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a humdrum dromedary

webmostwebmost Dull-AwarePosts: 6,067 ✭✭✭✭✭
I never smoked Camels. Back when I was a bachelor, when I dropped into a bar because it’s no fun to watch Monday Night Football alone, I would buy a pack of cigarettes from the machine by the door, because the best way to tolerate the bar smoke was to join in. I might smoke a half pack of full flavored Pall Malls or of some toasted corn tasting Lucky Strikes, or, back when they still made them, those bright flavored Chesterfields, during a football game, then toss the rest on my way out. Never pulled the knob on filters, because as a life long motorcyclist I always found the snow drifts of filters at every stop light offensive. You probably never noticed that sitting in a cage. But, I don't know, I just could never pull the knob on those Turkish and Burley Camels. Nothing that wrong with them; but nothing right either.

Now, the animal camel, Twain told us, is a horse designed by a committee. And the same holds true for the forum blend, doesn’t it? That is why I never felt the urge to plunk my all too scanty green fun tickets for a forum blend. But then a good BOTL here gifted me one, and he asked me to review it.

This stick waited a long time in my humidor, cause I abruptly got out of the review business. Soon as my contract came to term, planned obsolescence kicked in and my cell phone promtly went teats up. Had to format the stinker. Lost all my notes on everything I’d burnt. Discouraged. Finally gave up and bought a new phione last week. So I sparked this stick up. But forgot to take a pic.

Got to say, the appearance was not at all impressive. I didn't mind the veins so much, as I am a fan of several cheap cigars with conny wrapper as veiny as this. But this wrapper had a powdery brownwash on it, as though it had been painted with brown tobacco paint to disguise a mottled wrapper. That brownwash left a parchment feel to it which my tongue objected to. Neat double cap. Fine barn odor. Zingy flavor. Firm throughout. Six inches long; about 54 gauge, according to my ring gauge app.

Uncapped easily enough. Had a super free draw, with a peppery finish unlit.

Lit easily enough toasting the foot with one match. But, uck, sour mulch. What a way to start!

So I let her rest up. A few minutes rest mellowed it out. Now I tasted mulch and leather, with a hint of pepper. There was ample volume, good burn, nice draw, and a pleasant woody retro.

But here’s the thing:
This cigar was trying to do too many things all at once. Instead of doing one thing well at a time, it delivered a muddy experience.. Like a pot a feu, or perpetual stew -- a kettle kept always hanging over the hearth, and every squirrel or lizard anyone snagged, or every turnip anyone dug up, all edibles went into that slumgullion day by day. If you’re hungry, you dip some out Time to time, the cook adds water and fishes out the bone pile. That’s the impression I got. Too many flavors which might have been just fine a few at a time, but not when crowded together. The finish, tho not strong, is unpleasant -- muddy and tastes like the brownwash. Not bad enough to put out; but not good enough to crave another. Then there’s this: Something metallic continues to annoy you all the way along. No idea where this tang comes from.

Halfway thru, I tore open a bag of corn nuts and uncorked a Modelo Especial. That sure improved the experience. She began to taste like the old cigar factory smells, like a century and a half of tobacco aroma soaked into the walls. I was tripping out on the nic kick. Real nice. Soon as I ran out of corn nuts, she swiftly turned slumgullion again.

Morning mouth was very nice. No wheeze.

It’s okay, I suppose. But I would nto walk a mile for it.

“It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


Comments

  • Ken_LightKen_Light Posts: 3,539 ✭✭✭
    Only you could make a humdrum review sound interesting, Davis! Glad to see you back in the saddle. Worth the price of my green fun tickets, that's for sure!
    ^Troll: DO NOT FEED.
  • jgibvjgibv John G.Posts: 9,263 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Love the review, Davis. Very entertaining, I always enjoy reading them.
    Please keep them coming.

    * I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *

  • SasquatchSasquatch Posts: 284 ✭✭✭
    Liked the review.
  • RainRain Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭
    jgibv:
    Love the review, Davis. Very entertaining, I always enjoy reading them.
    Please keep them coming.
    +1. Keep it up! I suppose if I want you to do them, I'm obliged to send you some product. Working on that now.
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