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Forum Respect Part 2

Ken_LightKen_Light Posts: 3,539 ✭✭✭
This is in no way intended to subvert, mock, or demean the post by Tina E, which I 100% agree with: we should not actively try to attack one another on here. I just have something to add.

Respect needs to go two ways: both in writing and in reading. When you read a post by a member who has been posting here for long enough that we have a sense of his or her character as a generally amiable person who isn't try to hurt others, you need to respect that history before flying off the handle and shouting accusations.

This has happened twice recently that I have seen: once to me and once to catfish. He was accused of racism, I was accused of condoning rape. Really, guys? Do you think those are accurate based on our body of work here? Our overall character?

If something seems offensive to you, have some respect and do one of the following:
1) If you don't know the person's character, reserve judgment.
2) If you know the statement to be out of character, send a PM.
3) If the person is new here and it seems blatant, contact someone to report them.

That's it, guys, just show a little respect and there will be no more going on 3-page tirades about a bad joke or a misunderstanding.
^Troll: DO NOT FEED.
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Comments

  • thedjfish@comcast.net[email protected] Posts: 1,692 ✭✭✭
    Ken Light:
    This is in no way intended to subvert, mock, or demean the post by Tina E, which I 100% agree with: we should not actively try to attack one another on here. I just have something to add.

    Respect needs to go two ways: both in writing and in reading. When you read a post by a member who has been posting here for long enough that we have a sense of his or her character as a generally amiable person who isn't try to hurt others, you need to respect that history before flying off the handle and shouting accusations.

    This has happened twice recently that I have seen: once to me and once to catfish. He was accused of racism, I was accused of condoning rape. Really, guys? Do you think those are accurate based on our body of work here? Our overall character?

    If something seems offensive to you, have some respect and do one of the following:
    1) If you don't know the person's character, reserve judgment.
    2) If you know the statement to be out of character, send a PM.
    3) If the person is new here and it seems blatant, contact someone to report them.

    That's it, guys, just show a little respect and there will be no more going on 3-page tirades about a bad joke or a misunderstanding.
    1) If you don't know the person's character, reserve judgment. thats right
    you dont know anyones character,you dont anyones background, so why say something that would remotely get you into that sitaution in the first place?
    you guys get yourselves into these situations,i have a saying "think for five minutes in front of your face"
    just because you been posting and what not does not mean you guys are boy scouts
    ones charactor is not based on bombs, trades, or pifs, that one always gets me "you dont know what i have done for the forum" so that excuses anyones racist comment? does that excuse that anyone or everyone from picking on someone? does that excuse anyone from anything that is inappropriate or doragatory? no it does not
    2) If you know the statement to be out of character, send a PM. why take it to P/M? it is or was posted publicly where they not? by making those statements in public, you put yourself out there, taking it private leads to misleading the general forum about ones character because its a known fact the way people act on the open forum is not always the same way they act in a P/M,
    they generally are worse,peoples true intensions come out, stuff that would hurt publicly is always tried to be kept in P/M's,
    it's very simple, watch what you say plain and simple, it's an open forum dont think for any miinute that one is not responsible for ones postings.
    we are responsible for our postings.
    i have no idea what a persons religion, ethnic group, or anything about any one on here, so i dont get into any of those type of discussions.
    and as for my accusasion, i didnt post the comment, so in reality he accused himself,
    i like how you try to play it off as a bad joke,or misunderstanding, so a racial comment is a joke or misunderstanding? yeah i dont think so
    i dont know anything about what ever you said in any posting about rape, dont care either thats a subject that should not ever be discussed in a cigar forum, thats an arena that a cigar based forum should not ever enter,
    you guys want respect? act respectable and earn it!
    dont want to be accused of something? think before you post, your friends may back you, but you guys dont make the forum as a whole your a part of it just like everyone else
    this posting above is basicly saying give us respect because we have a high post count, thats incorrect, be respectable and earn it plain and simple,
    also someone who is new is usaullay never the offender , but the defender from the people who demand respect other then earning it from them, new or old respect is earned not given, so this should read, no#3 If the person is new here or is a existing member and it seems blatant, contact someone to report them.
    and if respect is given by how many postings, then respect should be given by how long a person has been here, dont you think?
  • Gray4linesGray4lines KentuckyPosts: 4,691 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I thin Ken just meant: give people the benefit of the doubt. I dont believe that he meant to imply that a high post count or other seniority excuses anything. As you said, dj, It absolutely does not. But, if someone has been around for a while, it's possible to look back at theor post history and ask youself, things like, "does this person like to start fights?" Or, "Is this person usually respectful?" and maybe his last post just reads funny.

