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What’s the best drunk story you Remember?

RhamlinRhamlin WVPosts: 7,746 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited December 2019 in General Discussion
The one with the most votes up wins. What do you win? Who knows, could be Gurkhas, could be Davidoff.  
PS I don’t own Any Gurkhas. 
Contest ends tomorrow night at midnight EST..
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  • YaksterYakster I'm on a Buying Freeze / I sent the Coffee Filters!Posts: 13,480 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today.

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  • TX98Z28TX98Z28 TexasPosts: 2,044 ✭✭✭✭✭
     B)  B)B)
    If you quote me do the @TX98Z28 in your text or I won't be notified of your quote, Thanks.
  • First_WarriorFirst_Warrior N.C. MountainsPosts: 2,124 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I was going to get drunk but could not find my vodka. While I was in Vietnam on a little hilltop I received a package from a childhood friend. The package was a bottle of vodka in a box packed in foam. We were going out on a three day combat patrol so I hid the vodka by digging a hole out by our barb wire in front of my fighting hole. The patrol was three days of climbing hills and no contact except for hitting a minefield and losing three Marines. Upon coming back into our hilltop I grabbed my shovel and went out at night to dig up my vodka . I dug where I thought it was buried and no luck.I ended up digging up the whole front of my hole and no luck. I suppose that bottle of vodka is still buried on a little hill top  in Vietnam.   
    The Native Peoples of the Americas gave tobacco to the world.
  • webmostwebmost Dull-AwarePosts: 6,639 ✭✭✭✭✭

    In 1975, my schooner Eurydice was anchored in Lelu Harbor, Kosrae, Caroline Islands, Micronesia. If you haven't a clue where that is, next big thing West is Indonesia. Out of the way? The copra ship dropped by every two years. A fuel barge made the rounds twice a year. You might have a yacht come visit once every two months. A little missionary plane tried to make it every couple weeks from Ponpei with a mail bag.


    One day, a 45’ ketch motored thru the pass. Turned out to be chartered out of Ponpei; two stewardesses and a Navy quartermaster who had been retired off a nuclear submarine by heart problems. I forget right this moment what surgery they had done on him; but it resulted in limpdick, which they had solved with a bulb implanted in his **** to inflate his member. The stewardesses liked the way he could stay up as long as they liked. So they were tooting round together on vacay for a lark.


    We all four visited a beach. I got to talking to him about amazing nuke sub features. The gals thought we should have paid them more attention. But that’s all another story.


    Anyhoo, we returned from the beach, the missionary had arrived, the gals wanted to bug out by plane, the quartermaster followed them, they all squeezed into the jumped up Piper Cub somehow and flew back to Ponpei. The ketch’s skipper was a young lubber hired by the ketch owner who had fled back to the states. Skip felt basically marooned without someone to help him hand the ketch. Begged me to help get the craft back to harbor. Away I went.


    Indeed, he had no clue how to balance the ketch using the mizzen; so he was under the impression you had to steer the critter 24/7. He would turn in leaving me on watch, I would balance her up, then he’d hear me wandering round the deck scrubbing here, fishing there, come up and find me reading or napping. Was a jaw dropper to him. But, this kid was the skipper, so I tried to be good crew: never in the way and never out of it. If he'd known anything how to self-steer, he wouldn't have needed me. But then, he prolly would have died.


    See, here’s the thing: We fell into doldrums. In a few days, we got to drifting round. The equatorial counter current goes one way, the eq current the other. It’s tough to know which way you are drifting. So your dead reckoning goes all to hell. Turned out he didn’t have much of a pantry. We ran flat out of stores. How any idiot goes to sea without a year worth of ramen or rice or corned beef in cans aboard is a mystery to me. Turns out his water tank was more suited to a weekend yacht club than a seagoing cruiser. It is no exaggeration to say that if my native buddy (my Taio) Sigrah Glenn had not pressed me to take a big burlap sack of his jungle grown tangerines, we would have died of thirst. Turned out the ketch had no water catcher; but it didn’t rain much on this voyage anyways. Engine crapped out, of course(I saw more cruises come to an end because of engines than for all other reasons combined … not even close). Had to suck the last drops from the water tank thru tubes, cause his galley pump was electric! Electric! Could not navigate cause all’s he had was Loran-C -- again, electric. Nope; not so much as a plastic sextant. Holy hell.


