Tampa Trolleys Churchills review

GrouchoMGrouchoM Houston, TexasPosts: 302 ✭✭✭
edited March 2016 in Ratings & Reviews
Manufacturer: J.C. Newman
MSRP: $2.49
Country: United States (Tampa)
Wrapper: American Grown broad-leaf Connecticut Maduro
Binder: Dominican
Filler: Dominican, Honduran and Nicaraguan
Size: 7.25 " x 52
Strength: Medium to Medium-Strong
Shape: Churchill

Prelight: The J.C. Newman Tampa Trolley Churchill is a cigar made on an old handmade cigar makers macine (machine made?) and utilizes a beautiful great cocoa colored hue American broad leaf Connecticut maduro wrapper. The wrapper is rustic with a many veins and folds in the tobacco which is paired with a Dominican binder, filled with a Dominican, Honduran, and Nicaraguan filler to complete the ensemble. The result is a mild-bodied sweet cocoa smoke. The smell is deeply strong with the flavors mentioned before which should make for an excellent flavor profile.

1/3: I've never been a saint, by any means. But, as I sit down to do this review the phone rings. It's Anthony and he makes it quick, “How's retirement Newb of the Dog Rockets?”. I don't speak. “Going to need you to pack your bags and visit a friend in Tampa.” I feel like someone just walked over my grave, as I exhale and say through clenched teeth, “Never good hearing from you, Anthony. Make this the last time!” The other end of the line goes dead with an ominous click.

2/3: At the Tampa Airport, I wait curbside for my ride. My buddy from the old crew Luca pulls up in a new black town car. Since, I had to be in this dump, might as well look up another old retiree. Luca and I grew up together, but upon leaving the old crew I don't speak to him much. We barrel down the highway and reminisce (out of all of the guys I'm closest with Luca being we grew up together in the old neighborhood). Luca demands I stay with him and I give in (never could say no to Luca). We have a great dinner and afterward I recommend he show me the sights of Tampa. “What sites? Unless, you like staring at the damn Atlantic Ocean?” I say great idea and we'll smoke a few cigars, down some nice hooch and make a night of it before my business meeting and departure tomorrow. After dinner, Luca drives to a nice dark stretch of beach with the moon hanging like a crescent in the sky. We talk and reminisce of the old days. He takes out a cigar called a Tampa Trolley and tells me he buys them because they make em in Tampa. Then he makes some crack that he should start calling himself the “Tampa Trolley”. I take it and proceed to smoke it with my childhood friend under the stars.

Upon inspection, its a rustic looking stick, a long Churchill (reminiscent of a twig you'd find on the leafy floor of the deep woods). I take out my cutter and try to cut the tip. It won't cut. I try with all of my might and nothing (a bad sign). I try both hands and the binder finally gives, Luca laughs at me. “You've always had bad luck Smitty, it follows you like a cloud”. I look at the binder and its like cheap cardboard (yeah, not a good sign). I forget to take a dry draw and try to lit this with a cheap torch Luca gives me, but the foot won't light or I don't see it catching a cherry; even though, I see pinpoints of embers and wisps of smoke in the pale moonlight. Hell, I didn't even smell the thing prelight-my mind is a million miles away from this place and this time. Luca's voice brings me back “The kid at the cigar shop said “they're a good smoke for the price, but if you don't like it, it so cheap you don't mind chunking it or finishing it. But, he also said you get a good one every now and then, more hit than miss I figured. You drew the short straw I guess”. He laughed “...the short straw”. I noticed the American grown broad leaf wrapper had come fully unbound at the tip. I lick the underneath of the wrapper and try and stick it back in place-I always finish a job. Its a mess. I can see the binder and there no smoke as I blow on the tip looking for growth of a non-existent cherry. I puff and puff and I look like a kid smoking a candy cigar. This is dog of a smoke. It's lit I figure, but I'm sucking more air through my lips as it clamps around the tip, than smoke. This is a dog with fleas I think. I taste some faint creaminess, a nutty flavor and what I think is mint. But, because I'm sucking in and blowing out wisps of smoke-I'm getting zero flavor. Luca is chugging like a old tugboat, as he leans his over-sized frame back onto the hood of the town car. “It's a dog rocket, Smitty. A mutt missile, but that what you love! I remember when the fellas started calling you 'Rockets”. I smiled as I stared out into the darkness of the Pacific waters. I was about an inch into this smoke and decided to give up. I may smoke dog rockets, and this was a champ, but I can't ever smoke a stick that fall apart due to **** construction. I have smoked them all, but I got one rule, they have to hold together and this Tampa Trolley Churchill was a nightmare.