    I agree that if anyone is offended pm's are an appropriate first step. No one wants to come to a forum where we all enjoy the same hobby and have fun only to find strings of arguments and whatnot. Pms can be used to clear up an argument out of sight, so to speak. It is usually only between 2 people anyway, and letting a whole group have access to the dialogue can be messy and is just unneccesary.

    We dont use pm's to pretend like disagreement/offense never happens, thatd be silly. It just makes it easier to move on afterward: the two parties can work it out, and hopefully get past it. It's harder to move past an agument when it's out in the open and be be brought up/re-read at anytime (even by those who werent even involved at all)

    Of course, public apologies are one possible remedy. Maybe something happened that offended a bunch of people, amd a public apology is called for.

    anyway, Ithink ken made some good points. We wont allalways get alog, but through mutual respect and trying to resolve conflicts at the appropriate level (one on one whenever possible) we can do a pretty good job most of the time.
    LLA - Lancero Lovers of America
  • denniskingdennisking Posts: 3,703 ✭✭✭
    A side note to all of this. There were a bunch of us that left because of some newbie BS bullying which looks to have been remedied on here. Let's hold others accountable.
  • Poker_SlobPoker_Slob Posts: 1,269 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Welcome back Dennis. Wish some of the old guard would come back. This forum has seen it's good times as well as not so good.
  • Ken_LightKen_Light Posts: 3,539 ✭✭✭
    Ken Light:
    This is in no way intended to subvert, mock, or demean the post by Tina E, which I 100% agree with: we should not actively try to attack one another on here. I just have something to add.

    Respect needs to go two ways: both in writing and in reading. When you read a post by a member who has been posting here for long enough that we have a sense of his or her character as a generally amiable person who isn't try to hurt others, you need to respect that history before flying off the handle and shouting accusations.

    This has happened twice recently that I have seen: once to me and once to catfish. He was accused of racism, I was accused of condoning rape. Really, guys? Do you think those are accurate based on our body of work here? Our overall character?

    If something seems offensive to you, have some respect and do one of the following:
    1) If you don't know the person's character, reserve judgment.
    2) If you know the statement to be out of character, send a PM.
    3) If the person is new here and it seems blatant, contact someone to report them.

