Cigar Jokes

dsayles

Just for fun..... Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he did not have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster?" "I got it from my genie." "You have a genie?" he asked. "Yes, he is right here in my golf bag." "Could I see him?" He opened his golf bag and out popped the genie. The friend turned to the genie and said, "I am a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?" "Yes I will," the genie said. "I wish for a million bucks!" The genie hopped back into the golf bag and left him standing there waiting for his wish to be delivered. Suddenly the sky began to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead was heard. The friend turned to his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!" "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"

dsayles

A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your ***. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar." "Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..."

dsayles

Ok one more for now.... A frustrated wife decided her sex life needed spicing up. After work she went shopping and picked up a pair of crotchless panties. She went home and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work, lit his favorite cigar and sat across from him as they had a drink. She slowly spread her legs… "Honey would you like some of this?" "Hell no, look what it's done to your underwear!"