    Along came the day when we could make out the sky shadow of some distant island, but did not have enough wind to even raise it out of the sea. Belly was rubbing it’s sides together. Lips were cracking. I decided it was time for a minor mutiny. So I broke a hand mirror & glued a bit of that onto the biggest plastic protractor in the chart desk, tied as nut to a string, fastened the other end of the string to the center of the protractor crosspiece, so that now the nut plus gravity would extend the string toward Earth center, & by pinching it at the protractor I had a rough measurement. Course, the doldrums are always cloudy; so I had to account for some bend thru clouds. I don’t insist any of this was accurate. But I had brought Ageton’s tables with me (I didn’t know why I instinctively felt I should, until that day), and I had Dad’s old self-winding watch, which I had a pretty good idea how many seconds that would have lost since last check by radio. And as I recall, the sky shadow even came into the reckoning as prolly being some dot of an isle whose name I do not recall. Then the discussion went like: “You clearly do not have a clue. I’m thirsty. I figure we need to turn thataways, considering leeway. Otherwise, this rate, we’re two weeks from Yap and no guarantee we bump into it.” Not much resistance. I think by this time he had lost all respect for his own skippership and would have mutinied against himself. Caught a squall that night that helped… bit of water and loads of wind… for a few, anyways. Couple nights later picked up some dim loom. Worked until late afternoon to get ourselves in front of the pass. Drifted away. Next afternoon finally entered the pass. We were literally waggling the booms to swim the ketch thru still air. Dropped anchor, all we could think of was beer and food. I had on a pair of goat skin shorts. Stuck a hundred dollar bill in the waistband and leapt over. First guy I saw on shore, I announced: “We need to get to any place serves food and beer.” I don’t remember where he took us. I do think when we got there I hollered something along the lines of bring us every thing and all your beers until the money runs out. Long time ago – hundred bucks went further then. Ponpei is a tourist trap compared to Kosrae.


    Now here comes the drunk part: I have no idea how drunk we were… sorry ... not much of a drunk story there. But I am pretty certain sure we were happy drunks. That night, the two of us woke up in the back of a pickup watching the moon behind clouds flitting thru tree branches, bouncing down some dirt road. Then we blacked out again. Came to next morning dumped on the beach. Shorts tight, belly swollen, glad to be alive.


    Best damn beer I ever drank.




    I should tell you about the school teacher from Iowa vacationing in Ponpei who I met while I was waiting for the missionary plane to go its rounds. I was sleeping in this tourist hut, and I heard someone playing the zither in the distance, and followed the magical sound....


    Nah, yer not sposed to kiss and tell.



    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • PatrickbrickPatrickbrick Lake Zurich IlPosts: 5,734 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Paul wins
    "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give".  Winston Churchill.
    MOW badge received.
  • dirtdudedirtdude Green ValleyPosts: 5,102 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I don't always drink to excess...but when I do my memory lets me off the hook everytime
    A little dirt never hurt
  • YaksterYakster I'm on a Buying Freeze / I sent the Coffee Filters!Posts: 13,480 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today.

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  • GuitardedGuitarded AlbuquerquePosts: 4,210 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I vaguely remember volunteering to wear a romper for a weekend herf if someone bought my airfare. 🥴
    For more details see @Patrickbrick on the vherf.
    Friends don't let good friends smoke cheap cigars.
  • RhamlinRhamlin WVPosts: 7,746 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I know there’s more stories out there. 5 hours and 15 minutes left 
  • deadmandeadman Midland, NCPosts: 6,080 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Trish said:
    I'm not in it for any contest...
    Shots of  Irish whiskey all night at my local watering hole. On my way out of the restroom suddenly can't walk down a long hallway from the bathroom. My roommate drives off with some random so the "Norm" of the bar says don't worry I have a CDL I can drive you. We pull into my drive that is a long R shape with trees lining the sides. He tries to park in the garage and ends up stuck between trees and my front pillar. Dipshit is pulling a Jim Carey hitting house then trees repeatedly before saying I'm stuck. In the passenger seat with feet on the dash head between my hands I make him gun it out if the driveway. Send him on in his way as the roommate and I are home safe. Wake up with alcohol poisoning to find close to 10k in damages to the house, 8k for the car. Take myself to home depot and grab chicken wire, stucco and paint. Still hungover I Bob the builder that **** so well landlord never noticed and got full security deposit back.  😂

    Just one of MANY stories...
    I knew T would have a good one.
  • silvermousesilvermouse Cape CodPosts: 10,067 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I was drunk from 1972 to 1985.
  • Amos_UmwhatAmos_Umwhat West TNPosts: 5,682 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Drunk story, mmm.. can't be sure the statute of limitations has run out. 