    That's it, guys, just show a little respect and there will be no more going on 3-page tirades about a bad joke or a misunderstanding.
    1) If you don't know the person's character, reserve judgment. thats right
    you dont know anyones character,you dont anyones background, so why say something that would remotely get you into that sitaution in the first place?
    you guys get yourselves into these situations,i have a saying "think for five minutes in front of your face"
    just because you been posting and what not does not mean you guys are boy scouts
    ones charactor is not based on bombs, trades, or pifs, that one always gets me "you dont know what i have done for the forum" so that excuses anyones racist comment? does that excuse that anyone or everyone from picking on someone? does that excuse anyone from anything that is inappropriate or doragatory? no it does not
    2) If you know the statement to be out of character, send a PM. why take it to P/M? it is or was posted publicly where they not? by making those statements in public, you put yourself out there, taking it private leads to misleading the general forum about ones character because its a known fact the way people act on the open forum is not always the same way they act in a P/M,
    they generally are worse,peoples true intensions come out, stuff that would hurt publicly is always tried to be kept in P/M's,
    it's very simple, watch what you say plain and simple, it's an open forum dont think for any miinute that one is not responsible for ones postings.
    we are responsible for our postings.
    i have no idea what a persons religion, ethnic group, or anything about any one on here, so i dont get into any of those type of discussions.
    and as for my accusasion, i didnt post the comment, so in reality he accused himself,
    i like how you try to play it off as a bad joke,or misunderstanding, so a racial comment is a joke or misunderstanding? yeah i dont think so
    i dont know anything about what ever you said in any posting about rape, dont care either thats a subject that should not ever be discussed in a cigar forum, thats an arena that a cigar based forum should not ever enter,
    you guys want respect? act respectable and earn it!
    dont want to be accused of something? think before you post, your friends may back you, but you guys dont make the forum as a whole your a part of it just like everyone else
    this posting above is basicly saying give us respect because we have a high post count, thats incorrect, be respectable and earn it plain and simple,
    also someone who is new is usaullay never the offender , but the defender from the people who demand respect other then earning it from them, new or old respect is earned not given, so this should read, no#3 If the person is new here or is a existing member and it seems blatant, contact someone to report them.
    and if respect is given by how many postings, then respect should be given by how long a person has been here, dont you think?
    Please, take a deep breath and re-read. Try to comprehend. I'll help. In your case, you were called by the wrong name: "Pedro." Could that be a racist comment? Yes. Could it also be an honest mistake? Yes. All I'm saying is it is disrespectful to jump to the conclusion that it is racist since it came from someone with no prior history of racism on these forums. This isn't about post count because we've contributed more or because we've bombed people (who the f*** cares? you're right about that), it's because chances are someone of poor character would have been run out of here (see Seegar, see also JoeyJoe, see also Aeon) so standing the test of time means something.

