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Funny Jokes?
0patience
Posts: 10,665 ✭✭✭✭✭
After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc.
Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue he was still talking loudly , when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:
"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"
My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc.
Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue he was still talking loudly , when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:
"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"
My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
In Fumo Pax
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
Wylaff said:
Atmospheric pressure and crap.
0
Comments
That would be A fair assumption.
Resurrecting the Joke Thread
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
Now that's funny.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
A blonde woman police officer pulls over a blonde woman speeding on the highway. The officer asks the woman for her license and in response receives a puzzled stare. The officer explains, "It's the thing in your purse with you face on it." A flash of recognition flashes across the blondes face and she reaches into her purse and pulls out her makeup compact with a mirror in it, and hands it to the blonde officer. The officer takes the compact and says, "Oh! You're an officer too? I had no idea, you're free to go!"
I'm probably better at posting links.
That stinks!!!!!!!!!!
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didnt know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like Ive never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played Amazing Grace, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, I never seen nothin like that before and Ive been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.
Apparently, Im still lost
Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates and says, "I have a husband for your daughter." Bill Gates answers, "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Luigi says, "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank." Bill Gates answers, "Ah, in that case, okay."
Finally, Luigi goes to see the president of the World Bank. Luigi says, "I have a young man to recommend as a vice-president." The president answers, "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!" Luigi says, "But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law." The president answers, "Ah, in that case, okay."
And that, my friends, is how Italians do business!
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."
"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her for the night."
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an 85 year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."
Pregnant!
"Something is terribly wrong; I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my ****."
The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off your bananas."
:-)
...oh
Because some newbie started a new joke thread.