Depression

christian1971

I have been dealing with depression for years. Love my wife and son. Just moved to a new house. But why does my depression keep hanging on. Im taking Effexor (venlafaxine). Its like someone is holding me physically down. There are times where I could cry for no reason. I wont bore you with details. My job as a cna feels unrewarding and I don't like it. But it helps pay medical bills. The fear of a slippery slope and downward spiral scares me. What helps you?

The3Stogies

Smoke a cigar, repeat as needed. Watched my mother deal with depression up until her death, but she didn't want to deal with it or even try. Kudo's to you for admitting it. Keep busy working, playing with family or reading, keep your body busy and your mind occupied with new things, do new things. Have you seen a shrink? I saw one years ago when I was going through some stuff, don't know if it was real depression or just a case of the poor me's but it did help. Took a while to find one I was comfortable with and could open up with honestly. Didn't want to open up to family, clergy or friends, needed a stranger, was embarrassed. Just lamenting to him once a week helped, after a few sessions he would interpret my feelings. Keep stroking brother you have accomplished a lot so far, relish what you have in front of you. Good luck and God Bless

Puff_Dougie

I feel ya, Christian. I've had the same struggle for years with cycles of depression. Doesn't seem to be connected with how well or poorly I'm doing, though tough times can set it off. Sometimes it feels like I don't think I deserve to do well or get ahead so I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. What has helped me the most has been staying connected to God through prayer and reading the Bible, being around my family even when I feel like isolating myself, staying around positive people and avoiding the negative ones, and talking it out with my wife.

Thanks for having the courage to share this here. You'll be in my prayers too, brother.

Bigshizza

Me too... I'm the glass half empty. Self deprecating joking and that sort of shield has been used for a long time! The "bubbly" types don't get it at all and wonder why you just can't appreciate what you have in life. I'm always wondering... Why am I still here? What's the point? And no--- God and believing-- hasn't helped either. I think I need stronger meds but hate the side effects. It's a minute by minute struggle.

First_Warrior

i struggle with depression as part of my PTSD from the Vietnam war. Whenever I feel depression creeping in i step back and try introspection. I usually find that I am out of balance. I think that the physical, intellectual and spiritual parts of a person need to be addressed for that person to be in balance, at least that is true for me. I try to id what part or parts that i have been neglecting and address those parts. Some times i need to work out more often, sometimes I need more NA ceremony, and sometimes I need a project or to make more art. At times I need to back off on something to bring the other parts into balance. The VA gives me meds and the low dose i am on seems to help but introspection works pretty good in my case. It never ends but don't give up. Be a survivor.

bandyt09

Have dealt with my depression for over 30 years and will continue to do so till the day I day. I have tried almost everything on the market but nothing has worked long term. Also, I am not a pill person so that didn't help either. I only sleep 4 to 5 hours a night of broken sleep so that makes life a little worse. All I can say is that it is a chemical imbalance, so it is what it is and that's my attitude towards it, if that makes sense. I refuse to succumb to it so when I feel it setting in I get real busy and surround myself with my friends that won't let me wallow in my own self pity. On the other hand, I do a lot of masking when I am not having a major attack and most of my acquaintances have no idea that I suffer from depression and would never believe me if I told them.

Tyland64

My struggle is a mix of Rodger (First Warrior) and Todd (bandyt09). I made the mistake of hiding things in the back of my brain.Then out of the blue it all showed up. I maybe sleep that same 4-6 hrs of broken sleep. I have been using amber glasses for some time now. They really help with mood swings and to stop traveling down the dark road. I also use different tempos of music to lighten the load that comes with fighting this thing. I recently got a Alpha Stim unit from the VA and it really does work for me. Some people have a hard time with the impulse rate and the whole clipping the probes to your ear lobes. Just know you are not alone in this. Try and find something that is just about you and only you. Make it a regular part of your tool box to fight this. I hope my 2 cents is of some help.

No_one21

I'm typically pretty open about my issues, but seeing as recently I've had the first regression in about a year, I just don't feel like it however, I will say this. After trying medications, a lot, I didn't like what they did/who I was so I decided to take it back into my own hands.