    In short, I'm not excusing racism, I'm telling you to try and see how it might not have been racist. And I can't say this strongly enough: you've handled yourself terribly here and have treated members of the forum with terrible disrespect. If you have no respect for people, please see yourself to the door.
    ^Troll: DO NOT FEED.
  • thedjfish@comcast.net[email protected] Posts: 1,692 ✭✭✭
    o.k. ken show me where i treated people poorly?
    i dont post on everything so show me what i have done recently that i have disrespected anyone?
    and observe carefully when i question something you guys get defensive and go on the attack, so i am not allowed defend myself? because the person i am hold accountable is your friend?
    so show me ken? this is the first interaction whith you and in all honesty half the people that came his defence i have never dealt with let alone said boo to them
    and ken you dont TELL me how took look at something, your not me.
    and as far as i seen,i have seen said members have disrespected me first all i do is return the favor, so please enlighten me ken, other the most them being your friends your trying to support them show where i disrespected the guys that have disrespected me?
    and thats you answer? if i dont like being belittled by racist people i can leave? that is what your saying with out saying correct?
    i have no respect for people who dont deserve it, and if you notice i dont post on everything no need to,there are plenty of people to post the same thing in regards to a cigar, or humi help
  • pelirrojopelirrojo Farmington, NMPosts: 1,759 ✭✭✭
    What's with the bottom line of your bio Joe? Doesn't seem very respectful to me. I've always felt the golden rule trumps everything. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Accusations and tirades won't get anyone very far when it comes to respect.
  • Ken_LightKen_Light Posts: 3,539 ✭✭✭
    o.k. ken show me where i treated people poorly?
    i dont post on everything so show me what i have done recently that i have disrespected anyone?
    and observe carefully when i question something you guys get defensive and go on the attack, so i am not allowed defend myself? because the person i am hold accountable is your friend?
    so show me ken? this is the first interaction whith you and in all honesty half the people that came his defence i have never dealt with let alone said boo to them
    and ken you dont TELL me how took look at something, your not me.
    and as far as i seen,i have seen said members have disrespected me first all i do is return the favor, so please enlighten me ken, other the most them being your friends your trying to support them show where i disrespected the guys that have disrespected me?
    PM sent.
    ^Troll: DO NOT FEED.
  • thedjfish@comcast.net[email protected] Posts: 1,692 ✭✭✭
    pelirrojo:
    What's with the bottom line of your bio Joe? Doesn't seem very respectful to me. I've always felt the golden rule trumps everything. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Accusations and tirades won't get anyone very far when it comes to respect.
    your right, doing unothers as they have done to you , your right, so what part of your own statement did you not get?
    i have never asked or demanded anyones respect, nor do i give it freely, if you come to me with a attitude ill give it right back, if i come to you with a attitude then i dont expect you to be not so peachy to me, its very simple you show me and ill show you why we expect respect from each other, by our own actions, and so far my actions never deemed any racists comments or any cheap shots, but i wont be bullied into not defending myself, and thats what getting people upset
  • curtpickcurtpick nunyobusynezPosts: 2,763 ✭✭✭
    How bout those Cubs !!! If People cant communicate in a civil manner then simply don't communicate.. Internet forums are a hard place to try and distinguish intention, emotion, and thought . Everyone ( adults) should understand that. Really its quite simple, if your thin skinned, or easily offended it isn't because of a forum. Its your personality on and off line. So if your an ass your an ass. Keep that in mind when posting. Think before posting. Re-read and re-read it and edit it if you have to before you post. And if its not civil, don't post it. Really that simple. And this is intended for all of us !! Lets have some fun !
    Family, Friends, Golf, Cigars, Fine Whiskey, Good beer.... is there anything else ?  Follow on instagram @crguy1961
  • raisindotraisindot BostonPosts: 1,311 ✭✭✭
    Do you like bacon? What kind of bacon is your favorite? Some like Canadian, some like American. If your religion or belief system doesn't allow you to eat bacon, what's another favorite food of yours?

    (Common diversion strategy used on another site when arguments got a little heated). :)
  • pelirrojopelirrojo Farmington, NMPosts: 1,759 ✭✭✭
    No I don't think you understand. Do unto other as YOU WOULD have them do unto you. You are supposed to treat people the way you would like to be treated(future), not how they have treated you in the past. Lead by example kind of thing. If you don't get along with someone, avoid them. I'm not trying to pick on you. I'm saying that perhaps, rather than blowing up, taking a step back to examine the situation reasonably and trying to solve it amicably is usually the best option.
  • thedjfish@comcast.net[email protected] Posts: 1,692 ✭✭✭
    cubs suck!!!LOL
  • curtpickcurtpick nunyobusynezPosts: 2,763 ✭✭✭
    cubs suck!!!LOL
    Damn you you say !!! LOL
    Family, Friends, Golf, Cigars, Fine Whiskey, Good beer.... is there anything else ?  Follow on instagram @crguy1961
  • thedjfish@comcast.net[email protected] Posts: 1,692 ✭✭✭
    pelirrojo, i did take a stand back from it, i had not said anything about it, if this posting was not posted i wouldnt be posting about it, i didnt rekindle it, it was better left alone,
    why was it posted? dont know its not a official posting by a c.com mod, its a posting my a member, who seems to want to justify ones actions, so your misunderstood there, i was moving forwrd, until i read his posting
  • thedjfish@comcast.net[email protected] Posts: 1,692 ✭✭✭
    raisindot:
    Do you like bacon? What kind of bacon is your favorite? Some like Canadian, some like American. If your religion or belief system doesn't allow you to eat bacon, what's another favorite food of yours?

