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A New College Course...
jlmarta
Posts: 7,881 ✭✭✭✭✭
I'm beginning to think (belatedly so, I'm sure) that colleges ought to offer a course in advanced female psychology. Is there such a thing? I'll explain:
Most of you know that my child bride and I have been married since at least the beginning of the first millennium and only recently have I begun to think that I've figured out how to deal with her.
For example, when I first began to smoke an occasional cigar, she was not at all happy with the notion. So I said, "Well, I don't plan to smoke them continuously, only maybe one every three days or so". After a period of time had passed I increased it to every other day. And she accepted that, albeit grudgingly. Later still, I suggested one per day. No problem. Now we're at a point where I can get away with two per day, maybe once or twice a week.
Maybe I should come out of retirement and offer to teach this course, ya s'pose?
I sure love this little gal. She just wants to keep ol' Orso Polara happy. Ain't love grand???
Most of you know that my child bride and I have been married since at least the beginning of the first millennium and only recently have I begun to think that I've figured out how to deal with her.
For example, when I first began to smoke an occasional cigar, she was not at all happy with the notion. So I said, "Well, I don't plan to smoke them continuously, only maybe one every three days or so". After a period of time had passed I increased it to every other day. And she accepted that, albeit grudgingly. Later still, I suggested one per day. No problem. Now we're at a point where I can get away with two per day, maybe once or twice a week.
Maybe I should come out of retirement and offer to teach this course, ya s'pose?
I sure love this little gal. She just wants to keep ol' Orso Polara happy. Ain't love grand???
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When I first meet a girl, there comes a time when I will light up a cigar. If she says anything, I say "Oh, I smoke cigars, sometimes a few in a day, sometimes none for weeks." It is to be made clear that this is only information, not a question, and not an invite to share an opinion. If said girl doesn't like it, she is to be shown where the door is.
"If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed. If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." -- Mark Twain
Men's thinking is linear. You start from a, go to b, hence to c, etc. So if you have to be there at six, it's four now, you need five minutes to pull on your pants and step in your shoes, five minutes to find your keys, half hour to get there, so you have to get ready at five fifteen.
Women's thinking is spherical. She's in the center, all things are equidistant. There is no way from a to b to c ... only directly from her to a from her to c. She will be ready when she's ready and what the hell are you so wrapped up about. This is why if I had five minutes for every hour I've had to wait for a woman to get ready I could live forever.
Spherical thinking has its disadvantages. If the car breaks down by the side of the road, the only thing she can do is reach for the phone and cry into it. You come, lift the hood, and figure it out step by step. This is why we call it history, and not herstory.
Linear thinking has disadvantages: You start with you gotta get the saber tooth out of the cave so Ooka and the tyke she blames on you have a place to sleep. A couple million perfectly logical linear steps later you have Mutually Assured Destruction and SAC bombers circling the globe 24/7. She would never do this because it might hurt someone. This is why we call it history, and not herstory.
If you think about them in terms of linear and spherical, you have a leg up on why they "think" the way they do. They are containers. They live through others. We are penetrators. We shove through others. Men are full of themselves. Our problem is ego. Toughest thing is putting up with our self confidence. Women are empty of themselves. Their problem is vanity. Toughest thing is nurturing their fragile self-confidence. On it goes. Lines and spheres.
Just like our privy parts.
Second thought - women are ALL crazy. Its simply a matter of finding out what LEVEL of crazy you're comfortable dealing with, and living with it.
In response to your first thought - You're right. One tends to grow out of the idiocy called liberalism as one grows older and matures. And I'm only half-joking when I say that. Also, I just noticed that I may have stumbled onto something with that statement. If I recall, 'idiocy' is derived from Freud's "Id", which is basically all about the "me". And, as I see it, liberalism is also all about the "me". Hmmm. I may ponder on that for a while with a good smoke.
As for your second thought, determining one's comfort level of "crazy" is necessary, I agree, but learning to manipulate that level of "crazy" is mastery, as I see it.
WOW! I had no idea I was such an astute observer of life. :-p. I may have impressed myself. Guess I'll go ponder this, too, with that aforementioned smoke. LOL. Have a great day, Y'All........