just need to vent... you can ingnore me. i wont be offended

LiquidChaos66

So my brother and I used to be very close. We spent a lot of time together and I really enjoyed being around him. Well he got married last year to a woman my wife despises. She thinks she knows exactly every fiber of my brothers wife and doesn't want to be around her or my brother. She thinks my brother is self centered (when he has been there at the drop of a hat for me... MY ENTIRE LIFE) and she feels that whenever he wants to see us that its only cause he wants to feel like he hasn't been a 'bad uncle'. He is currently working 70+ hours a week and going to college after work. He has NO TIME to see us! on top of the fact that he lives over an hour away from us.

We had the opportunity to spend the weekend at the beach with my brother and his wife. Getting a chance to see either of them is extremely rare. I love them both. But I had to lie and push them off like always to appease my wife. Breaks my f**kin heart.

I cant get my wife to budge on her feelings. They are so callous and unjustified. no matter how I try she doesn't budge. THEN she gets mad at me when I get defensive or upset about her talking so much crap about them. I love my wife to death... she really is a great person... except for this one thing.

I miss my brother... A lot. This blows.

[Deleted User]

Sorry to hear this especially since family matters can put people in the middle.

If it were me, I would go see them without your wife. 

Amos_Umwhat

Could your wife be jealous of them?  Or, simply, possessive of you?

The3Stogies

Trying to keep peace in the valley, good luck with that.  Maybe you should plan a weekend, or 2, a year just for you and your brother, no wives allowed.  Your wife will probably want to go eventually if she see's you having fun without her.  Then she will have to kinda accept his wife too.  Once they get to know each other feelings may change, but you have to get to know each other better.  If she doesn't want to at least you and your brother can have some fun anyways being kids again.  

LiquidChaos66

Its not a jealousy or possessive issue honestly. she 'got a bad feeling from her' (my brothers wife) when they first met and she has let that taint her feelings for them. She rarely ever forgives anyone and doesn't make an effort to try in situations like this. :-(

I may have to take it up to make a time to spend with my brother. I don't want to offend or piss off the wife but its gonna have to happen.

Bob_Luken

I've got a little experience with your type of situation. I'm not going into any detail about my situation but, in my opinion these smaller battles will add up to a "cold war" of resentment. As for me, my long term marriage is over. Yep, I never thought that would happen but, here I am. For better or worse, I'm single. For you, I'd advise you to use a mediator. Some type of experienced family counselor. Your position seems valid. Her position may be valid. Both of you, with the help of a mediator, could agree on a plan to compromise. A third party will lend balance to the resolution. On the other hand, you could work it out on your own. How's that workin' for ya'?  I that case, It's possible that one of you will be less likely to compromise than the other That's an unbalanced solution where one of you gets to hold the sh!tty end of the stick. And you can't say anything about it because that's what was agreed to. What I'm saying is a impartial, third party that is experienced in family counseling will bring balance to your solution.

However you decide to resolve this, you deserve to see your brother. Period. Make it happen. 

 

peter4jc

Bob...  you posted in the wrong thread.