    (Common diversion strategy used on another site when arguments got a little heated). :)
    i actually like canadian better then american, alot less oily/greasy, im not heated over it, its a discussion, if someone else then thats them, cubs still suck !!!
  • brianetz1brianetz1 St. Louis, MOPosts: 4,135 ✭✭✭
    cubs suck!!!LOL
    i can agree with that.....cards rule.
  • beatnicbeatnic Posts: 4,133
    Sticks and stone my break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I learned that as a kid. Some of you cats are a bit too sensitive. Did you hear the one about the white guy? Can we still make jokes about them? Jeez. Its starting to sound like a bunch of women. Oops, may have offended someone.
  • thedjfish@comcast.net[email protected]comcast.net Posts: 1,692 ✭✭✭
    ken, dont know if you sent p/m but dont have it
  • curtpickcurtpick nunyobusynezPosts: 2,763 ✭✭✭
    brianetz1:
    cubs suck!!!LOL
    i can agree with that.....cards rule.
    Oh a cards fan eh.... Pfffffffttttt ....... :)
    Family, Friends, Golf, Cigars, Fine Whiskey, Good beer.... is there anything else ?  Follow on instagram @crguy1961
  • curtpickcurtpick nunyobusynezPosts: 2,763 ✭✭✭
    raisindot:
    Do you like bacon? What kind of bacon is your favorite? Some like Canadian, some like American. If your religion or belief system doesn't allow you to eat bacon, what's another favorite food of yours?

    (Common diversion strategy used on another site when arguments got a little heated). :)
    i actually like canadian better then american, alot less oily/greasy, im not heated over it, its a discussion, if someone else then thats them, cubs still suck !!!
    Kind of think McDonald egg Mcmuffins ruined the Canadian Bacon lover in me. Kind of like a White owl if ya know what I mean..... Must be a damned Sox fan.... geezzzz.... lol
    Family, Friends, Golf, Cigars, Fine Whiskey, Good beer.... is there anything else ?  Follow on instagram @crguy1961
  • thedjfish@comcast.net[email protected] Posts: 1,692 ✭✭✭
    beatnic:
    Sticks and stone my break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I learned that as a kid. Some of you cats are a bit too sensitive. Did you hear the one about the white guy? Can we still make jokes about them? Jeez. Its starting to sound like a bunch of women. Oops, may have offended someone.
    sorry but when it comes to racial things i find that very offensive, in todays day and age theres really no room for any of that, i go thru a company wide "sex race, religion program" my company demands it sinces its mandated by any and all companies/businesses by the EEOC,every 6 months we have a class every company has to at least once a yr. and this came up because a former manager and supervisor made a joke to one of my fellow employees that was deemed racsist, people fired company fined
  • catfishbluezzcatfishbluezz Posts: 7,001
    beatnic:
    Sticks and stone my break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I learned that as a kid. Some of you cats are a bit too sensitive. Did you hear the one about the white guy? Can we still make jokes about them? Jeez. Its starting to sound like a bunch of women. Oops, may have offended someone.
    Racist...I'm angry now and will tell everyone about it.
  • thedjfish@comcast.net[email protected] Posts: 1,692 ✭✭✭
    curtpick:
    raisindot:
    Do you like bacon? What kind of bacon is your favorite? Some like Canadian, some like American. If your religion or belief system doesn't allow you to eat bacon, what's another favorite food of yours?

