Contest Time -- Winner is Stsepas
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[Deleted User]
Posts: 3,917 ✭
Requirements
You must be on the Good Traders List and have a minimum of 100 posts.
Contest
What is your funniest moment in life?
One post per person and pick a number between 1-100. I will use an online random number generator to decide the winner. Whoever gets closest wins (you can go over).
Rain 33
Curtpick 50
Glock1975 99
Vision 2
Deej 43
Brianetz1 77
Webmost 25
Stsepas 66
The Shizznit 52
Thanks for the entries so far. Let me know if I missed your entry.
GO!!!
You must be on the Good Traders List and have a minimum of 100 posts.
Contest
What is your funniest moment in life?
One post per person and pick a number between 1-100. I will use an online random number generator to decide the winner. Whoever gets closest wins (you can go over).
Rain 33
Curtpick 50
Glock1975 99
Vision 2
Deej 43
Brianetz1 77
Webmost 25
Stsepas 66
The Shizznit 52
Thanks for the entries so far. Let me know if I missed your entry.
GO!!!
0
Comments
Sexy little vixen, black hair, hard bodied, cute as a bug on a rug ( tells my age eh ! ).
I try and try to get her to go on a date to no avail.
So I figure I know her Aunt and were good friends !
So Aunty tells the girl and wa la ! We have a date !
I go home, get all primped up in my best hand me down ( po boy ya know), Grab the keys to my 1969 Ford Country Squire Woody Station Wagon with holes in the floor board and I'm on my way to pick her up !
Meet her at the door and immediately she ask "is that what we are driving?"
I being the stud I am, look at her and gallantly say "Its a classic girl!"(deep down I just *** my britches and am wondering if I stained myself).
SO here we are driving to the movie and the right wheel begins to wobble furiously due to being unbalanced(my ass...... you could see the cloth under the treads)
She ask "Can anyone see that ?"
Why of course not ,I say ! ( knowing damn well everyone on main street is looking at the heep vibrating down the road)
Now in the movie ,determined, I make my "move" by putting my arm over her shoulder for a hug.
No, uh uh, no way, she immediately grabbed my arm and removed it from her shoulder.
Enter the depend underwear because now I have probably pissed myself.
Never say die I take her to Dinner. And everything seems to be going a little better now.
So again, being the absolute dumbass I am , I attempt the first kiss !
When out of nowhere comes the biggest ,baddest,most obvious nose bubble ever seen on the face of gods green earth !
This hummer was bigger than my head !
Needless to say we drive home, before the car stops in the drive she jumps out and runs inside.
So , I seeing all was lost, yelled at her, "What no kiss goodnight ! !!!
Number 50
I guess I will pick number 2 LOL
in middle school we had to do the rope climb, I normally could fly up the rope but I was sick this day. I got about half way and was stuck but not wanting to give up and pulled and pulled...well it was middle school years and all the pulling and everything made my body do funny stuff.... needless to say I didnt want to come down once I reached the top cause I had a raging hard on....was not funny then but I laugh about it now, best thing I got a girlfriend the next day... funny she was in that gym class
43
I was laying on the couch shirtless and he fell asleep on my chest. I then fall asleep. I wake up to my wife laughing her ass off while taking a picture. I notice that my son has woken up and decided that my *** were plenty big to nurse on and was trying to get some milk out of my nipples. Luckily i wasn't lactating. My wife decided to get the picture developed and showed it to her family (who likes to bust each other's balls with the best of them) and it still gets brought up 16 years later.
I will take number 77. 7 was my basketball number and i used 77 as a football player throughout high school.
However, when I recently revived a mudersickle thread, it reminded me of this story, which needs to be told:
How Bearswatter Got Her Name
For many years, I referred to Cynthia as RedHead; first, because The One Who Must Be Obeyed (TOWMBO) was already taken, and also because every time I referred to her as My Old Lady she would smack me across the snout. Then for years after she got her knee replacement, I nicknamed her the Bionic Freckle. All that changed mid-July two years ago when the BMW MOA held their annual national rally in Bloomsburg PA.
Hot? It was hotter than Papa Bear's porridge and twice as thick. Hotter than a four balled tomcat. It was so hot I saw two trees fighting over a dog. That's how hot it was.
We didn't go to Bloomsburg. We hired a suite in a B&B an hour and a half up the mountains the other side of Bloomsburg. It lay beneath towering trees, alongside a stream, at the foot of a sunny hill, where a vineyard owned by a Cuban Jew bottled Catawbas and Niagaras. They had no A/C at the B&B, because they'd never needed it. In fact, all round the area you could hardly find a restaurant with air conditioning. There was one bar in a nearby hamlet across a covered bridge where dog beat beemerphiles rode in, shed their armored jackets, and sat there pouring bottled water into their scarlet faces. That was it. We rode halfway down the mountain one day intending to hit the Rally, took one look at the solid pall of steam choking the valley, turned tail and fled back up the mountain.
