Home Non Cigar Related

Resurrecting the Joke Thread

1235730

Comments

  • xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,398 ✭✭


    Demotivational posters - I haz them



    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

  • DSWarmackDSWarmack Posts: 1,426
    Why does it keep telling me that I need to register to see this stuff and show me a frozen frog?!?!?!
  • xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,398 ✭✭
    I used imageshack, but I never registered; for whatever reason, the pics appear for me
  • DSWarmackDSWarmack Posts: 1,426
    I registered, but nothing shows... oh well. I surely do LOVE demotivational posters.
  • HaysHays Posts: 2,335 ✭✭✭
    shows for me...some funny chit!
    ¨The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea¨ - Isak Dinesen

    ¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
  • DSWarmackDSWarmack Posts: 1,426
    I think it has something to do with the jacked up internet, oh well Ill look at 'em later
  • xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,398 ✭✭
    Posting more funny pics:

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

  • xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,398 ✭✭
    3 more pics:

    image

    I'd give at least $20 if I saw a guy with a sign like this, if for no other reason than the sheer inventiveness of it

    image

    Barney likes the little girls

    image

  • xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,398 ✭✭
    More demotivational posters:

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

  • xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,398 ✭✭
    From Urban Dictionary

    Victory Salute

    Verb. To dramatically lift the middle finger while refraining from lifting the index, middle, ring, thumb, or pinky fingers. This is also commonly known as 'Flipping Off', 'Giving the bird', 'Flashing Your Sign', or 'Giving the finger'. First introduced by the French longbowmen in the middle ages. It was known that longbowmen needed their middle finegr to fire arrows at the enemy. Essentially, they 'Flipped Off' their enemy, a derisive way of proving that they can still kill them. It still works today even! It is, in a rounabout way, a simple way of saying 'F.uck You, I can still kill you.'

    Of course, it is not called the 'French Victory Salute' for the same fact that the French have no victory songs, and their victory flag is a white picture on a white background with a white border.

  • HaysHays Posts: 2,335 ✭✭✭
    ¨The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea¨ - Isak Dinesen

    ¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
  • jlmartajlmarta Posts: 7,880 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue. Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.

    In other news... we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs. Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and ****.

    Just keeping you up to date.

    Marty

  • cabinetmakercabinetmaker Posts: 2,557 ✭✭
    jlmarta:
    Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue. Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.

    In other news... we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs. Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and ****.

    Just keeping you up to date.

    Marty

    This I like, lol.
  • RCCCigarRCCCigar Posts: 106
    A man walked into an Irish pub and sat down next to an old guy at the bar. The old guy looked at him and said "You see that house over there? I built that. With my own two hands, my flesh and my blood, my sweat and my tears went into that house. But they don't call me O'Reiley the House Bulider" He went on and said "You see that bridge over there? I built that. With my own two hands, my flesh and my blood, my sweat and my tears went into that bridge. But they don't call me O'reiley the Bridge Builder" After that he said "You see that boat over there? I built that. With my own two hands, my flesh and my blood, my sweat and my tears went into that boat. But they don't call me O'Reiley the Boat Builder." And then he paused for a second and said "But you fxxk ONE goat....."
  • cabinetmakercabinetmaker Posts: 2,557 ✭✭
    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • jlmartajlmarta Posts: 7,880 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Ohhh! Pain, agony. That one was so bad it hurt me - terribly.

    Marty

  • HeavyHeavy Posts: 1,589 ✭✭✭
    cabinetmaker:
    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
    Ha!
  • kaspera79kaspera79 Posts: 7,250 ✭✭✭
    Pretty funny Cabi...
  • mfotismfotis Posts: 720 ✭✭
    What do you say to a women with two black eyes?

    Nothing.....you've done told her twice....
  • wwesternwwestern Posts: 1,397 ✭✭✭
    What do you get when you mix 50 state workers and 50 lesbians?