What helps me is, I collect hobbies. The reason being anything that keeps my mind occupied keeps it away from the black-hole type thoughts that many of you understand. So I play soccer, I run, I scuba dive, I sail, play bass, play guitar, play with cars, smoke cigars, some video games, I've done photography, drawing, writing, piano (which I'd like to do again soon), and I've gotten really really drunk consistently for very long sets of time... anything to occupy my mind.

webmost

Everybody gets kicked in the teeth one time or another. Anyone can get down. The part I don't understand is how come everybody can't always shake it off? Some people thay shake off one trouble after another then one thing they can't. I have a stepdaughter just got out of the hospital from a suicide attempt. Has a handsome grown son, another autistic son who needs her, a great man, a tot daughter cute as a button... How come she couldn't shake off what had her down for their sake? Maybe you guys can clue me in. How's that work?

perkinke

webmost:

Everybody gets kicked in the teeth one time or another. Anyone can get down. The part I don't understand is how come everybody can't always shake it off? Some people thay shake off one trouble after another then one thing they can't. I have a stepdaughter just got out of the hospital from a suicide attempt. Has a handsome grown son, another autistic son who needs her, a great man, a tot daughter cute as a button... How come she couldn't shake off what had her down for their sake? Maybe you guys can clue me in. How's that work?

It's a chemical imbalance. For whatever reason our brains simply don't produce the chemicals in the correct amounts or at the correct times. It isn't about "shaking it off," it's very difficult to explain if you haven't experienced it. It's not being sad, it's not being down, it's not being unhappy, it's much deeper and less controllable than all of that. It often doesn't matter what you have in life, or what other people think you have and often that makes it even worse, people trying to tell you all the great things you have and that you shouldn't feel the way you do. There are a great many people I know that would be stunned that I have depression because I mask it well in public. I am also fortunate that mine is "mild chronic depression" rather than anything more severe but there are days I have not been very far from where your stepdaughter was, I was never actively suicidal but I spent long periods of time not caring if I woke up the next day or if I walked in front of a bus. I have a great career, am well respected in my field and have a fantastic circle of friends, but none of that alone rids me of my depression; in all but the very worst days it helps and on the worst of the worst all of those things can actually increase the pressure. I cannot imagine the demands on your stepdaughter in caring for a special needs child. I am fortunate that I found a med that works for me, it's not a "happy pill" because it doesn't MAKE me happy, but it makes capable of being happy. The best way to describe it is that it lifts the bottom end of my depression out of the red zone.

But as for controlling it, it's really a combination of things like people have said. For me it's meds, exercise, good diet, and socializing especially when I'm at my worst and don't want to. One thing I read recently is to clean the house/office/whatever for an hour or two each day. The thinking is that it allows a person to exercise control over their environment, it makes sense to me because that tends to be what I do when I start to slide, massive house cleaning or reorganization.

bandyt09

webmost:

Everybody gets kicked in the teeth one time or another. Anyone can get down. The part I don't understand is how come everybody can't always shake it off? Some people thay shake off one trouble after another then one thing they can't. I have a stepdaughter just got out of the hospital from a suicide attempt. Has a handsome grown son, another autistic son who needs her, a great man, a tot daughter cute as a button... How come she couldn't shake off what had her down for their sake? Maybe you guys can clue me in. How's that work?

Depression isn't the blues and the blues aren't depression. Depression doesn't shake off and I think Kevin spoke very well that it's a chemical imbalance. For a visual, imagine a large roller coaster and I mean huge. See the top of the lift and the drop all he way to the bottom? That is what depression is, most are constantly going into (the top of the lift) or coming out of a crisis (the bottom of the drop). We are just trying to make the lift a little lower and the bottom a little higher, that's what the meds do typically. I find myself doing better overall without the meds as they make me feel like crap and I have found I can notice when a lift or bottom drop is coming so I face it and deal with it.

