Forum Respect Part 2
Ken_Light
Posts: 3,537 ✭✭✭
This is in no way intended to subvert, mock, or demean the post by Tina E, which I 100% agree with: we should not actively try to attack one another on here. I just have something to add.
Respect needs to go two ways: both in writing and in reading. When you read a post by a member who has been posting here for long enough that we have a sense of his or her character as a generally amiable person who isn't try to hurt others, you need to respect that history before flying off the handle and shouting accusations.
This has happened twice recently that I have seen: once to me and once to catfish. He was accused of racism, I was accused of condoning rape. Really, guys? Do you think those are accurate based on our body of work here? Our overall character?
If something seems offensive to you, have some respect and do one of the following:
1) If you don't know the person's character, reserve judgment.
2) If you know the statement to be out of character, send a PM.
3) If the person is new here and it seems blatant, contact someone to report them.
That's it, guys, just show a little respect and there will be no more going on 3-page tirades about a bad joke or a misunderstanding.
Respect needs to go two ways: both in writing and in reading. When you read a post by a member who has been posting here for long enough that we have a sense of his or her character as a generally amiable person who isn't try to hurt others, you need to respect that history before flying off the handle and shouting accusations.
This has happened twice recently that I have seen: once to me and once to catfish. He was accused of racism, I was accused of condoning rape. Really, guys? Do you think those are accurate based on our body of work here? Our overall character?
If something seems offensive to you, have some respect and do one of the following:
1) If you don't know the person's character, reserve judgment.
2) If you know the statement to be out of character, send a PM.
3) If the person is new here and it seems blatant, contact someone to report them.
That's it, guys, just show a little respect and there will be no more going on 3-page tirades about a bad joke or a misunderstanding.
^Troll: DO NOT FEED.
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Comments
you dont know anyones character,you dont anyones background, so why say something that would remotely get you into that sitaution in the first place?
you guys get yourselves into these situations,i have a saying "think for five minutes in front of your face"
just because you been posting and what not does not mean you guys are boy scouts
ones charactor is not based on bombs, trades, or pifs, that one always gets me "you dont know what i have done for the forum" so that excuses anyones racist comment? does that excuse that anyone or everyone from picking on someone? does that excuse anyone from anything that is inappropriate or doragatory? no it does not
2) If you know the statement to be out of character, send a PM. why take it to P/M? it is or was posted publicly where they not? by making those statements in public, you put yourself out there, taking it private leads to misleading the general forum about ones character because its a known fact the way people act on the open forum is not always the same way they act in a P/M,
they generally are worse,peoples true intensions come out, stuff that would hurt publicly is always tried to be kept in P/M's,
it's very simple, watch what you say plain and simple, it's an open forum dont think for any miinute that one is not responsible for ones postings.
we are responsible for our postings.
i have no idea what a persons religion, ethnic group, or anything about any one on here, so i dont get into any of those type of discussions.
and as for my accusasion, i didnt post the comment, so in reality he accused himself,
i like how you try to play it off as a bad joke,or misunderstanding, so a racial comment is a joke or misunderstanding? yeah i dont think so
i dont know anything about what ever you said in any posting about rape, dont care either thats a subject that should not ever be discussed in a cigar forum, thats an arena that a cigar based forum should not ever enter,
you guys want respect? act respectable and earn it!
dont want to be accused of something? think before you post, your friends may back you, but you guys dont make the forum as a whole your a part of it just like everyone else
this posting above is basicly saying give us respect because we have a high post count, thats incorrect, be respectable and earn it plain and simple,
also someone who is new is usaullay never the offender , but the defender from the people who demand respect other then earning it from them, new or old respect is earned not given, so this should read, no#3 If the person is new here or is a existing member and it seems blatant, contact someone to report them.
and if respect is given by how many postings, then respect should be given by how long a person has been here, dont you think?
I agree that if anyone is offended pm's are an appropriate first step. No one wants to come to a forum where we all enjoy the same hobby and have fun only to find strings of arguments and whatnot. Pms can be used to clear up an argument out of sight, so to speak. It is usually only between 2 people anyway, and letting a whole group have access to the dialogue can be messy and is just unneccesary.
We dont use pm's to pretend like disagreement/offense never happens, thatd be silly. It just makes it easier to move on afterward: the two parties can work it out, and hopefully get past it. It's harder to move past an agument when it's out in the open and be be brought up/re-read at anytime (even by those who werent even involved at all)
Of course, public apologies are one possible remedy. Maybe something happened that offended a bunch of people, amd a public apology is called for.
anyway, Ithink ken made some good points. We wont allalways get alog, but through mutual respect and trying to resolve conflicts at the appropriate level (one on one whenever possible) we can do a pretty good job most of the time.
In short, I'm not excusing racism, I'm telling you to try and see how it might not have been racist. And I can't say this strongly enough: you've handled yourself terribly here and have treated members of the forum with terrible disrespect. If you have no respect for people, please see yourself to the door.
i dont post on everything so show me what i have done recently that i have disrespected anyone?
and observe carefully when i question something you guys get defensive and go on the attack, so i am not allowed defend myself? because the person i am hold accountable is your friend?
so show me ken? this is the first interaction whith you and in all honesty half the people that came his defence i have never dealt with let alone said boo to them
and ken you dont TELL me how took look at something, your not me.
and as far as i seen,i have seen said members have disrespected me first all i do is return the favor, so please enlighten me ken, other the most them being your friends your trying to support them show where i disrespected the guys that have disrespected me?
and thats you answer? if i dont like being belittled by racist people i can leave? that is what your saying with out saying correct?
i have no respect for people who dont deserve it, and if you notice i dont post on everything no need to,there are plenty of people to post the same thing in regards to a cigar, or humi help
i have never asked or demanded anyones respect, nor do i give it freely, if you come to me with a attitude ill give it right back, if i come to you with a attitude then i dont expect you to be not so peachy to me, its very simple you show me and ill show you why we expect respect from each other, by our own actions, and so far my actions never deemed any racists comments or any cheap shots, but i wont be bullied into not defending myself, and thats what getting people upset
(Common diversion strategy used on another site when arguments got a little heated).
why was it posted? dont know its not a official posting by a c.com mod, its a posting my a member, who seems to want to justify ones actions, so your misunderstood there, i was moving forwrd, until i read his posting
It's still open season on male, white Christians beatnic.
We have all said things here which either could have been stated better or which was not taken by the forum the way it was intended to come across.
However we all seem to be guilty of wanting everyone to be accepting and not overly sensitive to our opinions or comments while we read things into what others say, without maybe returning the respect of listening and trying to understand a persons point of view. In other words we are all guilty of not following the Golden Rule.
Having some members here constantly inviting others to leave is very arrogant and should not be accepted by the forum at large. These members may feel they have just cause, but who gave them the authourity to ask people to leave the forums? There has been a posse mentality around here for a while. Confidences have been ignored, things said about others that would never be said in the open. It has all become rather juvenille and the worst perpetrators are hiding behind this veil of being victims.
Perhaps what is needed is a little more attempt to understand others positions (or at least their right to have it) and a lot less sensitivity.