I asked my uncle what he's doing to enjoy his retirement, given the current financial crisis. He said that working people frequently ask him how he makes his retirement more interesting. He said, "Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' "
"He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a **** ****. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ***-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and saw that the car had an Obama sticker on it. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age."
Guns don't kill people, Daddies with pretty daughters do…..
I asked my uncle what he's doing to enjoy his retirement, given the current financial crisis. He said that working people frequently ask him how he makes his retirement more interesting. He said, "Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' "
"He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a **** ****. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ***-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and saw that the car had an Obama sticker on it. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age."
Miss Johnson was in the Dr. office with a younger doctor. all of a sudden she ran out screaming. as she passed an older Dr in the hallway he stopped her and asked what was going on. "he said that I was pregnant" she said. The older Dr storms down the hall to the room with the younger Dr and says " Miss Johnson is 71 years old and has 4 childern and 7 grand children, why did you tell her that she was pregnant?" the younger Dr looks at the older and asks " does she still have the hiccups?"
Verb. To dramatically lift the middle finger while refraining from lifting the index, middle, ring, thumb, or pinky fingers. This is also commonly known as 'Flipping Off', 'Giving the bird', 'Flashing Your Sign', or 'Giving the finger'. First introduced by the French longbowmen in the middle ages. It was known that longbowmen needed their middle finegr to fire arrows at the enemy. Essentially, they 'Flipped Off' their enemy, a derisive way of proving that they can still kill them. It still works today even! It is, in a rounabout way, a simple way of saying 'F.uck You, I can still kill you.'
Of course, it is not called the 'French Victory Salute' for the same fact that the French have no victory songs, and their victory flag is a white picture on a white background with a white border.
Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue. Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.
In other news... we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs. Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and ****.
Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue. Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.
In other news... we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs. Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and ****.
A man walked into an Irish pub and sat down next to an old guy at the bar. The old guy looked at him and said "You see that house over there? I built that. With my own two hands, my flesh and my blood, my sweat and my tears went into that house. But they don't call me O'Reiley the House Bulider" He went on and said "You see that bridge over there? I built that. With my own two hands, my flesh and my blood, my sweat and my tears went into that bridge. But they don't call me O'reiley the Bridge Builder" After that he said "You see that boat over there? I built that. With my own two hands, my flesh and my blood, my sweat and my tears went into that boat. But they don't call me O'Reiley the Boat Builder." And then he paused for a second and said "But you fxxk ONE goat....."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A man walked into a bar and saw a sign that said: Hamburgers-$1 Cheeseburgers-$2, Handjobs-$10. Puzzled, he looked around and saw a cute blonde behind the bar. He approached the young lady and said "Excuse me miss, but are you the one that gives the handjobs?" She looked around and with a coy look, she said "Why, yes I am." The man said "Cool, can you wash your hands? I want a cheeseburger."
A doctor, a Chinese business man, a priest and an Italian are all playing golf together. They are behind the slowest moving foresome ever, causing a delay in play. They call to the course marshall and ask him to speed the group along. The marshall says, "Oh I can't do that. They're heros! They're four blind firemen! A few months back, there was a big explosion and fire in our clubhouse. Those 4 men risked their own lives to save everyone, and as a result, all ended up blind!"
Touched by this news, the doctor says "I will dedicate the rest of my career to restore the eye sight of these heros!"
The Chinese business man says "I will donote $500 million dollars to fund the research of technology to give them sight again!"
The Priest says, "I will pray to the Holy Father twice a day that these brave, brave heros may see again!"
The Italian says, "Can't they just play at night?"
A doctor, a Chinese business man, a priest and an Italian are all playing golf together. They are behind the slowest moving foresome ever, causing a delay in play. They call to the course marshall and ask him to speed the group along. The marshall says, "Oh I can't do that. They're heros! They're four blind firemen! A few months back, there was a big explosion and fire in our clubhouse. Those 4 men risked their own lives to save everyone, and as a result, all ended up blind!"
Touched by this news, the doctor says "I will dedicate the rest of my career to restore the eye sight of these heros!"
The Chinese business man says "I will donote $500 million dollars to fund the research of technology to give them sight again!"
The Priest says, "I will pray to the Holy Father twice a day that these brave, brave heros may see again!"
The Italian says, "Can't they just play at night?"
LMAO!!! I didnt even know Tuccelli played golf....
Comments
I asked my uncle what he's doing to enjoy his retirement, given the current financial crisis. He said that working people frequently ask him how he makes his retirement more interesting. He said, "Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' "
"He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a **** ****. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ***-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and saw that the car had an Obama sticker on it. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age."
ROTFLMAO! GOOD ONE!
Demotivational posters - I haz them
¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
I'd give at least $20 if I saw a guy with a sign like this, if for no other reason than the sheer inventiveness of it
Barney likes the little girls
Victory Salute
Verb. To dramatically lift the middle finger while refraining from lifting the index, middle, ring, thumb, or pinky fingers. This is also commonly known as 'Flipping Off', 'Giving the bird', 'Flashing Your Sign', or 'Giving the finger'. First introduced by the French longbowmen in the middle ages. It was known that longbowmen needed their middle finegr to fire arrows at the enemy. Essentially, they 'Flipped Off' their enemy, a derisive way of proving that they can still kill them. It still works today even! It is, in a rounabout way, a simple way of saying 'F.uck You, I can still kill you.'
Of course, it is not called the 'French Victory Salute' for the same fact that the French have no victory songs, and their victory flag is a white picture on a white background with a white border.
¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
In other news... we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs. Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and ****.
Just keeping you up to date.
Marty
Marty
Nothing.....you've done told her twice....
100 people who won't do di ck.
Touched by this news, the doctor says "I will dedicate the rest of my career to restore the eye sight of these heros!"
The Chinese business man says "I will donote $500 million dollars to fund the research of technology to give them sight again!"
The Priest says, "I will pray to the Holy Father twice a day that these brave, brave heros may see again!"
The Italian says, "Can't they just play at night?"