OK! I apologize to your eyeballs. We can stop talking about that last one. Talk about these if you dare. But, think about it for a minute or two, before you post.
WASHINGTON—Causing dread and consternation among significant swaths of registered voters, a series of Reuters-Ipsos polls released Tuesday increased fears that the 2018 midterm elections will be won by a wave of politicians. “Right now, many Americans are worried that the 2018 elections could be an absolute landslide for politicians, and everything we’re seeing seems to suggest that this is a very real cause for concern,” said McGill University political analyst Tasha Martin, warning that every predictor released by major polling organizations pointed to a “near-tsunami” of midterm gains for politicians and political figures, groups notorious for being selfish, out of touch with the general public, and corruptly bending to outside interests. “In fact, most predictions offer a nearly 100 percent chance that politicians will win both the House and Senate in November. For most Americans, seeing politicians completely in control of Congress might be enough to cause them to lose all faith in democracy.” Martin added that preliminary polling also raised the frightening specter of a politician taking the White House in 2020.
... The Onion
“It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)
California Legislature Unveils Plan To Raise Taxes On Wildfires Until They Move Out Of State
November 20th, 2018
SACRAMENTO, CA—As California authorities scramble to deal with the unprecedented destruction wrought by the 2018 rash of wildfires across the state, the legislature has announced a foolproof plan to get rid of the devastating fires. The legislature will sharply increase taxes on the fires each and every year until they finally have had enough and agree to move to a more fire-friendly state.
Governor Jerry Brown announced the plan at a special press conference, vowing to nickel and dime the wildfires to the point where they just can't take it anymore. Initial fees will include a 10% tax on flames, a 25% "luxury" tax on smoke and ashes, and a 40 cent per square foot tax on acreage burned.
"Just as we've done with various businesses and private individuals, we will levy ever-increasing taxes on the fires," he said proudly. "Once they realize they're being taxed to death, they'll move on to greener pastures like Texas or Arizona." Brown said the taxes will be earmarked for public funding and pensions, but quickly added the state will likely "blow through the cash" on crazy pet projects faster than they could bring it in.
More conservative states immediately criticized Brown's plan, complaining that the fires will simply come over to their states and ruin things.
"We don't want 'em," said Texas governor Greg Abbott. "Stay over there, and stay out of our state. We have our own fires to deal with, not to mention all the crazy progressives you keep sending our way."
“It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)
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OK! I apologize to your eyeballs. We can stop talking about that last one. Talk about these if you dare. But, think about it for a minute or two, before you post.
New Polls Increase Fears That Midterm Elections Will Be Won By Wave Of Politicians
WASHINGTON—Causing dread and consternation among significant swaths of registered voters, a series of Reuters-Ipsos polls released Tuesday increased fears that the 2018 midterm elections will be won by a wave of politicians. “Right now, many Americans are worried that the 2018 elections could be an absolute landslide for politicians, and everything we’re seeing seems to suggest that this is a very real cause for concern,” said McGill University political analyst Tasha Martin, warning that every predictor released by major polling organizations pointed to a “near-tsunami” of midterm gains for politicians and political figures, groups notorious for being selfish, out of touch with the general public, and corruptly bending to outside interests. “In fact, most predictions offer a nearly 100 percent chance that politicians will win both the House and Senate in November. For most Americans, seeing politicians completely in control of Congress might be enough to cause them to lose all faith in democracy.” Martin added that preliminary polling also raised the frightening specter of a politician taking the White House in 2020.
... The Onion
California Legislature Unveils Plan To Raise Taxes On Wildfires Until They Move Out Of State
SACRAMENTO, CA—As California authorities scramble to deal with the unprecedented destruction wrought by the 2018 rash of wildfires across the state, the legislature has announced a foolproof plan to get rid of the devastating fires. The legislature will sharply increase taxes on the fires each and every year until they finally have had enough and agree to move to a more fire-friendly state.
Governor Jerry Brown announced the plan at a special press conference, vowing to nickel and dime the wildfires to the point where they just can't take it anymore. Initial fees will include a 10% tax on flames, a 25% "luxury" tax on smoke and ashes, and a 40 cent per square foot tax on acreage burned.
"Just as we've done with various businesses and private individuals, we will levy ever-increasing taxes on the fires," he said proudly. "Once they realize they're being taxed to death, they'll move on to greener pastures like Texas or Arizona." Brown said the taxes will be earmarked for public funding and pensions, but quickly added the state will likely "blow through the cash" on crazy pet projects faster than they could bring it in.
More conservative states immediately criticized Brown's plan, complaining that the fires will simply come over to their states and ruin things.
"We don't want 'em," said Texas governor Greg Abbott. "Stay over there, and stay out of our state. We have our own fires to deal with, not to mention all the crazy progressives you keep sending our way."