just need to vent... you can ingnore me. i wont be offended
LiquidChaos66
Posts: 3,767 ✭✭✭✭
So my brother and I used to be very close. We spent a lot of time together and I really enjoyed being around him. Well he got married last year to a woman my wife despises. She thinks she knows exactly every fiber of my brothers wife and doesn't want to be around her or my brother. She thinks my brother is self centered (when he has been there at the drop of a hat for me... MY ENTIRE LIFE) and she feels that whenever he wants to see us that its only cause he wants to feel like he hasn't been a 'bad uncle'. He is currently working 70+ hours a week and going to college after work. He has NO TIME to see us! on top of the fact that he lives over an hour away from us.
We had the opportunity to spend the weekend at the beach with my brother and his wife. Getting a chance to see either of them is extremely rare. I love them both. But I had to lie and push them off like always to appease my wife. Breaks my f**kin heart.
I cant get my wife to budge on her feelings. They are so callous and unjustified. no matter how I try she doesn't budge. THEN she gets mad at me when I get defensive or upset about her talking so much crap about them. I love my wife to death... she really is a great person... except for this one thing.
I miss my brother... A lot. This blows.
Comments
"I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke ever last one of 'em." - Ron White
Have you prayed for God to soften her heart?
Again, if I am presuming too much, I apologize.
I am very close to my younger bro. I would be heartbroken just like you were I in the same situation.
I firmly believe God can open doors and change situations. He did it in my life.
Hope things get better for you!
-Jay
Also so I can't go without them. She would be mad at me for leaving her alone with the kid lol
"I'm at the point in my life where if it doesn't taste good,I'm not putting it in my mouth"
LMAO! nah.... I think you three will hit it off with her fairly well. :-) NOW HURRY UP AND MOVE TO OREGON!
"I'm at the point in my life where if it doesn't taste good,I'm not putting it in my mouth"
Life is too short to smoke bad cigars!!!
Oh when the Blues, Oh when the Blues, Oh when the Blues go marching in!
I hate the way we end up having two separate threads going on at the same time over the same exact thing.
Has anybody figured out the double post thing yet? Or even why it happens? Some guys (like Chris) get double posts EVERY time. It doesn't happen to everybody. Is it an app thing?
Here's an idea. Every time you "always double posts guys" post a thread, think of two things to post about. Make your first post, then edit the duplicate to change it to the other question/statement.
Either that or figure out how NOT to double post. LOL
Odium is odious.
"If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed. If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." -- Mark Twain
ASK AMY.
Seriously. This is classic advice column material. She gets this kind of question at least once a month, and her answers often are pretty common-sensical. Here's how she would probably answer your question:
"First of all, you need to figure out exactly what is the source of your wife's antipathy toward your brother and his wife. According to your question, it sounds like your sister in law is the issue. When sisters in law don't get along, that antipathy is often transferred to the brother in law. Without being judgmental, ask your wife to list specific things that the SIL and your brother did to engender this hatred. You might find out things that you didn't know about. Just listen, without trying to defend him or your sister in law. At the end of the diatribe, just say, "Now I have a better understanding of where you're coming from. This doesn't change my need to have a relationship with my brother [don't mention the wife] but I can see how it affects you."
This may not lead to making the situation better, but at least it will give you an understanding of where she's coming from and it make her feel less like you and your brother and SIL are "ganging up on her." If she can't name specific examples of bad behavior, that at least your assessment of her feelings being unjustified can be substantiated. But even if this is so, don't try to "correct her." As others have said, grudges are often irrational, and you can't rationalize the irrational.
You may never be able to able heal this rift. But at the same time, when you say you want to visit your brother and SIL and leave your child with your wife, you're creating feelings of abandonment that only make this situation worse. If you're going to assert your right to visit your brother and SIL--and you certainly should feel you have the right to do so--then offer to take your child with you. The opportunity to have a day off from parenting will very likely overcome her objection to you making this visit.And it shows her that your visit is actually a real family visit, rather than what she might think of it being--an opportunity for you to have a "day off" from parenting partying with your brother and SIL."
Now, I'm not saying I would recommend this. This is just what Amy would probably say.
LMAO!!!! I did see your post in the other thread. I don't know why I get duplicate posts. I guess ill only make a post when I have 2 topics in mind.... that way I can just change the other to my second thought. ;-)
Thanks for the input guys! I really appreciate it. I know my wife will change her frame of mind when (if) she ever spends more time with them. It was the same way with my mom after my parents got a divorce. my wife hated every fiber of her being and over the years they have grown closer and have a decent relationship now. Im sure it will work the same way in this case too. She just needs to really get to know people before hating them! LMAO!
We did see a marriage counselor when we were a year into our marriage. Things were really hard (due to employment and financial issues) and we were at each others throats the entire time. We went to a counselor and I was blamed for everything and the counselor agreed even though I wasn't the one with the temper issue. So I have a slight aversion to them. lol
I have been working with my wife to get her to speak to counselors cause she has a lot of really unjustified views on life and people and its really disheartening. I want whats best for her but she is stubborn and "knows how things will turn out in every situation so its not worth the time". She budged though and has spoken with one recently and its really helped her. I wish she would make it a regular thing cause I cant be her counselor and her husband at the same time. The whole not having sex with your patients thing is kinda a roadblock. ;-) lol
"I'm at the point in my life where if it doesn't taste good,I'm not putting it in my mouth"
LMAO!
I guess the s-e-x word gets blocked. lol We need a thread for what words are censored. bet it would look like this
*****
*****
*****
*****
*****
*****
*****
LMAO!!!!