time to let them go

brianetz1

My grandmother died today......she was 96 and lived a long good life...except for the last 6 months which were horrible for her.

Strangely I don't feel a ton of grief......i feel more relief. I also feel a little strange that i am not really broke up about it. I know she was not happy with the way her life has been the past 6 months and I almost feel happy for her that she doesn't have to deal with it anymore.

anyone else have that happen with a grandparent or loved one? I'm not sure if i am strange or this might be kinda normal.

roland_7707

Praying for you and your family brother. I know thats hard.
I was like you, feeling more relief than anything. For me it happens when Iv already said my goodbys before they pass.
But when its kinda all of a sudden, the grief hits home. Im sorry to hear about your loss.

Marker

Paternal grandfather was a great man. He had alzheimers after age 85 and it really hurt the family to see it. Before that he was pretty sharp and a great pool player with the grandkids. After the onset he could no longer function well enough to carry on the conversations and card games we all enjoyed with him. I was glad when he died. No one needs to go through that kind of life after working so hard and so long in life to be a great father and grandfather. Relief is a good word for it.

Martel

brianetz1:

My grandmother died today......she was 96 and lived a long good life...except for the last 6 months which were horrible for her.

Strangely I don't feel a ton of grief......i feel more relief. I also feel a little strange that i am not really broke up about it. I know she was not happy with the way her life has been the past 6 months and I almost feel happy for her that she doesn't have to deal with it anymore.

anyone else have that happen with a grandparent or loved one? I'm not sure if i am strange or this might be kinda normal.

It is. There is a certain amount of anticipatory grief that can happen in those situations that make the grieving process after death easier.

I'm glad her suffering is over, too, but, you can still expect to grieve even having anticipated this. You have my sympathies and prayers.

Bamablows

Sorry for your loss man. Idk what I would do without my grandmother

Bob_Luken

Sorry for your loss. And I understand your feelings. Sometimes death is a welcomed event when your loved one is suffering. Saying a prayer for you.

blutattoo

I felt the same way after both my grandparents passed. Seeing them suffer was terribly difficult for my mom especially. Strangely, or strange to me, but they were unafraid of death and they seemed to be ready to go. Grief isn't always immediate sometimes it hits you down the road, but being relieved is something that I felt right after they passed. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

Puff_Dougie

Relief over the end of a loved one's suffering is a very loving response. Seems strange, but it makes sense. Will keep you and the rest of your family in prayer. Memories will jump to mind at unpredictable times, and relief will mix with sadness.

Blessings,
Puff_Dougie

Echambers

brianetz1:

My grandmother died today......she was 96 and lived a long good life...except for the last 6 months which were horrible for her.

Strangely I don't feel a ton of grief......i feel more relief. I also feel a little strange that i am not really broke up about it. I know she was not happy with the way her life has been the past 6 months and I almost feel happy for her that she doesn't have to deal with it anymore.

anyone else have that happen with a grandparent or loved one? I'm not sure if i am strange or this might be kinda normal.

Praying for you and your family. My grandmother, who raised me as a adolescent and in so many ways saved my life, died the day after my 40th birthday after months of getting worse and finally having a stroke. There was a lot of relief when she died (she was 89) because everyone knew she was suffering. I think what you feel is pretty normal in my book.

Ken_Light

Man, I gotta say I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm happy as hell for your blessing here, 96 years is amazing and clearly you spent a lot of time with a wonderful person. And that she finally ended her struggle is even more reason to celebrate both a life and and end to something she shouldn't have had to endure. Take some time to celebrate her and reflect on what I'm sure are amazing memories. Here's hoping you do as well as she did!!!!

brianetz1

thanks for all the kind words. It makes me feel a little better that others kind of understood what i meant.

No_one21

Wish I had seen this last night, had no idea what you all were referencing really. I totally understand your feelings you described. Like others, I'm sorry for your loss, but at 96 and with what you said it seems relief is an understandable response.

I actually do have an issue feeling sad after death. I don't know what it is but grandparents, great grandparents, and even friends have died and I've not shed a tear. My cat died back in August and I've never felt worse. I think you just need to deal with your reaction in your own way.

LiquidChaos66

Sorry to hear about your loss! prayers and good vibes heading to you and your family. I am glad to hear that she was released from her prior state though. It's hard to lose someone but when their life was hard or painful it's a blessing in disguise. Hang in there my friend.

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry for your loss. May she rest in peace.

Tyland64

Mr. B sorry for your loss. We went through a similar situation with the wife's grandmother. She was 93 and struggled in her final moths. I think most of the family felt relief , as her pain was over.

perkinke

Felt that way twice. Once with a woman who was like a grandmother to me, she was suffering from colon cancer and when she finally passed while I was sad for us it was a relief for her to be done with the pain.

The second was a buddy from high school, struggled with addictions and mental illness from the time we were 12. It killed him to know the pain he caused us and strangers he victimized, but for whatever reason he couldn't kick his addictions or find the right treatment.

I am sorry for your loss, but it sounds like you have a healthy feeling about it.

brianetz1

thanks for all the kind words. Today was almost a celebratory day for all of us. Telling stories about her life and not shedding a ton of tears.