wasn't even fully put together when I purchased it. They managed to dent the back fender on it somehow. Of course, no one knows how it happened.
A couple weeks ago, I came home and my humidor was not quite right. I didn't catch it at first, but you know how you know something is "off"? Well, a nice cigar I was gifted disappeared. Pretty sure it was one of his useless friends. And since the kids seem to think my house is their's to do with as they please, people come and go at will.
My patience is well past being tolerable. As with just about everything else valuable in my house, I had to lock away all my humidors. When the one thing that is sacred to you in your home is violated, it takes you over the edge.
I don't understand the sense of entitlement that these kids have now days. And the total lack of respect they have for other people's things.
I feel better now. LOL!
*rant off
In Fumo Pax
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
Wylaff said:
Atmospheric pressure and crap.
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That sucks, i never could understand that mentality... that being, people blame it all on the parents, its not. The schools, and environments outside the home have a Huge effect on "my" generation. I am your sons' age, and i didnt have it all to great growing up. Ill admit that I still live at home , (i have some issues, and i know i wouldn't be able to make it in the real world... tried it for 3 months and lost $3k but lesson learned) but i know that i have to keep a job (even if it is just mcdonalds, started mowing yards at 13 to make $$ to do stuff, i was lucky to have the drive to be able to do it) take care of my stuff (my jeep that i bought, tools, i even have a 72 k5 out back that needs a motor), and make good grades in college to be able to do so. I had several talks with my dad about the internship im doing down in orlando at Disney (will be my third one now) before i could accept it. I have seen so many of my friends and classmates screw up.
I have wanted to....okay i have punched a few of my peers in the last several years for their sheer stupidity. The one that got me the worse was a "friend" of mine whose dad got a brand new hummer h3 when they first came out, he decided that it wasn't fair and he wanted to drive it (had just gotten his license at the time and his dad had gotten him a restored early eighties chevy that was a show truck as a daily driver) he stole the h3 and took it offroad and it didnt even have 1000 miles on it. He broke it, and left it in the middle of nowhere on the mountain and rode back with one of the idiots he was with. After a week of the police searching they finally found the truck, luckily still intact, and got it towed to a shop. I dont know what all he did but they had to replace the transmission and rear drive shaft in the truck.
[/Rant, found out the other day the neighborhood kids got into my k5 and trashed the remainder of the interior...need to get that outta my system]
I have always associated with older people and, for the most part, dont get along with those my own age. I wish you the best in your dealings with the boy, and I hope for the best in your future.
Putting yourself through college is no small feat, for anyone.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
I was so "bad" and got kicked out of so many schools, that my parents couldn't even find a private school that would take me (Oak Mountain Academy actually refunded the $22k tuition my dad paid just to remove me)... and I really wasn't that bad, I just have a short temper and a strong arm, and that got me into some trouble... ANYWAYS, at the age of 14 I quit going to school and started home schooling. I finished high school in 3 months. Started working full time for a landscaping company (the owner of which is now my brother in law), and learned how to make it in the real world. At the age of 17 I bought a brand new 2002 Mustang GT, with my own money, and I bought my first house on April 18th, 2003 (one day after my 18th birthday). I now run a facility that is a juvenile center for at-risk youth, and am happily married to a gorgeous woman with 3 kids and a nice home.
Moral of my story is... I was a "bad" kid... but I wasn't lazy. And because my parents had instilled good morals and good qualities in me, and the fear of the Lord, I ultimately was able to get myself on track and become a healthy, productive member of society. The problem come when kids are either extremely lazy, or when parent get so frustrated they give up. Good parenting will come through for you in the end, so just keep fighting the battle. And take it from me, they will love you for it, more than you will ever know, in the end.
IMHO, I think you can fix "bad" attitudes/behaviors/etc. and get these kids on track, but I think it's much harder to fix "laziness."
* I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *
This is ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY 100% NOT a shot at anyone who has posted here.
When you live your entire life one way, thats the only way you know. When that way is to always be given, thats what you expect out of life.
I sometimes think that us, the generation before the generation we're discussing, may be in full or partially to blame, although it was inadvertent and actually sprang from the best of intentions. We (I at least) was raised that as a man nobody is responsible for you BUT YOU. I was also raised that once you start a family of your own, you work your a$$ off to provide them with the best of everything and provide them with every advantage in life you can to the best of your ability. I think that second part is where we might have screwed up.