So what we did instead, we spent our days wandering aimlessly through the forests aboard Annie our big BMW R1200CLC bagger, just to air the armpits a little. One day, we were just putt putting along like this, hour after hour, the Bionic Freckle chattering happily in one ear and out the other, me clad in shorts, sandals, and T-shirt; her on pillion wearing shorts, sneakers, blouse and helmet, when a bull bear came barrelling out of a hedgrow. Head down, tail up, nose straight ahead, paws stretching out front then gathering under the belly, the way an animal will do when on an urgent single minded errand. We were going to collide.
Time slowed the way it does when every second counts. I weighed my options. Now these BMW bikes have integrated power assisted ABS brakes which will stop you on a dime and hand you eight and a half cents change. But I calculated the chances were good that if I clamped down I'd whack the bear mid-ribs, and we'd all go rolling in a pile on asphalt with an angry bear underneath and a hot motorcycle on top. Option two was to let him run into the front wheel with the same result. No time for him to get his head up. So I pulled back the throttle and prayed for option three, back wheel, whereby we'd be on the ground, with the bike behind us, and the bear behind that. As it turned out, there wasn't much time to accelerate, so Papa Bear just planted his snout dead amidships, right behind my right leg and in front of her right knee, right where the rear shock lives. WHUMP! Scootched the whole shooting match side-a-ways. Brought us from about forty to near a dead stop. I fought to stay upright. Won that fight. But we still had a shaggy head planted in the bike's guts, and a big shaggy body commencing to drag along. Now is when all these years of practice swatting me across the snout finally paid off, cause now is when my old lady reached down quick as thought and swatted that bear across the snout. That dislodged him. We fishtailed away. In the rear view I observed him gather himself together and leap off into the woods.
We dismounted. Her leg was not broken. Both of us had bear slobber up and down our legs, and there was bear slobber splattered from front fairing to rear trunk, and I had blood on my shorts, so I could see that we knocked the snot out of him and bloodied his nose. I was inclined to walk back there and make sure he was OK. But TOWMBO and two ladies hoeing garden nearby ran out and dragged me back. But I was all keyed up. Dunno that I have ever been more keyed up other than the time I was single-handing through a typhoon and had to crawl out the bowsprit to save the rig.
It wasn't a safe patch of road to park on, so we mounted up and rode away. Not a quarter mile down the road, the old lady pipes up: "Well. We can scratch that off our bucket list."
"Woman!" I expostulated, "You have entirely way too much time on your hands! My list is like, maybe Yellowstone, Rushmore. You have it all worked out as far as 'Hit a bear on a motorcycle and live.' Jesus Christ!" Changed the whole mood. Maybe you had to be there, but that was the funniest thing I ever heard her say.
And that's how she got the name Bearswatter.
Now here's where the story turns from incredible to yeah sure. But every word is true. There was a winery just down the road, where we stopped cause it seemed like a good time to celebrate. Borrowed a maul and a chunk of two by four to beat the crash bar back round where Papa Bear had bent it so we could get the pannier lid open. Picked a patch of bear hair out of the emblem where it got stuck and saved it to show later. (That bear hair lives in her curio (aka crappe racque) to this day. Didn't much like their wine. There was a steak house slash bar on the main road which was dark and cooler. Stopped there to eat and drink and be glad to be alive. Told our story. At dusk, we headed back toward the B&B. Half mile up the road, here comes a big buck trotting out of the woods on the right. Stretches his neck up, takes a long look at us, as though to say: "Holy Crap! There's em two idjuts Papa Bear was jabbering about!", turns round and leaps into the woods. Not half a mile farther, out scrambled a turkey. Stretched his neck up and took a long look at us as though to say: "Stuffing and Gravy! There's the ursacidal maniacs tried to murder Papa Bear!" Turned tail and gobbled off into the woods. We almost hit for the cycle that day.
The Speckled Bearswatter is a dainty bird with a delicate temperament and a giggling song.
Anyone guess twenty five yet?
Why thank you!
Mine started out I'd been going thru the drive thru at dunkin donuts twice a day sometimes for coffee and here was this hot redhead hat would always work the drive thru. Needless to say I have a thing for redheads. I'd been slowly trying to get her to talk to me, and it came to the point I wanted to ask her out but didn't think I had a chance. Well I worked at a car dealership across the street and figured if I drove thru in a nice car and we had plenty of hem maybe I'd get her attention enough to ask her out. Looking around I found what would make the biggest impact so I fired it up. Let it warm up a little bit. Now mind you what I was driving only went about 6mph and wasn't street legal! So you wonder what it was? I rode a John dear riding law mower out down the street to the lights them drove around the building to the drive thru with my bus card that had m cell # on it.
We went out on our first date that night 6 years later we got married. Now we've been married 12 yrs and have two beautiful children together. But driving up was f-ing hilarious. If #66 isn't chosen I pick # 66
thanks for the concert
Number:52 Thanks James
Hmmmmm lets see..... should I ????
I choose #70.