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Dear Santa

VegasFrankVegasFrank Posts: 16,009 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited December 2019 in Non Cigar Related
Dear Santa, 

Frank here.  I know I haven't been the best boy in the world this year, oh great elf.  Yes, I've completed all of my trades and have sent all of my Lotto winnings, though some were kind of late.  I've used naughty words on the message boards and looked at a lot of camel toe pictures.  For these reasons, I won't ask you for anything for myself, since I'm sure all you would get me is a lump of gurkhas.  Instead, I'll ask you for some things that the nice boys and girls on the forum could use.

I'll start with @KenpoKnight, since he was the guy who helped me with my first newbie trade.  Please give him a five pack of something that doesn't suck, because I sure didn't when I traded with him.  

For my good buddy @Bob_Luken, who helped me with my first humidor, please leave a garage light and keep the wind away for the next 25 minutes so he can go through his lighting routine.

My friend Chris @Yakster could use a lottery ticket one of these months, since there's no sign saying employees are not eligible. He might also appreciate an Espinosa Fiver.

Nick @Usaf06 could use a box of Gurkha governor's to bring his cigar quality average closer to the rest of us.  Along those same lines, send him some Smirnoff and a six pack of Pabst blue ribbon.

Orlando @cigarexplorer could use a Bentley or maybach to go along with the padrons he smokes while driving.

David @NorCalR1 NEEDS A NEW HOCKEY TEAM! Just sayin'

Calvin @CalvinAndHobo, or fvcking Calvin as he's known in these parts, could use an indoor place to smoke.  Or some isotoners.  

@Patrickbrick needs some fantasy football lessons because apparently, he's the second best player in his house, AT BEST.

Dan @Far_North_64 doesn't need anything.  Dude's got a smoke shack, a million lottery sticks, and two million other sticks on the way!  

@Trykflyr_1 Paul could use an apprentice mechanic worth a damn and a herf shack like his buddy Dan has....Just walk it down the street to his house!

@IndustMech needs Doritos.  He's running low, I hear (actually, I don't hear, lately).

@ExpendableYouth needs either a camera for the vherf or a camera stand for the one he has, so we can see his bright and shining face on the vherf...

@0patience Tony could use a fiver of Don Lino Africa's, since it's the only Camaroon he's never tried, and (yet another) new ashtray.  And he needs a rookie to bomb him...

@peter4jc needs some newbs to join with dumb questions.  Actually, we all need that so we can read Peter's funny replies.   

@silvermouse Edward still needs that camera phone.....or instructions on how to use it.  Better dust off that 20,000 awesomes badge too....

@cbuck Charles needs an alarm clock with a longer snooze button.  He's the first one up every day!

Of course, don't forget to send Michael @Guitarded a six pack of Dragon's Milk.  Wait, he's a Blackhawks fan; better send him 12....

Thank you for sending @Heavysetrapier an ohio quarterback last year, santa.  He's the first good qb in the SEC since Tim Tebow.  Maybe this year you can send him a defense so his tigers have a chance...

@CharlieHeis needs some more beer.  Ok, who am I kidding, that's not true, but he definitely WANTS some more beer!

Be sure to send Jimmy @JGruvey a towel to cry in when his 50 win pacers go down in the first round of the playoffs this year.  

@Stubble could use some ammo.  Just kidding, santa, he has plenty!  But still send him the ammo....

@Significant3 has smoked so many damn good cigars this year, that he's GOT TO BE running low.  Send him a bomb from all of the forum members ...I hear he's got tons of humidor space right now.

@TheCigarChick and @timb need vacations....and a thank you note from all of us at the forum...

Of course, @Bigshizza could use some pain meds...get well soon buddy.

@danielzreyes probably wants a new driver and six new burner profiles for when he is bored.

I was going to ask for some 5 Vegas Gold's for my buddy @jd50ae but it looks like you already took care of those....nice work!

Finally Santa, don't forget about my buddy Ricky @Rhamlin.  He needs, well, help....

And if you have any room left in your big bag, oh supreme elf, I wouldn't mind if that sock porn thread disappeared, along with that guy selling that CAO ashtray....

Thanks big guy!
Don't look ↑


  • VegasFrankVegasFrank Posts: 16,009 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Yeah, thanks @TBonz!
    Don't look ↑
  • NorCalR1NorCalR1 Posts: 4,197 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @VegasFrank Santa got you a football team and have made another excuse for a boys trip to LV

    If you want to bomb me send it to Tony @0patience :D
    If you are a newbie I got Dem nachos....

  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Dear Santa
    Thank you for the BBC and a ton of Dr Who Christmas specials, and more.
  • silvermousesilvermouse Posts: 18,234 ✭✭✭✭✭
    You are going to wonder how you got along without the Perfect Draw.
  • YaksterYakster Posts: 24,413 ✭✭✭✭✭
    You are going to wonder how you got along without the Perfect Draw.

    Saved my New World Cameroon today.
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today. 

                  Join us on the New Zoom vHerf (Meeting # 2619860114 Password vHerf2020 )
  • cigarexplorercigarexplorer Posts: 957 ✭✭✭✭✭
    haha, this is awesome! well done @VegasFrank.. Merry Christmas!
  • RhamlinRhamlin Posts: 8,873 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Great thread!
  • dirtdudedirtdude Posts: 5,558 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Fvckin hilarious Frank, well done
    A little dirt never hurt
  • TheCigarChickTheCigarChick Moderator Posts: 280 mod
    edited December 2019
    @VegasFrank, this was adorable. Thank you for sharing!
  • cbuckcbuck Posts: 8,231 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Let's review:
    Steve got his ammo, Edward took a picture, Michael got his Dragons Milk, we have newbies posting humidor questions for Peter (and it may very well be DZR doing it), and Ricky was drinking scotch ("help") last night.  Watch out Orlando, I'm MAGIC!  Watch out Nick, I see some Cuban sandwiches in your future!
    And Charlie is still the first up! I enjoyed that Frank!
  • Poker_SlobPoker_Slob Posts: 1,269 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Awesome Frank...you're one in a million. Take that reference however you want.
  • JGruveyJGruvey Posts: 627 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Forum 5er and a team towel on the Pacers winning round 1?
    Great thread this was hilarious. 😂
  • JGruveyJGruvey Posts: 627 ✭✭✭✭✭

    I guess I need an F*ing towel 😂😭😂. How many of these did you get right lol?

  • TNBigfoot68TNBigfoot68 Posts: 2,737 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Don't know how I. Missed this when it was posted, but I greatly enjoyed it, and see that not much has changed in a year..

    I was born a fool, and just got bigger!
  • rsherman24rsherman24 Posts: 6,549 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @VegasFrank if an FBI profiler

  • Usaf06Usaf06 Posts: 10,777 ✭✭✭✭✭

    How did I miss this last year. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

    "I drink a great deal. I sleep a little, and I smoke cigar after cigar. That is why I am in two-hundred-percent form."
    -- Winston Churchill

    "LET'S GO FRANCIS"     Peter

  • Trykflyr_1Trykflyr_1 Posts: 2,500 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited September 2020

    You forgot that one paragraph about yourself... those glasses are epic!

    I'm still troubled by what I did for that Klondike bar...
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