    100 people who won't do di ck.
  • RCCCigarRCCCigar Posts: 106
    A man walked into a bar and saw a sign that said: Hamburgers-$1 Cheeseburgers-$2, Handjobs-$10. Puzzled, he looked around and saw a cute blonde behind the bar. He approached the young lady and said "Excuse me miss, but are you the one that gives the handjobs?" She looked around and with a coy look, she said "Why, yes I am." The man said "Cool, can you wash your hands? I want a cheeseburger."
  • skweekzskweekz Posts: 2,279 ✭✭✭
    A doctor, a Chinese business man, a priest and an Italian are all playing golf together. They are behind the slowest moving foresome ever, causing a delay in play. They call to the course marshall and ask him to speed the group along. The marshall says, "Oh I can't do that. They're heros! They're four blind firemen! A few months back, there was a big explosion and fire in our clubhouse. Those 4 men risked their own lives to save everyone, and as a result, all ended up blind!"

    Touched by this news, the doctor says "I will dedicate the rest of my career to restore the eye sight of these heros!"

    The Chinese business man says "I will donote $500 million dollars to fund the research of technology to give them sight again!"

    The Priest says, "I will pray to the Holy Father twice a day that these brave, brave heros may see again!"

    The Italian says, "Can't they just play at night?"
  • The SniperThe Sniper Posts: 3,910
    skweekz:
    A doctor, a Chinese business man, a priest and an Italian are all playing golf together. They are behind the slowest moving foresome ever, causing a delay in play. They call to the course marshall and ask him to speed the group along. The marshall says, "Oh I can't do that. They're heros! They're four blind firemen! A few months back, there was a big explosion and fire in our clubhouse. Those 4 men risked their own lives to save everyone, and as a result, all ended up blind!"

    Touched by this news, the doctor says "I will dedicate the rest of my career to restore the eye sight of these heros!"

    The Chinese business man says "I will donote $500 million dollars to fund the research of technology to give them sight again!"

    The Priest says, "I will pray to the Holy Father twice a day that these brave, brave heros may see again!"

    The Italian says, "Can't they just play at night?"
    LMAO!!! I didnt even know Tuccelli played golf....

  • LasabarLasabar Posts: 4,464 ✭✭✭
    This is pretty witty and gave me a laugh!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3p4UX47WfM
  • j0z3rj0z3r Posts: 9,397 ✭✭✭
    That was pretty good. What's it from?
  • grannejagranneja Posts: 382
    alienmisprint:
    The maid asked for a pay increase.
    The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
    She asked; 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?
    'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
    The first is that I iron better than you.'
    'Who said you iron better than me?'
    Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
    Wife: 'Oh...'
    Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
    Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
    Maria: 'Your husband did.'
    Wife: 'Oh...'
    'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
    Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
    'No Senora...the gardener did.'
    Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
    Thats a good one.
  • Lakota72Lakota72 Posts: 1,269 ✭✭✭
    How do you keep a blonde occupied for hours on end?

    Have her alphabetize M&M's
  • zoom6zoomzoom6zoom Posts: 1,211 ✭✭
    granneja:
    alienmisprint:
    The maid asked for a pay increase.
    The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
    She asked; 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?
    'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
    The first is that I iron better than you.'
    'Who said you iron better than me?'
    Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
    Wife: 'Oh...'
    Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
    Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
    Maria: 'Your husband did.'
    Wife: 'Oh...'
    'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
    Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
    'No Senora...the gardener did.'c Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
    Thats a good one.
    This reminded me about the recent issues that Governor Schwarzenegger had with his wife. Many people never heard the true story, it turns out it was started by a misunderstanding. Arnold told his wife, "Maria, the maid is asking for a raise."

    Maria replied, "That b*tch? F*uck her."
  • xmacroxmacro Posts: 3,398 ✭✭
    image
    For those who don't know, Minecraft is a game where you start out in a deserted world, and build anything you want - you start with nothing, and can build an empire out of dirt, stone, and lava. It's pretty much the ultimate lego's kit, where you can destroy anything you see, or build to the heavens. Definitely a huge timesink, and tons of fun - if you ever played with lego's, this game is for you
    image
Sign In or Register to comment.