Wives and Smoking
newbiesmoker24
Posts: 94
I saw some posts about wives and smoking. Is there anyone out there who is:
A) Still happily married and
Your wife DOES NOT share and/or love your hobby of cigar smoking?
If so, what are some good suggestions on how to keep the peace, the marriage, and still keep your hobby? (I know I am going to get some smart a$$ responses here, but some creative ideas mixed in would be appreciated!) :-)
Your wife DOES NOT share and/or love your hobby of cigar smoking?
If so, what are some good suggestions on how to keep the peace, the marriage, and still keep your hobby? (I know I am going to get some smart a$$ responses here, but some creative ideas mixed in would be appreciated!) :-) 0
Comments
Now that the smartass answer is out of the way...
My girlfriend does not typically indulge but does support my hobby. She occasionally gets annoyed when she thinks I spend too much time with cigars, which is valid because a decent smoke can last anywhere from an hour to two hours. I try to make sure that she comes first, so we'll hang out and spend time together before I go light one up.
For the married folks, one thing I've read a lot is the amount of money spent on cigars. Some people work around that with separate bank accounts, etc. I guess the overall lesson I've learned (personally and from the forum) is to communicate with your spouse that this is something you are passionate about. Anyone that loves you should realize and respect that.
And keeping separate bank accounts helps too. My wife is pretty cool when it comes to my hobbies. Just gotta remember to take one for the team every once in a while and do something she wants. (depresses me just thinkin about it
1. My football watching days are limited and replaced by watching Dora and Wonder Pets. (two girls ages 4 and 2)
2. My guys night out have been replaced with her invited her co-workers and their kids over on a Friday night and I have to entertain while they are drinking my booze.
3. My golf. . . well, don't even get me started. I played in college and used to be good. Upper 60's to lower 70's. If I shot 74 I was ready to shoot myself. Now, I play in a year what I used to play in a month, if not less.
4. In-laws. Need I say more.
I basically said that if you take my cigars away, my last and only source of relaxation and feeling like a guy, that I'd have a nervous breakdown. One-two hours a few days a week after the kids go to bed is not too much to ask for. She gave in and now really doesn't question it anymore. That and my dad has estimated that he has had now about 37,000 cigars in his life and she knows it's in my blood.
"Long ashes my friends."
Neither of us smokes in the house and weather is now becoming an issue as I do not have a garage and we smoke out on the patio.
The final issue, that of how many cigars to buy, she has input and I TRY to stick to a reasonable cigar budget.
For us, she'll never ask me to quit, but she wants me to keep the annual average to around 1-2 per week, and rarely questions me on the cost becuase I do that myself. Also, I smoke outside only, and always change at least my shirt/jacket when I'm done and come in. Especially now that we have a little one. But again she'll never ask me to quit becuase its important to me, even though she thinks its lame. I think designer Jeans and expensive shoes and purses are retarded, but thats her thing so I give her more leeway there than I would have otherwise. That seems to work for us as long as I don't push it.
Each couple is different though, but if smoking is a thing you won't give up, tell her that, but then try to figure out why it bothers her and work to address the reason it bugs her. You'll probably need to negotiate the quantity, the time you smoke, or the cost or something. But you won't have to quit and then your both on the same page and its not a "thing" anymore everytime you want to grab a cigar. Nothing like a dirty look on the way out the door to kill the mood to light one up.
Lately, she has joined me outside when I'm smoking. I try to keep her upwind. Surprise, surprise, she liked the aroma of the MOW Ruination. I'd like to get some Acids just to see how she likes those aromas. I'm always up front with her when I buy something, and she is with me. The main emphasis is on communication.
Well, it turned out that I loved it so much, and my smoking gradually increased to 1 or more a day. When she started trying to "enforce" that limit, and get on me about it, I sat down with her and had a serious conversation along the lines of: I am a grown man, and though she may not like it, I am perfectly capable of regulating my own smoking, and my own purchasing. I maintain our finances, and know where our money is at all times, and so I am not buying cigars irresponsibly. I also told her that if it was ever something she absolutely could not stand, then I'd quit - short of that, I'd found a new passion.
Since then (and it's been over a year), she still doesn't love it, but treats it pretty much as a "boys will be boys" kind of mentality. Added to that is the fact that I really haven't bought cigars for months (bar the once-in-a-blue-moon at the b&m), it's become almost a non-issue. I'd say that really, it's just a matter of time - if you're comfortable in your marriage, and are devoted to each other, I think she will eventually develop some level of comfort with it.
¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
I dunno that god would be that high on my list but... My wife hates smoking. My best friend smokes but I got him a pipe and with our weekly game nights it helps. I smoke in the house but in my office then in my garage. She's never been mad at me or anything however she thinks I have too many cigars. I smoked before we met so that's my out. If I started afterward it may be a different story. I know a lot of guys battle with their wives over it, but some are really supportive and buy them stuff, sometimes good stuff. My wife is in-between. For xmas she gets me stuff but only because I tell her what to get. It be nice for her to get to know more about my hobby but hey, it could be worse.
Decompressed and lower stress husband = less grumpy husband, which in turn = happier houshold.
Also, I try not to smoke in any enclosed area... smokign outdoros seems to help the smoke to not get into my clothes too badly. Additionally, I always keep in mind what it was like to kiss a smoker before I took up the hobby, and make liberal use of toothpaste, mouthwash and breath mints & gum after I smoke.
So to summarize, 1) try to get her to understand WHY you smoke cigars, and 2) try to be as considerate as you can when you do.
Hope this helps some. Good luck, and welcome to the forums!