    I just wanted to say to @Trish nice to see you posting again.  I was worried you were imprisoned and your auto mechanic was missing and presumed dead.
    WARNING:  The above post may contain thoughts or ideas known to the State of Caliphornia to cause seething rage, confusion, distemper, nausea, perspiration, sphincter release, or cranial implosion to persons who implicitly trust only one news source, or find themselves at either the left or right political extreme.  Proceed at your own risk.  

    "There is nothing so in need of reforming as another person's bad habits."   Mark Twain
  • TrishTrish Surface of the sun AZPosts: 1,913 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Drunk story, mmm.. can't be sure the statute of limitations has run out. 

    I just wanted to say to @Trish nice to see you posting again.  I was worried you were imprisoned and your auto mechanic was missing and presumed dead.
    Well nobody has seen him around... the story people tell is that he quit, but did he....? We'll go with that  😝

    Good to see you guys,  thanks for the open arms!!
  • RhamlinRhamlin WVPosts: 7,746 ✭✭✭✭✭
    There we were....   Summer of1985, what my bud & I dubbed the All England Road Trip. Friday night after work we'd fill my 260Z with gas, toss a couple cases of beer in and run till one or the other ran out.  I don't ever remember running out of gas.  
    We're in Great Yarmouth, about 60 miles from the base, around 2 AM after leaving this after hours club (the pubs closed at 11 PM) and headed home with a few beverages in us.  My car's left hand drive, Brit's are right hand.  We're stopped at the only red light on the island (virtually all their intersections are roundabouts) in the left lane when a VW Bug with 2 lasses in it pulls up on my right.  Passenger side to passenger side, so my bud, ever the gentleman, reaches out, hands a couple cold ones across and says "Have a nice day."  Girl pulls off her top, tosses it back and says " Catch us..."  as her friend launches through the light.  The chase is on and the game afoot!
    They saw the roundabout, I didn't.  Around they go and I hit the raised middle going at the speed of smell.  Blow out BOTH front tires and I've only got 1 spare. Look around and there's a Z car parked in a gas station.  "Borrowed" a front wheel, left 20 pounds & an apology note under the wiper and vanished.  Fastest three tire changes in history. Went back the next afternoon and gave their tire back.  
    How we didn't get busted is anyone's guess.  Never did catch that bug either. I keep in touch with my bud and know he still has that shirt as a trophy all these years later.
      
    Looks like Paul is the winner with 12 votes. 
  • Trykflyr_1Trykflyr_1 north pole, alaskaPosts: 1,091 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Thanks, Ricky!   Great contest!  That's the Reader's Digest condensed version...  
    I'm still troubled by what I did for that Klondike bar...
  • YaksterYakster I'm on a Buying Freeze / I sent the Coffee Filters!Posts: 13,480 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Congrats Paul, really enjoyed this thread. Most of my stories feature Olde English 800 Talls, a beer bong, and end in vomiting.

    One New Year's past, I was drinking my home brewed mead and blacked out only to wake up in the hotel room to find I had vomited on the bed.
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today.

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  • Trykflyr_1Trykflyr_1 north pole, alaskaPosts: 1,091 ✭✭✭✭✭
    ^^^^^   But did you still have both kidneys??? 
    I'm still troubled by what I did for that Klondike bar...
  • YaksterYakster I'm on a Buying Freeze / I sent the Coffee Filters!Posts: 13,480 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Yes, as far as I know.
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today.

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  • curtpickcurtpick nunyobusynezPosts: 2,761 ✭✭✭
    To drunk to remember
    Family, Friends, Golf, Cigars, Fine Whiskey, Good beer.... is there anything else ?  Follow on instagram @crguy1961
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