Luca finished his smoke and said something, which I almost missed because his voice was just above a whisper. “Sorry about the smoke...” and then I heard him clearer “guess life ain't fair...like I said you draw the short straw and welcome to Tampa and smoking Tampa Trolleys or not. Ha ha! I'm glad to see you, Rockets. I know you think I don't mean that, but I am. Do me a favor, skip taking the plane back and drive my car. It's a gift for the bad Tampa Trolley, I won't be needing it where I'm going, but at least my smoke was one of those good ones. I'm going to go take a leak.” The breeze off the water caused me to put my hands in my jacket and it brushes past the handle of the snub-nose .38 caliber there, as I watch my friend Luca disappear over the sand dunes.

3/3: The next morning, I turned onto the interstate and pointed the big beautiful black town car to civilization. I turn on the radio and Sinatra's “That's Life” comes on. I skip to “Summer Wind” because it was Luca's favorite. I reach in the glove compartment and find a bundle of Tampa Trolleys. I laugh as I pull over on a very tall bridge and drop them and the .38 into the Pacific. I get back in the town car and the engine purrs like a beast. “Goodbye, Tampa, Luca and especially to Tampa Trolleys (you dog of a smoke). You all sleep with the fishes now.”

Overall:

There was nothing redeeming about the Tampa Trolley Churchills. Again, this is why I don't do business with my former B&M with the crappy humidor, or the employees pushing junk. It was a dog with fleas that suffer from everything a bad cigar has cheap components, horrid assembly and poor construction and **** storage. The reason I purchased it was a forum member PM'd me and asked for my dog rocket list. When I sent it, I added this cigar, but had actually never tried it (it was lumped on the bargain shelf with my other bad smokes). So, I decided to try it, since the stick I wanted to smoke wasn't in my car (cigar gremlins or just a dumb ass move of leaving it on the kitchen counter rushing out the door). So, since I was 3 blocks from my old B&M I thought I'd grab a quick stick. Well, I can now say it's officially a dog rocket with fleas that deserving of sleeping with the fishes as I threw it down and walked back to my old B&M to get a blue label Casa de Garcia Nica (great suggestion by another member). That walk of shame is like none other and all I could think was that damn Tampa Trolley reminds me of Luca Brasi and should be sleeping with the fishes. So, that became the set up for tonight's one act play review, dear reader.

The secret word is cigars! 

Comments

  • 0patience0patience Oregon CoastPosts: 8,187 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Damn, I feel like I just read a Sam Spade novel.
    Interesting read.  :)
    There is no crisis that a good cigar can't cure.

    Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.

    Wylaff said:
    Atmospheric pressure and crap.

    Some k n o b blocked the word k n o b and now we can't talk about adjusting the k n o b on the radio.
  • GuitardedGuitarded AlbuquerquePosts: 2,993 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Not really a geography lesson, but isn't Tampa on the Gulf of Mexico??

    Friends don't let good friends smoke cheap cigars.
  • miller65rodmiller65rod MidwestPosts: 4,270 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Looks like a Ghurka falling apart at the seams, cap, head, foot everywhere.
    Free Cuba
    "I ain't got no Opus's"
    LLA
    - Lancero Lovers of America
    2016 Gang War (South)

              
  • Amos_UmwhatAmos_Umwhat West TNPosts: 4,454 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Whatever happened to Rodney?  I miss Randy more.
    WARNING:  The above post may contain thoughts or ideas known to the State of Caliphornia to cause seething rage, confusion, distemper, nausea, perspiration, sphincter release, or cranial implosion to persons who implicitly trust only one news source, or find themselves at either the left or right political extreme.  Proceed at your own risk.  
  • peter4jcpeter4jc Milwaukee, WIPosts: 5,542 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Who would write such a stinkin' long review on a **** cigar nobody else is ever gonna smoke?