Rain

Makes me wonder what famous people in the past dealt with problems that we're just know making medication for. Depression, anxiety, complexes etc etc. Guess they just used opium. Had to suck to have depression in 300AD.

No_one21

webmost:

Everybody gets kicked in the teeth one time or another. Anyone can get down. The part I don't understand is how come everybody can't always shake it off? Some people thay shake off one trouble after another then one thing they can't. I have a stepdaughter just got out of the hospital from a suicide attempt. Has a handsome grown son, another autistic son who needs her, a great man, a tot daughter cute as a button... How come she couldn't shake off what had her down for their sake? Maybe you guys can clue me in. How's that work?

The other two guys pretty much hit the nail on the head. But, I just wanted to add, that sadness or anger not lining up with depression is one of the most maddening parts. I can sit here and say, I have a good job and live comfortably, I'm not really ugly or undesirable, I had a good upbringing with family love and such, there are lots of reasons that I should be a happy person... but there are days, weeks, months where I'm not physically happy at all and it's largely out of my control.

webmost

How do we know chemicals are cause, and not effect?

Here's the other thing worries me: This gal took a pile of pills to try and kill herself, cause she said life piled on too many troubles for her to handle. Their solution? Gave her a purse full of pills. Then her one son moved in with his father, her four year old daughter she can only get supervised visitation once a week, the little girl lives with her second husband, the one who beat her up, and she's left with the autistic one. Meanwhile, FMLA with its attendant debt up the butt. Cripes, if she didn't have cause to be bummed before, and means to end it all, how bout now? Closest person in her life? Her sister. Turned on her.

So. If it ain't circumstance which brings this on, wouldn't dire circumstance at least exacerbate the thing?

Last, if saying look what you have to be thankful for doesn't help. what does?

Hope you don't mind the hijack.

No_one21

Well the first thing you need to know, is that this country deals with mental illness horribly. The laws, the recommended practices, and the overall public knowledge all deter the benefits of getting help instead of bolstering them.

And yes, sometimes dire circumstances can trigger such feelings. However, on the off chance they got her medication right (off chance because there are TONS of choices and they narrow it down but then essentially guess) then even though her life could be in the **** she might not feel as depressed and be able to handle it.

And finally, what does help has been talked about already in this thread with some good responses. Most seem to agree that keeping their mind busy is helpful i.e. hobbies, work, and such helps. The main issue is that the depression makes it just insanely hard to force yourself to do anything some times. A lot of people just never believe they can do it, and give up... that's really the trick to it. Never give up.

TaraLee

webmost:

How do we know chemicals are cause, and not effect?

Here's the other thing worries me: This gal took a pile of pills to try and kill herself, cause she said life piled on too many troubles for her to handle. Their solution? Gave her a purse full of pills. Then her one son moved in with his father, her four year old daughter she can only get supervised visitation once a week, the little girl lives with her second husband, the one who beat her up, and she's left with the autistic one. Meanwhile, FMLA with its attendant debt up the butt. Cripes, if she didn't have cause to be bummed before, and means to end it all, how bout now? Closest person in her life? Her sister. Turned on her.

So. If it ain't circumstance which brings this on, wouldn't dire circumstance at least exacerbate the thing?

Last, if saying look what you have to be thankful for doesn't help. what does?

Hope you don't mind the hijack.

Just like what was mentioned before, depression is far worse than being 'blue' or 'sad'. So many say, 'how could they do that, they have so much ________'. But the depression isn't a logical reaction to outside events (although, yes it can be trigered by them). It's a f#ckedupedness that you can't untangle in your head. There is a hollowness that comes with it, and when a person is suicidal, there is a numbness. A point where the person may think that the suicide itself is doing a favor for the loved ones around them who are suffering with the by-product of her depression. I can't describe the hollow or numbness. It's just empty~ already dead.... By killing themselves, they think that there's no loss of life (because of the numbness-they don't feel alive anyway) and that their loved ones don't have to suffer anymore. They think they won't come out of it, and the best, most humane thing they think they can do is at least put an end to the suffering of those around them.

