JD50AE ... In memoriam & looking for info.

I just read through some of his past posts, and I am going to venture out and tell yall what happened. Maybe it will explain some of the anger and rage he could emote. It was confusing, his passing. This last year he became very angry, at everything. He was typically a grumpy fella, but in a big bear Loganish sort of way, especially about political stuff. In the last year, maybe a bit longer, it grew quite over the top. After almost 20 years of marriage, he even got to the point of frightening me, which has never happened before. Grumpy, yes, but violent angry, never. In a nutshell ... he had undiagnosed prostate cancer that metastasized to his brain, so basically brain cancer. It took ahold of him and changed everything, in very short order, weeks, and his pain was unimaginable. However, neither of us knew this as he was going through it, other than the pain part. It was a very fast process, but because we did not know what we were dealing with it made getting hospice care in here hard. One day he literally ripped his computer out of the wall, all of his electronics, TV etc and threw them out the back door. He laid down on the floor and told me he was done, and he meant it. He was a veteran, and had an endgame in place, but it was not backed up with a doctor's diagnosis or care. He had gone non-compliant with his meds about 2 years ago, refusing to even go in for check ups. To say this made it difficult for me trying to get him needed help is an understatement. But, I am resilient and stubborn if anything, and managed to get Avalon in here after a very tough 2 weeks of fighting the system. The system, and him, because no one knew what was wrong with him, and as long as he could say NO, they would not treat him or especially perform the needed MRIs to determine what was wrong. After the 3rd trip to the ER, them witnessing his very difficult behavior, backed up with our local ER folks, they let me choose to have him sedated and then he was given that MRI which found the mass on his brain. Within a day, hospice was here. He wouldn't tolerate anyone but me taking care of him, which was fine, he was mine, but I did need help with managing his pain, and anxiety (too many people in & out) when needed it. He passed quietly & peacefully less than a week later. He was awake & cognizant, but could no longer speak. I knew what he was saying when he turned and looked at me, and I told him of his life & how good of a man he was, and that I would be okay and would take care of all our rescue dogs & horses. And that I loved him. He just signed quietly, and looked out the window, and as I was softly brushing his grizzly grey curly hair back from his face he sighed softly, and left. If under any circumstance such as this a soft peaceful passing could be wished for, he had it. I made certain of it. I miss him greatly. He loved this group.

As an endnote, I really want to stress that endgame situation, and urge anyone else who has one to make sure that it is backed up by a doctors care, or at the very least a visit to a physician's office at least once a year. For your loved ones, please do this.