Home Non Cigar Related
Options

Prosecutor seeks death penalty against Punxsutawney Phil for misleading American people

xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,402
Full story here:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/03/22/ohio-prosecutor-reportedly-seeking-death-penalty-for-punxsutawney-phil/
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/capital-weather-gang/wp/2013/03/21/ohio-prosecutor-seeks-death-penalty-for-punxsutawney-phil-after-bad-forecast/
http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/nationnow/la-na-nn-death-penalty-punxsutawney-phil-20130322,0,7467436.story
http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2013/03/22/punxsutawney_phil_death_penalty_ohio_county_prosecutor_mike_gmoser_issues.html
http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/03/22/17418713-prosecutor-sees-punxsutawney-phil-pushing-daisies-for-forecast-fraud?lite
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/03/cold-prosecutor-indicts-punxsutawney-phil-for-fraud/

Has Punxsutawney Phil given his last forecast?

A prosecutor in Ohio is reportedly seeking the death penalty for the famous rodent who emerged from his home in Gobbler’s Knob, Pa., on Feb. 2 and did not see his shadow, translating to an “early spring,” according to his handlers. But Michael Gmoser, prosecuting attorney in Butler County, said Thursday that Phil's inaccurate forecast warrants capital punishment, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reports.

“Let's face it, Punxsutawney Phil has let us down,” Gmoser said, tongue firmly in cheek, after filing the necessary court documents. “I awoke this morning to a snowstorm, low temperatures and howling wind.” “When he betrays us like this, something has to be done,” Gmoser said. Gmoser expects Phil to appeal.

Spring began Wednesday, but local forecasts in the Pittsburgh area and throughout Pennsylvania show a good chance of snow this weekend and into next week.

“We in Butler County, like everyone in the nation, depend on Phil to give us a breath of spring in time,” Gmoser said. “You know, Phil lives his life behind bars as it is. This is the only penalty available. Maybe it's time for a Phyllis instead.”

But Jeffrey Lundy, vice president of the Punxsutawney Ground Hog Club, said Gmoser will have a fight on his hands if he tries to arrest the famous groundhog.

“He's going to have to go through 15 licensed hunters to get to Phil,” said Lundy, referring to members of the club's inner circle.“We'll find out how good of a prosecutor [Gmoser] is. If he doesn't know how to speak groundhog-ese, he'll never understand a word Phil says.” Gmoser said a reprieve is possible.

“There may be some mitigating circumstances I may not know about,” he continued. “Phil may not know his rear from a hole in the ground. That might make a difference,” said Gmoser, who decided to file the court papers to break the tension at the end of a hard day in the office.

Lundy added: “There's a lot of things to get serious about. Groundhog Day is not one of them.” The famous groundhog narrowly escaped death in the 1993 film "Groundhog Day," in which star Bill Murray, sentenced to relive the same day over and over until he became a better person, kidnapped Phil and drove off a cliff into a rock quarry with the terrified critter on his lap. However, the next day, Murray's character, Phil Connors, awoke unscathed - as did Punxsutawney Phil.


While his lawyer continues to stress Phil's innocence and seeks to avoid the death penalty, he's having trouble explaining this compromising picture taken just a little while ago. Punxsutawney Phil couldn't be reached for comment.

image

Comments

  • Options
    jgibvjgibv Posts: 9,244 ✭✭✭✭✭
    WTF ....

    This isn't an article from the Onion?????


    Damn it Butler County, get your $hit together ..... are you kidding me !*&%$%!!!!

    * I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *

  • Options
    xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,402
    The Onion inaccurately reported the Groundhog had been beheaded (http://www.theonion.com/articles/punxsutawney-phil-beheaded-for-inaccurate-predicti,31712/), when in reality, he'd just been indicted for wilfully and maliciously misleading the American people
  • Options
    webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Phil put the Punk in Punksatawney.

    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • Options
    jgibvjgibv Posts: 9,244 ✭✭✭✭✭
    xmacro:
    when in reality, he'd just been indicted for wilfully and maliciously misleading the American people
    image

    * I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *

  • Options
    HeavyHeavy Posts: 1,591 ✭✭✭
    Perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this:

    image
  • Options
    xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,402
    That rodent needs to pay

    image
  • Options
    beatnicbeatnic Posts: 4,133
    Fire his ass. No benefits.
  • Options
    scarlinscarlin Posts: 1,592
    Haven't people heard of 2nd winter? You know, the winter before construction season? People need to learn their seasons!
  • Options
    RhamlinRhamlin Posts: 8,970 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I think it's time for some groundhog stew!
  • Options
    y2pascoey2pascoe Posts: 1,727 ✭✭
    Rhamlin:
    I think it's time for some groundhog stew!
    That gerbil's gotta pay!
  • Options
    phobicsquirrelphobicsquirrel Posts: 7,347 ✭✭✭
    lol. I don't know what is more pathetic, people actually believe in this or that they want to kill a animal due to it?
  • Options
    jgibvjgibv Posts: 9,244 ✭✭✭✭✭
    phobicsquirrel:
    lol. I don't know what is more pathetic, people actually believe in this or that they want to kill a animal due to it?
    The answer is C:
    All the above

    * I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *

  • Options
    xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,402
    image
  • Options
    jgibvjgibv Posts: 9,244 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @ xmarco....

    Yes I got that phobic was joking ... but was your original article a joke?
    OR is this story for real ??? I'M SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW!!!

    * I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *

  • Options
    xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,402
    It's real, a prosecutor really filed the documents, but like the article says, it was done on a slow day and with tongue in cheek.

    EDIT: And I'm not sure if the squirrel is joking or not; hard to tell with him. You think he's giving you a dirty look when in actuality he's just chewing on an acorn; you think he's foraging for nuts, and he's actually flipping you off. Crafty little bugger.

Sign In or Register to comment.