So with the right meds, support and other activities that previous members have mentioned (it's different for everyone) she can be ok... mainly because being sad, or stressed or heartbroken is better that being in that lost dark place. But she will need the support to keep her from going back. Staying busy to keep herself on track and making her health the focus will get her through.

As for things that you can say that COULD help (instead of 'look what you have to be thankful for'); Giving words of encouragement like, 'you are here and strong, even if you can't see it now'... 'you have come a long way'... 'remember, this feeling is temorary, even when it doesn't feel like it, it WILL pass'... Sometimes, no words, just someone being there is what helps.

First_Warrior

Keep on keepin on Tara Lee. i guess I'm a lucky guy because I have help from others with my depression. I meet regulary with a group of combat veterans. We talk about the war sometimes but mostly about how we feel about the things that happen on our lives. Those guys have become my most trusted companions and we call each other at times during the week. I'm going to DC with a large group of (70) vets weekend after next and we will have a candle light memorial service at the Vietnam Wall. I also crawl into a traditional Lakota sweat lodge every couple of months. Those of us in the lodge sing songs of prayer and quite often have out of body experiances. The lodge takes several hours and is built upon layer and layer of prayer and ceremony. We are new men when we emerge and we leave a lot of stuff behind. The lodge seems to bring us into balance and a after lodge cigar helps. Depression is like carring a load of stones in a sack. The more stones there are the heavier the sack becomes. I am lucky because with the help of my brother warriors in the group and in the lodge I can take some of my stones out and ease my load. Same thing happens when we write these things on this tread I suppose. Keep on keepin on Tara Lee. Post when you need. Rodger

taythegibs

TaraLee:

webmost:

How do we know chemicals are cause, and not effect?

Here's the other thing worries me: This gal took a pile of pills to try and kill herself, cause she said life piled on too many troubles for her to handle. Their solution? Gave her a purse full of pills. Then her one son moved in with his father, her four year old daughter she can only get supervised visitation once a week, the little girl lives with her second husband, the one who beat her up, and she's left with the autistic one. Meanwhile, FMLA with its attendant debt up the butt. Cripes, if she didn't have cause to be bummed before, and means to end it all, how bout now? Closest person in her life? Her sister. Turned on her.

So. If it ain't circumstance which brings this on, wouldn't dire circumstance at least exacerbate the thing?

Last, if saying look what you have to be thankful for doesn't help. what does?

Hope you don't mind the hijack.

Just like what was mentioned before, depression is far worse than being 'blue' or 'sad'. So many say, 'how could they do that, they have so much ________'. But the depression isn't a logical reaction to outside events (although, yes it can be trigered by them). It's a f#ckedupedness that you can't untangle in your head. There is a hollowness that comes with it, and when a person is suicidal, there is a numbness. A point where the person may think that the suicide itself is doing a favor for the loved ones around them who are suffering with the by-product of her depression. I can't describe the hollow or numbness. It's just empty~ already dead.... By killing themselves, they think that there's no loss of life (because of the numbness-they don't feel alive anyway) and that their loved ones don't have to suffer anymore. They think they won't come out of it, and the best, most humane thing they think they can do is at least put an end to the suffering of those around them.

So with the right meds, support and other activities that previous members have mentioned (it's different for everyone) she can be ok... mainly because being sad, or stressed or heartbroken is better that being in that lost dark place. But she will need the support to keep her from going back. Staying busy to keep herself on track and making her health the focus will get her through.

As for things that you can say that COULD help (instead of 'look what you have to be thankful for'); Giving words of encouragement like, 'you are here and strong, even if you can't see it now'... 'you have come a long way'... 'remember, this feeling is temorary, even when it doesn't feel like it, it WILL pass'... Sometimes, no words, just someone being there is what helps.