    (Common diversion strategy used on another site when arguments got a little heated). :)
    i actually like canadian better then american, alot less oily/greasy, im not heated over it, its a discussion, if someone else then thats them, cubs still suck !!!
    Kind of think McDonald egg Mcmuffins ruined the Canadian Bacon lover in me. Kind of like a White owl if ya know what I mean..... Must be a damned Sox fan.... geezzzz.... lol
    nope havent been a fan of any team for yrs. they both suck, sox even more so when the changes the stadium name
  • curtpickcurtpick nunyobusynezPosts: 2,763 ✭✭✭
    beatnic:
    Sticks and stone my break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I learned that as a kid. Some of you cats are a bit too sensitive. Did you hear the one about the white guy? Can we still make jokes about them? Jeez. Its starting to sound like a bunch of women. Oops, may have offended someone.
    Who you calling a white guy !!!! I like cracker thank you ! LOL Being one its easy ! :) No room for anything racial. Again some take that really badly. Me Pfffft... I have every race and creed in my family and damn well proud of it !
    Family, Friends, Golf, Cigars, Fine Whiskey, Good beer.... is there anything else ?  Follow on instagram @crguy1961
  • curtpickcurtpick nunyobusynezPosts: 2,763 ✭✭✭
    Ya kind of miss Comiskey was a great park. I dont watch it either... Unless the Cubs make the playoffs !... again I dont watch them much... LOL
    Family, Friends, Golf, Cigars, Fine Whiskey, Good beer.... is there anything else ?  Follow on instagram @crguy1961
  • rburke1129rburke1129 IndyPosts: 386
    beatnic:
    Sticks and stone my break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I learned that as a kid. Some of you cats are a bit too sensitive. Did you hear the one about the white guy? Can we still make jokes about them? Jeez. Its starting to sound like a bunch of women. Oops, may have offended someone.


    It's still open season on male, white Christians beatnic. ;)
    Sorry I'm late, but a manure spreader jack-knifed on the Santa Anna.
  • catfishbluezzcatfishbluezz Posts: 7,001
    curtpick:
    beatnic:
    Sticks and stone my break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I learned that as a kid. Some of you cats are a bit too sensitive. Did you hear the one about the white guy? Can we still make jokes about them? Jeez. Its starting to sound like a bunch of women. Oops, may have offended someone.
    Who you calling a white guy !!!! I like cracker thank you ! LOL Being one its easy ! :) No room for anything racial. Again some take that really badly. Me Pfffft... I have every race and creed in my family and damn well proud of it !
    This offends me as well. Please standby for a tirade of insults.
  • laker1963laker1963 Posts: 5,046
    beatnic:
    Sticks and stone my break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I learned that as a kid. Some of you cats are a bit too sensitive. Did you hear the one about the white guy? Can we still make jokes about them? Jeez. Its starting to sound like a bunch of women. Oops, may have offended someone.
    Beat, I think you may be right about the sensitivity but I can also see Joe's position in this.

    We have all said things here which either could have been stated better or which was not taken by the forum the way it was intended to come across.

    However we all seem to be guilty of wanting everyone to be accepting and not overly sensitive to our opinions or comments while we read things into what others say, without maybe returning the respect of listening and trying to understand a persons point of view. In other words we are all guilty of not following the Golden Rule.

    Having some members here constantly inviting others to leave is very arrogant and should not be accepted by the forum at large. These members may feel they have just cause, but who gave them the authourity to ask people to leave the forums? There has been a posse mentality around here for a while. Confidences have been ignored, things said about others that would never be said in the open. It has all become rather juvenille and the worst perpetrators are hiding behind this veil of being victims.

    Perhaps what is needed is a little more attempt to understand others positions (or at least their right to have it) and a lot less sensitivity.
  • curtpickcurtpick nunyobusynezPosts: 2,763 ✭✭✭
    catfishbluezz:
    curtpick:
    beatnic:
    Sticks and stone my break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I learned that as a kid. Some of you cats are a bit too sensitive. Did you hear the one about the white guy? Can we still make jokes about them? Jeez. Its starting to sound like a bunch of women. Oops, may have offended someone.
    Who you calling a white guy !!!! I like cracker thank you ! LOL Being one its easy ! :) No room for anything racial. Again some take that really badly. Me Pfffft... I have every race and creed in my family and damn well proud of it !
    This offends me as well. Please standby for a tirade of insults.
    Hope ya'all have thick skins ! :)
    Family, Friends, Golf, Cigars, Fine Whiskey, Good beer.... is there anything else ?  Follow on instagram @crguy1961
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