I have two daughters, ages 12 & 14, and I spoiled them rotten from the second they were first placed in my arms. As the years went by, I noticed something odd - if they wanted something, they asked for it. If they didnt get it, they would ask again. If they still didnt get it, they would consider asking until they got it or just gave up and did without.
This was VERY disturbing to me, as this is NOT the way to succeed in the world. So I started challenging them. When they would ask for something, I would tell them "do it" or "get it" or "I'll show you how to do that, and we can do it together".
A funny thing happened as this went on. My youngest daughter rose to it, and became pretty self reliant. If she sees something she wants, she will do it herself (or try anyway) or work to get what she wants.
On the flip side of the coin, my eldest daughter wants nothing to do with any of that, and will instead whine until she gets what she wants or do the bare minimum possible and half-a$$ it when forced to do so.
I would say that my eldest is in for a rude awakening when she comes into "the real world", but as I look around I see more and more that in society today, her attitude is quickly becoming the societal norm. Bailouts, endless unemployment benefits that actually DISCOURAGE people from getting jobs and becoming self reliant, the list goes on and on. So maybe my eldest will be OK if she continues down this path.
The attitude of my youngest, however... when you see people like that in today's society, they tend to be the people you find SUCCEEDING and THRIVING, which is of course what I hope for in both my daughter's futures.
I read an interesting article the other day in which a newspaper reporter followed up on attendees of a recent job fair a year or so after it. There were SEVERAL instances of "I did find a job, but it was something I didnt want to do or the pay wasnt high enough, so Im currently unemployed." WTF IS THAT??? I was raised to understand that in this life, you're going to run into lots of situations in which there are things you dont WANT to do, but you do what you have to do to get where you want to be. The generation we speak of seems to have NO CONCEPT of this.
* RANT OFF *
I also liked what you said about your upbringing, and it was very much like mine. Want something? Work for it. Dont make enough money to get what you want from that? Get a better job, or even a second job. FIND A WAY TO GET IT DONE.
Today's generation? It seems like the norm is to make a cursory effort IF what you want isnt handed to you, and if that doesnt work, sit on your a$$ and do nothing until it IS handed to you. It really saddens me...
When I was 14, I wanted to work as a stockboy at a liquor store(friend of the family), but I couldn't work there because I wasn't old enough. (in california it had o be a family owned business to work at that age). So my dad talked to his friend and invested 1 dollar in the liquor store, thereby legally allowing me to work in the liquor store, because now it was (at least 1 dollars worth) a family owned business.
When I had my own son, I wanted him to have everything that I didn't, I wanted him to have all the newest video games, and the fancy bike, that I never had growing up. I coudn't quite figure out why he always gave up when he attempted a task, and why he didn't want to work at all for anything. If it involved him getting up and having to work, he would just rather go without. I kept wondering why he never had any drive, or felt any desire to earn anything for himself. It really bothered me. I have worked every day of my life to better myself, and to earn a good life for my family. Why didn't he have this ame work ethic?
I finally realized what my dad had done for me in my childhood. He always provided me with the ability to get whatever I wanted, but never gave it to me. From the youngest age I always had to do things for myself, and figure out a way to get it for myself. He went to extremes in some cases to figure out a way to help me( going through all the legalities of buying a dollar share in the liquor store), but he never gave me anything. After a lot of reflection I finally figured out that if I wanted my son to have any drive or determination that I had to start turning his mentality around. I had to let him realize for himself what a joy it is to earn your own things, To get the sense of pride most of us have when we get our own car, boat, house, nice things for our families, fancy humidors.
So I started small, really small. Instead of giving him money or whatever new gizmo he wanted, I started telling him that he would have to take out the trash, mow the yard, dust the blinds....etc. The reward was big at first. Mow the yard, get the new video game. It provided him with a sense of work instant reward. Then slowly over the years, we have gotten to the place of an allowance. He has chores that he has to do for free(clean his room, help out around the house) and for extra things he does, take his little brother and sister to the park so my wife can have some sanity time ( I travel for work a lot) mow the yard correctly (with a proper edge and glass clippings picked up). I'm trying to instill the sense of helping family in him (he has some things he has to do and gets nothing for) and also the sense of pride in earning things for yourself.
Now to get the new video game it takes him sometimes a month of chores. I don't want him having unrealistic expectations when it comes to work/reward so it takes a while to earn large amounts of money.