That is a well written piece on how it feels. In my, in no way medically studied, way of seeing it part of what is causing this epedemic of depression is what we are putting into our bodies. I do also believe that there is a decent percentage of the population that claim to have depression that are just suffering from the herd mentality that we all fall prey to once in a while.

wahooschock

Really all depends on the person and type of depression. Sure there are blind followers that claim depression and take the pills. Then theres the depressed that pharmaceuticals work for. Then theres ones like myself. I have ptsd, schizo-effective bipolar disorder ...rapid of course, oppositional defiance disorder, and homicidal/psychopathic tendency s. Meds made it worse. I would jus self harm instead. And I got fat. 3years no pharmaceuticals. Lost weight , got hobbies, a good woman who understands, some animals, and I smoke and eat Mary Jane. Havent cut myself since off meds. Sure I sink into slumps of horrible depression and is still can't sleep, but I push on take a puff of a cigaar or blunt andgo about my life. Yup im still a recluse. Yup I dont go out where theres alot of people but thats not the depression. Thats for public safety. ...ive been institutionalized several times. Doesnt help. In my case the depression really kicks my butt when I should be happiest. Like im wired backward. You wann cheat on me lol ok... ya wanna lie..whatever...you want to love me for me and be with me forever..oh sh*t I better kill myself. If I look at the good it illuminates the bad. But now with mother nature at my side I can push through. No side effects cause I dont get "high" I get "normal". For one I use autoflowers that are high in cbd not thc. Sucky part there is my friends get all sorts a high and I get to look at em like "you lucky ***" but at least im not gutting someone like a fish or myself for that matter. ..believe me ive tried and have the scares ta prove it. Im also chemical and environmental though. Abusive childhood, all my girlfriend's other than my current one cheated on me and threw it in my face, then nanna is schizophrenic some family members were successful in their attempts at death. Eh proly too much info. I dont care. Depression is awful. Good luck to you all.

brianetz1

I like this thread. It is pretty informative.

I have dealt with mentally unbalanced family members for years. My mother (Manic-Depressed, OCD, eating disorders, chemical dependencies, hospitalized multiple times), my sister (severe ADHD, manic-depressive, chemical dependencies), my aunt (paranoid schizophrenic - completely hospitalized my mom is her guardian), my other aunt (severe depression, severe eating disorder, hospitalized multiple times), my grandmother (all sorts of messed up, but refused to get help for her issues so nothing was diagnosed)......luckily for me it seems to run in the females of my mom's family because all of the boys are generally unaffected. (kind of points to serial molestation by a male in the family, but i haven't been privy to that family secret yet)

For years i went through the normal reactions that people who are unaffected themselves went through: Cheer up it's not that bad, look at all the nice things you have be thankful, why are you so down all the time, what the hell is wrong with you, etc. etc. etc. It wasn't until i was late high school age and into college that i finally decided to do some research myself to try and educate myself in what the hell was going on. Unfortunately someone telling you what is wrong is far from someone telling you how you can help/how you can help deal with it; which is really what i was looking for.

Speaking from the unaffected side it is nice to see people sharing like this, i would love to see what the affected feel those of us that are dealing with this should be doing. It is really tough when you know people are dealing with mental issues, but you are not sure what you should do to help them.

Big''nBall''n

Depression a real *** lot of great sugession talking about helps too, I have depression mine is more body image related I subconsciously don't like myself so I get down and effects people around me. I take meds and have low testosterone levels too. I see depression at work with my patients, it's a real roller coaster, I've also been around wahooschock when he has been on the breaking point, it sucks. Good luck brother we are always here to listen!!

wahooschock

Big''nBall''n:

Depression a real *** lot of great sugession talking about helps too, I have depression mine is more body image related I subconsciously don't like myself so I get down and effects people around me. I take meds and have low testosterone levels too. I see depression at work with my patients, it's a real roller coaster, I've also been around wahooschock when he has been on the breaking point, it sucks. Good luck brother we ate always here to listen!!

Thanks bro. You sure have my friend lol all bloody and hysterical. Brought me to the hospital for admittance. Thank you for that. The main shrink there helped me change my life for the better. Your a true friend.

Big''nBall''n

christian1971 how you holding up?

stephen_hannibal

Man I'm sorry to hear this. I've wrestled with it for years too.
I hope you feel better man.
I hope you get some rest.