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Pitiful Paronomasia

webmostwebmost Dull-AwarePosts: 6,070 ✭✭✭✭✭
Inspired by Poopy Jones....




Like so:

I serve my eggs benedict on a gold platter. Why? Cause there's no plates like gold for the hollandaise.

You can't make a thief laugh at a pun, cause they always take things literally.

Pun, Forrest. Pun!


“It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


Comments

  • silvermousesilvermouse Cape CodPosts: 8,571 ✭✭✭✭✭
    thanks for the new word, webmost.
  • silvermousesilvermouse Cape CodPosts: 8,571 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
    that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls.
    One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap
    some more. On the way back, he spied a lion asleep on the road.
    Afraid to wake her, he gingerly stepped her. Immediately, he
    was arrested and charged with passing gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises...

  • silvermousesilvermouse Cape CodPosts: 8,571 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2017
  • peter4jcpeter4jc Milwaukee, WIPosts: 7,565 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Today's Stock Market Report:

    Helium was up, feathers were down.

    Paper was stationary.

    Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

    Knives were up sharply.

    Cows steered into a bull market.

    Pencils lost a few points.

    Hiking equipment was trailing.

    Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

    Weights were up in heavy trading.

    Light switches were off.

    Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

    Diapers remained unchanged.

    Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

    The market for raisins dried up.

    Coca Cola fizzled.

    Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

    Sun peaked at midday.

    Balloon prices were inflated.

    Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

    And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.


    "I could've had a Mi Querida!"   Nick Bardis
  • WylaffWylaff Reno, NVPosts: 4,725 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Image result for best puns
    Image result for lego legolas meme
    Image result for best puns
    Image result for best puns
    Image result for best puns
    Image result for best puns
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    I hate myself, and I don't regret any of it.

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...

  • WylaffWylaff Reno, NVPosts: 4,725 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Image result for analyst therapist
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    I hate myself, and I don't regret any of it.

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...

  • WylaffWylaff Reno, NVPosts: 4,725 ✭✭✭✭✭

    A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal". The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    I hate myself, and I don't regret any of it.

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...

  • WylaffWylaff Reno, NVPosts: 4,725 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    I hate myself, and I don't regret any of it.

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...

  • webmostwebmost Dull-AwarePosts: 6,070 ✭✭✭✭✭
    not a chuckle in a carload, here on this page
    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • bandyt09bandyt09 AKA Mr. Barley & Mr. HopsPosts: 4,339 ✭✭✭✭✭
    peter4jc said:

    Today's Stock Market Report:

    Helium was up, feathers were down.

    Paper was stationary.

    Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

    Knives were up sharply.

    Cows steered into a bull market.

    Pencils lost a few points.

    Hiking equipment was trailing.

    Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

    Weights were up in heavy trading.

    Light switches were off.

    Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

    Diapers remained unchanged.

    Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

    The market for raisins dried up.

    Coca Cola fizzled.

    Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

    Sun peaked at midday.

    Balloon prices were inflated.

    Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

    And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.


    In my drunken mind sir, you just won the intetnet............
  • Poopy_JonesPoopy_Jones Posts: 447 ✭✭✭
    I agree Bandy. Good stuff like that reminds me that it's a punderful life
  • bandyt09bandyt09 AKA Mr. Barley & Mr. HopsPosts: 4,339 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I agree Bandy. Good stuff like that reminds me that it's a punderful life
    It reminds me that Peter puts the P U in pun..........
  • RolanddeschainRolanddeschain Milwaukee wisconsin.Posts: 810 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Long days and pleasant nights,

    Roland
  • WylaffWylaff Reno, NVPosts: 4,725 ✭✭✭✭✭
    e4a33893873d0fb106412e59a9abe87d width 600 Daily Morning Awesomeness 36 Photos
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    I hate myself, and I don't regret any of it.

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...

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