When your kid wants to move out

Big''nBall''n

My 18 year old daughter wants to move out.... very mixed emotions, my brain tells me it a right of passage, and to let her go and let life take her. my heart tells me she cant go she cant even keep her room clean, or let the dogs out on time. she cant manage money and so on. I lucky at lease she has met a friend at her new job, a young adult women with a 2 year old son, she can stay with rent free, I'm assuming help with child care is going to be included but this given my daughter a way out if it were. better option than trying to get an apartment with her friends that are unreliable. I want to make this a positive experience for everyone, I'm afraid if we make it a negative one then she will not want to come around and be apart of the family.

got any advice or stories to help easy this transition.

P.S my co-works just told me they always come back lol   

wahooschock

Your brains right as are the coworkers lol

The3Stogies

No rent, that's a good start.  She will learn from living with others and learn about herself too.  If this lady has a 2 year old and doesn't need the extra rent money she must be doing something right.  Sounds like a good start though, just be there for her if she falls down.  Probably better than living with a bunch of other newly independent young ladies.  

Amos_Umwhat

An 18 year old wants independence?  In today's world?  You're doing something right, my friend.  Most of 'em are still home at 28 these days, while you and the wife raise their kids.  Congratulations.  And, it's still hard.

matkn293

I have not hit this situation as of yet, so I don't know what you are going through.  However it cant be much different than sending one away to college etc.  I know your concerns are real, but you almost have to let them spread their wings and fly.  I know, easier said than done.  Good luck to you sir. 

brianetz1

just sent my 18 year old to college and it was the hardest thing i have had to do as a parent.  the feeling of not knowing what is going to happen is really tough.  It's one of those things where you know you have imparted as much knowledge as you can to them and letting them go is the next step in their life, but it still is a very uneasy feeling when you drive away for the first time.

raisindot

Just sent the second of two kids off to college. It's never easy, but they are 18 and are thus legal adults and have the right to make their own decisions. Your daughter will find out quickly that some of the "bad habits" she could get away with at home won't fly when she's living with others. Hopefully, she'll learn to adapt. The hardest thing these kids face is managing money. Most don't know how use a checkbook, thinking their ATM/debit card is a money tree and never checking balances. If you can at least impart the need for her to budget or at least keep track of inflows and outflows that will save a lot of grief later on. 

jlmarta

Ah, yes. I remember quite well the day my youngest stepson left home. Not long after that my reaction was "where did all this extra money come from"?  All of a sudden I could afford a bottle of pretty decent bourbon instead of the cheap **** I'd been drinking. 

If you've raised a couple boys you know how much they can eat. Our grocery outlay dropped to about a third of what it had been. 

And ya know what?  That was a number of years ago and they've both made it quite well on their own, I'm happy to say.....

raisindot

jlmarta said:

Ah, yes. I remember quite well the day my youngest stepson left home. Not long after that my reaction was "where did all this extra money come from"?  All of a sudden I could afford a bottle of pretty decent bourbon instead of the cheap **** I'd been drinking. 

If you've raised a couple boys you know how much they can eat. Our grocery outlay dropped to about a third of what it had been. 

And ya know what?  That was a number of years ago and they've both made it quite well on their own, I'm happy to say.....

You are so frickin' right about that. Maybe the grocery money is going to tuition, but at least we've cut the time spent at the supermarket by 70%. And our trash and recycling output has dropped 80%!

[Deleted User]

brianetz1 said:

just sent my 18 year old to college and it was the hardest thing i have had to do as a parent.  the feeling of not knowing what is going to happen is really tough.  It's one of those things where you know you have imparted as much knowledge as you can to them and letting them go is the next step in their life, but it still is a very uneasy feeling when you drive away for the first time.

I did the same thing with my daughter a few years ago. My wife was cool and calm and I couldn't sleep for a few days. I got teary eyed a few times. 

I I told her about my experiences and to not let things get out of hand financially. We are there for here but we aren't a lotto system. 

She graduates in June and is then possibly coming home for her post graduate years. 

She calls every week so it feels good to stay in touch. I


t will get easier for you Big Ballin. It's hard to let go but they have to learn on their own as you know..I'm sure you'll be there for her and that's what matters most. She'll appreciate it immensely. It sounds like she put some thought into this and is approaching independence intelligently. 

If you ever want to vent, let me know. 

Amos_Umwhat

raisindot said:

. Your daughter will find out quickly that some of the "bad habits" she could get away with at home won't fly when she's living with others. Hopefully, she'll learn to adapt.

This, can be quite entertaining, watching them find out how the lights stay on, why you "picked on" them for so many "little things".  How'd the toilet paper get there?  How come my clothes are still on the floor?  Everything's dirty, why?

Not all of them, of course, but it's interesting to watch a cluster of them share a place where one of them eventually announces: "I'm not the only one who can do dishes!!"

peter4jc

I never fathered a child, but got to try out the parenting thing with a couple stepsons.  They were hellions, so launching them was not so difficult.  The harder part (especially for my ex, their mother) was deciding when to stop the revolving door.  After a few times of moving out then moving in, it became necessary to say, "This time, there's no coming back and you need to learn how to fly."

curtpick

Let her go. She will learn a lot real fast. Then be prepared for her return. 
  There is the problem. Do you let her back or don't you. Put some ground rules down for the exit and again be prepared. Had 3. All gone. Never came back. Amen!

christian1971

Our son is 15. We told him he can live with us forever. Its just our way. He is a good son. If he ever chooses to move on day, that is up to him. Plan as much as you can and save money. Every child is different. Don't burn bridges. Parenting is for a lifetime. Be open and gives lots of hugs. And always say I love you. 

Big''nBall''n

Thanks guys for the stories, it helps, she's already been back to the house a dozen times or so this week i think i'll be ok lol 

kaspera79

christian1971 said:

Our son is 15. We told him he can live with us forever. Its just our way. He is a good son. If he ever chooses to move on day, that is up to him. Plan as much as you can and save money. Every child is different. Don't burn bridges. Parenting is for a lifetime. Be open and gives lots of hugs. And always say I love you. 

... Most of what you say, I agree with.  Come back in thirteen years and we'll see what you have to say then. (jk) the forever part, he may just take you up on that offer.