    "I could've had a Mi Querida!"   Nick Bardis
  • WylaffWylaff Reno, NVPosts: 4,412 ✭✭✭✭✭
    peter4jc said:
    Who would write such a stinkin' long review on a **** cigar nobody else is ever gonna smoke?

    Rawr.... Someone's a bit moody this morning  ;)
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    I hate myself, and I don't regret any of it.

  • peter4jcpeter4jc Milwaukee, WIPosts: 5,542 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Shut up @Wylaff;)

    I'm not sayin' he's wrong, or telling anyone what they should or shouldn't do... it just makes me wonder.  Maybe he likes hearing his own voice?
    "I could've had a Mi Querida!"   Nick Bardis
  • Bob_LukenBob_Luken already sucked before joining forum,.....just sayin'.Posts: 6,749 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited March 2016
    He wants to carve out a niche for himself maybe? Dog rocket expert? I dunno, even though it's a free country (forum), I'm opposed (on principle) to any newb reviews, even if he's just doing the **** cigars. But with the literary sideshow included in this review we can guess what the situation really is. He sees himself as a writer. (So does my plumber.) This guy wants to write fiction? That makes more sense to me because that's how I see newb reviews. Pure fiction.  
  • Bob_LukenBob_Luken already sucked before joining forum,.....just sayin'.Posts: 6,749 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited March 2016
    Guitarded said:

    Not really a geography lesson, but isn't Tampa on the Gulf of Mexico??

    I finally got around to actually reading this thing and yeah, somebody needs a geography lesson. Tampa waters aren't Atlantic and they aren't Pacific either. Both were erroneously used in this story to describe the Tampa waterways. Ultimately, writers are an arrogant bunch of idiots. That's why some of the smarter idiots use pseudonyms.   
  • YaksterYakster La Zona State of Mind when I haven't forgotten the coffee filtersPosts: 7,242 ✭✭✭✭✭
    The OP posted this "review" on at least five other sites. 
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today.

                 Join me on the Android vHerf (from link in Evernote on Android) or iOS vHerf Link -Chris
  • peter4jcpeter4jc Milwaukee, WIPosts: 5,542 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Looks like the Tampa Trolley stock is going to take a nose dive...
    "I could've had a Mi Querida!"   Nick Bardis
  • PatrickbrickPatrickbrick Lake Zurich IlPosts: 4,686 ✭✭✭✭✭
    peter4jc said:
    Who would write such a stinkin' long review on a **** cigar nobody else is ever gonna smoke?

    I like this Peter, we should hang out.  I do agree though; I know, I know, surprise, suprise.
    "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give".  Winston Churchill.
    MOW badge received.
  • GrouchoMGrouchoM Houston, TexasPosts: 302 ✭✭✭
    edited March 2016
    I resemble those remarks. Sorry my review didn't make you weep, or maybe that's the problem. I've been told that this cigar lifestyle is about relaxation and enjoyment. As a newb, I didn't want to read it either, sadly I wrote it though. Maybe, my next one will be my opus, but check my handle, its not Shakespeare. 

    That cigar deserved to sleep with the fishes,  I guess the dead fish also needed to be wrapped in my review. Points taken, but no offense meant, just settling in. 

    BTW: While it is true the Atlantic nor the Pacific references was correct. I blame that on my own lazy writing...but, an idiot? Well, my Momma had me tested when I was younger and that specific claim came back inconclusive. But, duly noted.
    Post edited by GrouchoM on
    The secret word is cigars! 
  • GrouchoMGrouchoM Houston, TexasPosts: 302 ✭✭✭
    edited March 2016
    Yakster said:
    The OP posted this "review" on at least five other sites. 
    @Yakster you are correct. I am a member of several other forums and tried my hand at submitting new content. Previously, I only submitted pics of my smokes (when I have them), posts of a few meals I've cooked and some adult beverage posts, and most also liking members congratulatory, milestone or request for well wishes posts. So,the reviews allowed me to post more detailed content from myself. I like to write and I also had a lot of trouble tasting what other reviewers said they tasted. So, I thought writing reviews would help me expand my palate, by attempting to connect my brain to my reflections on paper, might allow me to maybe gaim some experience developing a more decering palate. I may have got carried away, but certainly didn't mean any offense nor jest. I appreciated the wide range of feedback, good or bad-still looking for a good one though in all of the replies, but I know it's there.  Just trying to find my way and settle in.

