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Chuck Norris Jokes

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    LukoLuko Posts: 2,003 ✭✭
    j0z3r:
    Chuck Norris is so fat, when his beeper goes off people think he's backing up.
    I could be wrong, I was once before, but I think this is the *** child of an unholy Chuck Norris - Yo Mamma union.
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    j0z3rj0z3r Posts: 9,403 ✭✭
    Well, you're not wrong...and yet....

    Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.
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    j0z3rj0z3r Posts: 9,403 ✭✭
    Which reminds me...What do you call a drunk man that doesn't know who his father is?

    A plastered basterd.
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    urbinourbino Posts: 4,517 ✭
    Oh. I thought you were gonna say Chuck Norris.
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    kuzi16kuzi16 Posts: 14,633 ✭✭✭✭
    how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck norris?

    all of it.
    Kuzi's Forum Links Page
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    dutyjedutyje Posts: 2,263 ✭
    j0z3r:
    Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.
    I like basturd
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    j0z3rj0z3r Posts: 9,403 ✭✭
    dutyje:
    j0z3r:
    Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.
    I like basturd
    So do I...I'm officially adopting it.
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    alienmisprintalienmisprint Posts: 3,964 ✭✭✭
    dutyje:
    j0z3r:
    Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.
    I like basturd
    Yeah, but then people will confuse fatherless children with sport fish fecal matter, and we all know where that leads.
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    madurofanmadurofan Posts: 6,219 ✭✭✭
    urbino:
    Well, tell him to pack a lunch. I've got a burro and a tiny hockey player, and I'm not afraid to use them.
    Thanks, I just giggled like a school girl.

    Urbino once split a burro from back to front with a tiny hockey player. Beat that Chuck ...
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    These Filthy HandsThese Filthy Hands Posts: 455
    Right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman that he dosen't love.

    Nothing Chuck Norris touches turns to gold. It simply grows a beard.

    Chuck Norris's beard hit .375 in the minors before hurting it's knee.

    Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper

    The only time Chuck Norris has ever made a mistake was when he thought he was wrong.

    Chuck Norris won the 1989 World Series of Poker with only a Get Out Of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs and a green Uno card.
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    madurofanmadurofan Posts: 6,219 ✭✭✭
    These Filthy Hands:
    Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper
    This is no accomplishment, anyone who has ever stayed in a hotel room has done the same.
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    plaidbanana1plaidbanana1 Posts: 187 ✭
    madurofan:
    These Filthy Hands:
    Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper
    This is no accomplishment, anyone who has ever stayed in a hotel room has done the same.
    I feel your pain. I know all about the motel toilet paper.
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    gmill880gmill880 Posts: 5,947 ✭
    Chuck Norris likes everything he eats because his taste buds are afraid to make anything taste bad!
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    Bad AndyBad Andy Posts: 848
    What's behind Chuck Norris' beard...Another Fist!
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    kuzi16kuzi16 Posts: 14,633 ✭✭✭✭
    there are two types of women in this world:
    1) women who have had sex with chuck norris
    2) women who want to have sex with chuck norris again.


    if you have ever met a woman with crooked teeth, you have met a woman who has given Chuck Norris a ****.

    Kuzi's Forum Links Page
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    bbc020bbc020 Posts: 1,422 ✭
    Death once had a Near-Chuck-Norris experience.
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    madurofanmadurofan Posts: 6,219 ✭✭✭
    kuzi16:
    there are two types of burros in this world:
    1) burros who have had sex with Duty
    2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
    Fixed that for you
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    alienmisprintalienmisprint Posts: 3,964 ✭✭✭
    madurofan:
    kuzi16:
    there are two types of burros in this world:
    1) burros who have had sex with Duty
    2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
    Fixed that for you
    LMFAO!!!!
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    alienmisprintalienmisprint Posts: 3,964 ✭✭✭
    Chuck Norris has sex with every woman on the planet once a month. Following coitus, the woman bleeds for 3-5 days.
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    dutyjedutyje Posts: 2,263 ✭
    madurofan:
    kuzi16:
    there are two types of burros in this world:
    1) burros who have had sex with Duty
    2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
    Fixed that for you
    basturd
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    These Filthy HandsThese Filthy Hands Posts: 455
    All of Jay-Z's 99 problems are Chuck Norris
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    kuzi16kuzi16 Posts: 14,633 ✭✭✭✭
    These Filthy Hands:
    All of Jay-Z's 99 problems are Chuck Norris
    fantastic
    Kuzi's Forum Links Page
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    madurofanmadurofan Posts: 6,219 ✭✭✭
    dutyje:
    madurofan:
    kuzi16:
    there are two types of burros in this world:
    1) burros who have had sex with Duty
    2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
    Fixed that for you
    basturd
    You laughed
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    dutyjedutyje Posts: 2,263 ✭
    madurofan:
    dutyje:
    madurofan:
    kuzi16:
    there are two types of burros in this world:
    1) burros who have had sex with Duty
    2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
    Fixed that for you
    basturd
    You laughed
    so did you
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    These Filthy HandsThese Filthy Hands Posts: 455
    Chuck Norris once created a rock so big and heavy that not even he could life it. Then he lifted it just to show you who the f*ck Chuck Norris is!

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

    Sweden isn't neutral, they just don't know what side of Chuck Norris they are on.
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    madurofanmadurofan Posts: 6,219 ✭✭✭
    dutyje:
    madurofan:
    dutyje:
    madurofan:
    kuzi16:
    there are two types of burros in this world:
    1) burros who have had sex with Duty
    2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
    Fixed that for you
    basturd
    You laughed
    so did you
    Indeed
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    bbc020bbc020 Posts: 1,422 ✭
    There's no such thing as Evolution, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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    Dude LoveDude Love Posts: 315
    The only reason you're awake is because Chuck Norris doesn't feel like carrying you.

    Chuck Norris could strangle you with a cordless phone.

    On every issue of TIME Magazine's Man of the Year, it says in small print at the bottom "besides Chuck Norris".

    If Chuck Norris was on the Titanic, the icebergs would have moved out of the way. Unfortunately, he thinks Leonardo DiCaprio is a ****.

    Chuck Norris can get breakfast at McDonald's after 10:30 AM.

    Life doesn't give Chuck Norris lemons, it asks him what fruit he wants.
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    bbc020bbc020 Posts: 1,422 ✭
    you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink...unless you're Chuck Norris
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    These Filthy HandsThese Filthy Hands Posts: 455
    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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