This summer he has been going around to the neighbors and asking them if he can mow their yard for money. I can't tell you how proud that I am of him, how far he has come, and how he understands the value of work. It's really a huge thing for me. I see the youth of today with the instant gratification that they expect. They want to start at 100 grand a year just for going to college. They think it's unfair that they don't get what they want, and they truly do not even comprehend in the slightest that they have to work for anything. I blame the kids somewhat,but I mostly feel that it's what they were trained to expect. We as parents trained them to expect unrealistic things. We taught them to take the easy way out, and that we would give them things just because they were wonderful to us. We give them all trophies when they play soccer, just for playing, not for truly earning them. we have created this monster as parents. We give them all the new video games, and society has gotten to a point where what our children have (video games, cars, colleges) are a way for us as parents to show off. We don't set a value in society on what our children earn for themselves, we set a value on what they have (and in most cases the parents give it to them as a way to brag to their friends)
It's a status symbol that we pay 80grand a year to sen our kid to Stanford. And then we wonder why our kids who have been used as pawns for our bragging rights dont understand why they don't get freebies anymore. They don't understand that now they don't get a trophy just for joining a team, they don't understand that now to get a trophy they truly have to earn it. I blame us as parents.
I truly don't mean to offend anyone on this forum, everyone has their own ideas and beliefs, this is just my opinion. I just thank my dad every day as I go to work, that he instilled in me the values that he did.
When it comes time to cash in my chips and meet my Maker, I'll be ready to go. Mainly because I don't think I could tolerate having to deal with yet another generation or two of spoiled, petty whiners who seem to be on the increase. I have great-grandkids, so I've seen a few generations. And each generation, it seems, says,"I'm not going to be as hard on my kids as my parents were on me". You can see what the result of that is.... just check the theme of this thread.
One example comes immediately to mind..... not long ago I happened to be driving by a nearby middle school just as it was letting out for the day. I was held behind a school bus while it finished loading and I followed it when it pulled away. Guess where its first stop was. THREE FVCKING BLOCKS FROM SCHOOL!! These were not handicapped kids - just regular kids but it was parents or people the age of parents who decided these kids shouldn't have to walk.
I'd better stop. Not only am I getting myself all fired up but I think I'm past the point of succinctness. Anyway, you get the point.
My parents raised me in what can best be described as hyper-reality.
I was rewarded lavishly when I did well and punished brutally when I messed up.
The punishment only begins to make sense once you're an adult.
One day in the Air Force, my guys & I were sitting around and discussing parenting. When one of the guys mentioned his kid was going thru a hitting phase, one of my young Staff Sergeants volunteered "When my daughter hits me (referencing his 2 yr old daughter), I knock her a$$hole over teakettle."
We all looked at him horrified! Then he explained...
I want my daughter to understand that in this world, if you're gonna hit somebody, you had better EXPECT to get hit back."
Tough love maybe, but when you look at it from that point of view... it actually made a good bit of sense.
Another valid point raised - the "it takes a village..." concept. When I was in high school, teachers ALL had their own individual wooden paddles and would wear your azz OUT if you got out of line. It was a school tradition that seniors would make new paddles for their favorite teachers right before leaving school - holes drilled in them for aerodynamics, ridges to increase the whallop, all kinds of crazy ****.
School THEN: fvck up, and you're gonna feel the consequences of your actions.
School NOW: fvck up, and you will either be removed from class or given a time out - thereby giving you the heinous punishment of removing you from an activity you obviously dont want to be a part of in the first place. How cruel. :-(
Today, the drop out rate in our town is 24%. Seriously?? And the school blames the kids, parents and society. I have to believe that the school system has to play some part in it.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
Oh, the school system definitely plays a part. Our son once asked one of his daughter's teachers why she didn't correct his daughter's spelling and the teacher told him she didn't want to hurt the child's self esteem. She said, "Well, we knew what your daughter meant". It's no damned wonder newspaper reporters can't spell or even compose a correct sentence and why talking heads on the news broadcast keep using phrases such as "as of yet..". Yes, the school system definitely shares in the blame......
Yeah, I guess I'm on my soapbox, aren't I??
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
As the father of two young children, one bit of advice I will give any parent-to-be is to READ to your child. And by read I mean read BOOKS. We have read to our kids since day one. It might feel a little odd reading to a one month old that doesn't know a book from shinola, but I think it is very beneficial and gives them a head start once they start going to school. My kids are getting to the age that they like computer games, various kids TV shows/movies etc. But they still are read to daily and my 3 and 6 year olds can read better than most in their classes. The jury is still out on how they will turn out, but I think (IMO of course) that they are starting off on a pretty good foundation.