    Hope that addressed your post.

    P.S. I'm a college student, who only started smoking less than four months ago, I also have a lot of time on my hands and I enjoy participating in the different forums, didn't see the harm.
    Post edited by GrouchoM on
    The secret word is cigars! 
  • GrouchoMGrouchoM Houston, TexasPosts: 302 ✭✭✭
    edited March 2016

    peter4jc said:
    Looks like the Tampa Trolley stock is going to take a nose dive...
    @peter4jc ;No, no...not my intent, but I wouldn't mind if someone took a flamethrower to the factorys content strewn in the streets like the scene from Slaughter House Five. Or, maybe a predawn Japanese Kamakazi bombing run of the factory. Oh, hell, I'd even agree to bring back the German blitzkrieg, if it ensured another one of these abominations was never again produced. Too much? 

    Let's just go with all of the above just to be sure.
    The secret word is cigars! 
  • GrouchoMGrouchoM Houston, TexasPosts: 302 ✭✭✭
    edited March 2016
    @Bob_Luken on the matter of wanting to hear my own voice. Let's just leave it at "we agree, to agree ".

    But, I'd consider it a personal favor if you would pass along to your plumber some copies of a screenplay or two I've been working on, hopefully, he's not too busy. I'd love to get his feedback on them.  This might be the opportunity to improve my writing style from "hack" too "less hack". One can only hope and dream to get good enough for "rubbish" that's where the real money is to be made in this business. Today Cigar.com, tomorrow Cigar Aficionado. 
    Post edited by GrouchoM on
    The secret word is cigars! 
  • Bob_LukenBob_Luken already sucked before joining forum,.....just sayin'.Posts: 6,749 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited March 2016
    GrouchoM said:
    @Bob_Luken on the matter of wanting to hear my own voice. Let's just leave it at "we agree, to agree ".

    (....wanting to hear my own voice.) That was somebody else who used those words, not me.

     I've been told that I'm much meaner on the forum than I am in real life and, I believe it. I apologize to everyone for that. And to you GrouchoM. But, I also want to say this to you @GrouchoM ;as gently as possible.  ....................... OK, I give up. I can't say it gently. I'll just say it. You're not like the other newbs. You seek way more attention. That annoys me. Pretty sure it annoys a bunch of us but I can't speak for everyone. I'm not saying this to pick on you. I'm saying this for you to better understand us. This is actually a great group of guys that you can learn from. If you really want to settle in, you could consider modifying your approach. That's just my suggestion. You can take it with a grain of salt. Or, take it un-salted. Or, leave it on the table. Your choice.  If you want to ask me anything or chat one-on-one you can send me a PM. (Private Message) 

    P.S. I got rid of that plumber. He was sooooo annoying. LOL
    Post edited by Bob_Luken on
  • PatrickbrickPatrickbrick Lake Zurich IlPosts: 4,686 ✭✭✭✭✭
    ^^ well said Bob.
    "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give".  Winston Churchill.
    MOW badge received.
  • WylaffWylaff Reno, NVPosts: 4,412 ✭✭✭✭✭
    We have quite a few professional reviewers on here, and I would value their opinions way above cigar aficionado. 
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    I hate myself, and I don't regret any of it.

  • YaksterYakster La Zona State of Mind when I haven't forgotten the coffee filtersPosts: 7,242 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Wylaff said:
    We have quite a few professional reviewers on here, and I would value their opinions way above cigar aficionado. 
    I learned that the hard way.
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today.

                 Join me on the Android vHerf (from link in Evernote on Android) or iOS vHerf Link -Chris
  • GrouchoMGrouchoM Houston, TexasPosts: 302 ✭✭✭
    @Bob_Luken ;

    Apology accepted. Point noted and I will strive to modify my behavior.  It took a minute for me to realize I asked to be apart of this, so I have to accept what comes with it. I will do better going forward.
    The secret word is cigars! 
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