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When does compassion end?
jd50ae
Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
You have heard my rants about parasitic step kids.
I think I have made my feelings about illegal drugs clear.
I posted about a very late phone call a couple of days ago and it appears the police did a good job of handling the situation.
The manager of a stop and rob called about a customer (my really stupid stepson) being too impaired to be driving a car, good on him. Stupid goes to wash his borrowed car at the same location and the police come. The police wanted to be lenient but stupid made that impossible. He had in his pocket hydros, Xanax and tramadol(?). He was also driving with my grandson, who was on a visitation, in the car. They took him to jail and he bonded himself out. My grandson was returned home to our house. Now stupid is on parole/probation for a 9 year stretch and will be seeing his PO this week. I fully expect him to be returned to finish his sentence. Tough and good riddance.
Now the question about compassion. His wife, who has a job, is already making noise about moving in with us. My wife has already accepted it, but I have not. She is a bigger flake then he is and I don't want her here. She is a chronic liar and a thief. On top of that she will take any drug out there, I don't want her near her kids.
The compassion is for my wife, do I give in? Or do I cause more trouble by refusing? We live on such a tight budget that this month there was nothing left for me to splurge and an extra mouth to feed scares me. Now, if she does move in she will pay, but in the past it has always "I'll pay you next month". They owe us so much money I quit counting it up. Am I wrong to feel this way? It kind of goes against my belief that we were put on this earth to take care of it and each other. When is enough really enough?
I think I have made my feelings about illegal drugs clear.
I posted about a very late phone call a couple of days ago and it appears the police did a good job of handling the situation.
The manager of a stop and rob called about a customer (my really stupid stepson) being too impaired to be driving a car, good on him. Stupid goes to wash his borrowed car at the same location and the police come. The police wanted to be lenient but stupid made that impossible. He had in his pocket hydros, Xanax and tramadol(?). He was also driving with my grandson, who was on a visitation, in the car. They took him to jail and he bonded himself out. My grandson was returned home to our house. Now stupid is on parole/probation for a 9 year stretch and will be seeing his PO this week. I fully expect him to be returned to finish his sentence. Tough and good riddance.
Now the question about compassion. His wife, who has a job, is already making noise about moving in with us. My wife has already accepted it, but I have not. She is a bigger flake then he is and I don't want her here. She is a chronic liar and a thief. On top of that she will take any drug out there, I don't want her near her kids.
The compassion is for my wife, do I give in? Or do I cause more trouble by refusing? We live on such a tight budget that this month there was nothing left for me to splurge and an extra mouth to feed scares me. Now, if she does move in she will pay, but in the past it has always "I'll pay you next month". They owe us so much money I quit counting it up. Am I wrong to feel this way? It kind of goes against my belief that we were put on this earth to take care of it and each other. When is enough really enough?
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people don't understand why I would rather be around dogs the humans.
"I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke ever last one of 'em." - Ron White
Oh believe me my feelings and opinions will be heard two counties over.
I am really big into helping family, and will do whatever I can whenever I can to help as long as it WILL help, I will not help out any family member if all that help does is give them the excuse to continue there silliness, And I wont do anything that will cause conflict for my household, or invite deceit, harm, and/or theft in our household. If the wife's family need help with something and it's an inconvenience to me but I will get over it, no problem just do it, but if it's something that can cause a lot of arguing between us and harm Our relationship (the wife and mine) and cause our bills to suffer, or the above listed harm/theft it wont happen period. The wife and I agreed long ago that if we sit down and talk logically about something we are thinking about doing for someone, and either cant agree about the long run of it between us, or that its just a hot topic from the start that causes arguments then we don't do it because of the damage it may cause our relationship - and no bullsh!t arguing about it to get the end result wanted, we must sit down and have a good honest logical talk about it even using paper and pen with PRO & CON lists for reference
I don't assume to say I have any idea about how you and your wife decide things, but in my experience as long as the ones involved in making the final decision can sit down, talk openly, honestly, and Logically ((and keep emotions & tempers out of it !)) about the issue and the effects it can cause down the road, are usually able to agree on the next step and move forward one way or the other
I wish I could have back the thousands of $ my sense of compassion has compelled me to lose in vain attempts to help various friends and family members. Not gonna happen, though. Very very rarely is the help appreciated, and even more rarely repaid or reciprocated in any way.
JMHO, don't let the flake in, you and your wife will suffer and regret it.
"If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed. If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." -- Mark Twain
I don't even your situation but my daughters last BF smoked mota and thought he could waltz over all the time high. That ended pretty quickly. If you ever want to unload, please feel free to PM me.
Wifey may just want you to be the bad guy. I vote just say no.
The other stepson's "fiance" is getting stupid drugs, she gets them from her father. She is pregnant. It ain't the stepson's and he hasn't figured that out.
Stupid calls his mother yesterday and wants to talk to me, ain't happening. He wants to know what he can do to make things right between us, tried that once before and he got thrown out of the house. I can only think his parole officer or a lawyer told him he is going to need some people to stand up for him in court and vouch for him..it ain't me lord...it ain't me. He has done this type of thing before and it always always ends up worse then the last time. His promises and his word ain't worth diddly poop.
