Pitiful Paronomasia

webmost

Inspired by Poopy Jones....




Like so:

I serve my eggs benedict on a gold platter. Why? Cause there's no plates like gold for the hollandaise.

You can't make a thief laugh at a pun, cause they always take things literally.

Pun, Forrest. Pun!

silvermouse

thanks for the new word, webmost.

silvermouse

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins

that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls.

One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap

some more. On the way back, he spied a lion asleep on the road.

Afraid to wake her, he gingerly stepped her. Immediately, he

was arrested and charged with passing gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises...

Yakster

We need a groan button. 

silvermouse

peter4jc

Today's Stock Market Report:

Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remained unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

Wylaff

Wylaff

Wylaff

---

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal". The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

Wylaff

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

webmost

not a chuckle in a carload, here on this page

bandyt09

peter4jc said:

Today's Stock Market Report:

Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remained unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

In my drunken mind sir, you just won the intetnet............

Poopy_Jones

I agree Bandy. Good stuff like that reminds me that it's a punderful life

bandyt09

Poopy_Jones said:

I agree Bandy. Good stuff like that reminds me that it's a punderful life

It reminds me that Peter puts the P U in pun..........

Rolanddeschain

Wylaff