And no one is talking about the fact that he had our grandson in the car when he got popped for being impaired and a pocket full of drugs.....I am the only one who remembers that.
Folks you can't make this stuff up. And if I was not close to the situation I would not believe it.
Gonna light up a Zombie that BigShizza sent me, seems like a good choice.
The proceeding has been for entertainment purposes only and none of the names have been changed to protect anyone. Check your local listings for further episodes.
I think after the Zombie I will smoke an Asylum and then maybe a Delirium. Taking suggestions......
Why does your wife want her in the house? This you have not said.
For what it's worth, I always gave all my step children the opportunity to rob me. I remember the first time, the wife warned me: "He'll steal from us. He has from me." I answered: "Well, he hasn't stolen yet from me." I gave him a chance, and he absconded overnight with a klunker car, some money, tools, and I forget what all else. Big deal. Better than being robbed by strangers. Years later, we raised his children. Later, took him and brood in again. In each instance, we ourselves were poor as church mice. We got by though. The only reason I have a small business on the side to this day is that I started it to make ends meet when feeding his tots. No, I absolutely do not buy the argument that a tight budget cannot feed an extra mouth. You divide it out. You work harder. The best meal is a table full of family. Anything an onion goes into can feed an army. Potato soup is a feast. I do not buy the argument that if you require her to pay she will owe you money. That's simple to solve: don't require her to pay. Why would you set yourself up for failure? Ask her to help with the dishes. Ask her to cook dinner Thursdays. Ask her to bring home sticky buns on the way from her work. At least she's got a job. Ask her to baby sit the grandson while you take the old lady to Sizzler's. Ask her to come to church with you. What you don't ask is, you don't ask for gratitude. That's not in human nature.
What if she does turn around and respond to love? Is that an opportunity you would want to miss?
She's asking you.
JMTC and you do what you have to.
but... Ain't life just grand?
No one likes to be taken advantage of but more often than not when it happens it was because we approached the situation with love and compassion. Does this mean we should stop being compassionate? I hope not. The most important job Jesus gives us is to love. It's important to remember that he didn't say we needed to be "in love." Being "in love" is a state, a condition. Gammarians will tell you it is an adjective that describes a noun or a pronoun (as in "JD is in love"). But love, I suggest, is more property thought of as a verb--it's an action a thing that you do, not a state you are in. Love her. If she steals from you, love her. If she uses drugs, love her. Use your love to help her become a better person and a better mother,
and of course, in the process, protect your family. Here is what I would say, "We would love to help you out by letting you stay here. Money is tight but we will make it work--it may be that we a eating beans for dinner most nights but we will make it work. When you have money and you can help us out that would be great--but if you can't we will still make it work. We know that you've had a drug problem in the past and we will help you there to, to the best of our ability. You need to know, though, that you cannot be in our home when you are using drugs or under the influence of drugs. No exceptions! If you need to use some night than you will be responsible for finding a different place to stay that night..." And then any other conditions.
Just my opinion.
1. They lived in MN and called for permission to move in so they could start over and get away from drugs. They would get jobs and pay the electric bill. They left screaming insults and accusations and have never paid us a dime.
2. They were arrested for the manufacture and selling crack. This is while they were living with his sister. It cost his sister's family over $15,000.00 to be able to move back in their house. We found out later he was bring the manufacturing waste and burning it in our fire pit and dumping it down the side of the hill. The grand kids were visiting here when they were arrested and we sued for guardianship.
3. They both got 9 year sentences which included child endangerment. After 6 months they were released and moved back in with us. Again more promises and none were kept. Again they left with screaming threats and accusations.
4. He got sick and ended up in the hospital and when he got out guess where he went. They treated our house like a motel with an endless hospitality bar and we were their maids. Again screaming and threats, this time because I asked him to shut the refrigerator door. He moved into a house with his brother, who moved out as soon as he could.
5. This last round he should have gone to prison, but guess what, he is going to "Anger Management" classes. The only good thing that came out of it is his wife will not be moving in.
We have fed them. We have clothed them. We have housed them. My wife paid his prison commissary bills. I found out just lately my wife paid for a lot more I did not know about. We traveled to his prison so people could visit. He has borrowed and either failed to return the items or returned them broke. His wife has emptied their daughters piggy bank. The grand kids do not want to live with them. They still have unsupervised visitation rights which is just plain wrong. They are both liars, cheats and thieves. And thru all of this they have not attempted to pay us back a dime or help with the kids expenses. They both have jobs and they bring in more money then I do and we do without a lot so the kids will have what they need. They both have jobs and made no payments on their truck and it got re-possessed while the wife was at Wall-Mart. So guess who drives the wife back and forth to work, at 130AM.The kids are both A students and both belong to the Honor society. The parents need to be as far away from the kids as possible, and if it were up to me they would be.
Love, compassion, kindness, spending what little we have to help them out? They belong in prison. The only help they will never get from this household will have to be behind my back, which won't surprise me at all. Even the sister and brother want them in prison.
My apologies for even starting this thread but I have no where else to let it out.
"I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke ever last one of 'em." - Ron White