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you can't make this stuff up

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  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2017
    Because of the rescues and the number of kids that visit we had to put up signs and a camera because the meter reader comes down the driveway with his foot on the floor. Didn't do any good and we had to complain to his boss. Put another camera at the meters themselves just to jerk him around. 

    @0patience  always tell the dad, not the mom
  • WylaffWylaff Posts: 5,369 ✭✭✭✭✭
    remind me never to go to florida 20 photos 26 Remind me never to go to Florida 20 Photos
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...
  • webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Wylaff said:
    remind me never to go to florida 20 photos 26 Remind me never to go to Florida 20 Photos
    FWIW -- Snopes don't believe that one.

    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • WylaffWylaff Posts: 5,369 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2017
    Still made me laugh. Deep down I'm happy that one's false.
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...
  • MarkwellMarkwell Posts: 1,616 ✭✭✭✭✭
    While it's a shame to have to go to that extreme sometimes it's unfortunately necessary. I think that's gonna be our next step. We can't even sit on our porch without her coming out and taking pictures of us, so we'll give her a taste of her own medicine.
    “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” – George Burns
  • jlmartajlmarta Posts: 7,881 ✭✭✭✭✭
    webmost said:
    Wylaff said:
    remind me never to go to florida 20 photos 26 Remind me never to go to Florida 20 Photos
    FWIW -- Snopes don't believe that one.

    And FWIW, I don't believe Snopes most of the time. If you want straight answers, try TruthorFiction.com. Much more reliable...  
  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2017
    At the drop of a hat.

    Wasserman Schultz Has a New Excuse for Her IT Scandal: The Police Are Racist Against Her Muslim Staffer


    He should have gone to NY city and become a desnudas, that idiot deblassio
    would have protected him.



  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2017
    If calalafornia becomes its own country (I hope they do):

    1. Will we have to extend the wall?
    2. Will they have to get passports?
    3. Will they return our military?
    4. Where will they get the money for the criminal aliens? (no more tax money from the Feds)
    5. Will all the federal prisons close?
    6. Will there be a surcharge for the illegal drugs coming across their boarder?
    7. Will the ports and airports be closed?
    8. Will the price of porn and wine go up?
    9. Will the redirected water sources dry up?
    10. Will they have their own language?
    11. If mexico attacks will we rescue them?
    12. Will the xxxxxxx celebrities across the country move there? (please)
    13. Will cnn and msnbc move there? 
    14. Will we establish toll roads and shoot to kill guard towers?
    15. Will legal business move out? (some allready are)
    16. Will the FBI, DHS, FEMA, SS and all the other initials leave? (almost have to)
    17. Will they establish thier own army? ( :D)
    18. If a calalafornian sneaks across the boarder are they criminal aliens?
  • MarkwellMarkwell Posts: 1,616 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2017
    Chances are California will just slide into the Pacific before we have to worry about it. 

    What if the flat earth tips towards the east and the ocean spills over? Should we be building a retaining wall for that? Can't believe nobody's thought about this!
    “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” – George Burns
  • MarkwellMarkwell Posts: 1,616 ✭✭✭✭✭
    For those of you who don't know, I've picked up a PT job at the local yokel fill 'er up until we can get the shop on a more stable foundation.

    Went out this evening to have a smoke when we got slow. Had to lay it down and go back in to help a customer. I look out the window and see some skuzzwang walk up, look around, pick up my lit cigarette, take a few drags and walk off with it. WHADDAFUCK!
    “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” – George Burns
  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Sees Something Left to Win':

    Hillary Clinton Considers Becoming Methodist Preacher

  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2017
    Aren't you guys worried about Guam tipping over with the influx of arms and supplies? Lordy Lordy I have been losing sleep ever since a democrat warned us about it.
  • MartelMartel Posts: 3,306 ✭✭✭✭
    School nurse story:

    Our kids have been in PA schools for 2 years.  There are more vaccinations required here than anywhere else we've lived.  With insurance stuff we've been slow to find them a doc.  Last year, my son needed a shot and it took forever to get it done.  I knew I should have made appointments for both kids at the time but didn't.

    This year, there's a new law that vaccinations have to be done by the 5th day of school or the kids will be kicked out.  We get notice that our daughter was allowed in school for the last several years without the shot her younger brother needed.  I've been going nuts trying to find a place that will give her the vaccine.

    Finally, find one place that has it and takes our insurance.  They want her shot records when I come tomorrow.  I pull them up, look at them, and the needed vaccine is right there, listed as given right before we moved.

    Email the nurse.  No apology.  This is the record they were given when we registered (so it makes sense they didn't point out anything, then) and she just snippily says "her records have been updated.

    So I go to check the mail today and there's a letter from the school.  This is not 20 minutes after I send her the record.  The letter says there's another vaccine she needs.  It's on the record, too (and all previous records they might have received).

    Let's hope she noticed that one, because I didn't point it out to her!  She's about to get a piece of my mind concerning how to do her job.
    Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

    I like Oliva and Quesada (including Regius) a lot.  I will smoke anything, though.
  • 0patience0patience Posts: 10,665 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Martel
    I am so glad that my kids are out of school.
    I never want to have to go through dealing with that again.

    And then the schools wonder why more people are going to home schooling.


    In Fumo Pax
    Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.

    Wylaff said:
    Atmospheric pressure and crap.
  • MartelMartel Posts: 3,306 ✭✭✭✭
    The inefficiency and silly repetitious paperwork involved with schools astounds me.
    Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

    I like Oliva and Quesada (including Regius) a lot.  I will smoke anything, though.
  • WylaffWylaff Posts: 5,369 ✭✭✭✭✭
    jd50ae said:

    Sees Something Left to Win':

    Hillary Clinton Considers Becoming Methodist Preacher

    She's only doing it so in 2020 she can say "Yes I've made mistakes, but I've repented and am ready to lead this nation with integrity."

    I wouldn't trust her motives in anything she does.
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...
  • 2hand2hand Posts: 352 ✭✭✭
    Martel said:
    The inefficiency and silly repetitious paperwork involved with schools astounds me.

    How about the instructional information with poor sentence structure, grammar, and lacking needed details?  "Parents will pick their children up on the street that borders the playground."  Ummmm..... The playground is bordered by 2 streets.  Which one?  Chaos is imminent.
    If you don't like women drivers, then stay off the sidewalk.
  • webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭

    As with the Iran deal many years later, Clinton's deal with North Korea in 1994 was not a formal treaty and thus never ratified by Congress. Clinton gave North Korea 3 billion and two nuclear reactors. Then said this...

    https://youtu.be/6TcbU5jAavw
    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • MarkwellMarkwell Posts: 1,616 ✭✭✭✭✭
    “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” – George Burns
  • MarkwellMarkwell Posts: 1,616 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2017
    "Clem, yah bedder go git that thar Bigfoot rape kit we ordered las' yer."
    “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” – George Burns
  • WylaffWylaff Posts: 5,369 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Paul. Couldn't control yourself huh?
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...
  • 0patience0patience Posts: 10,665 ✭✭✭✭✭
    In Fumo Pax
    Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.

    Wylaff said:
    Atmospheric pressure and crap.
  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • CrisiusCrisius Posts: 414 ✭✭✭
    Wylaff said:
    jd50ae said:

    Sees Something Left to Win':

    Hillary Clinton Considers Becoming Methodist Preacher

    She's only doing it so in 2020 she can say "Yes I've made mistakes, but I've repented and am ready to lead this nation with integrity."

    I wouldn't trust her motives in anything she does.
    You know the reason Chelsea goes everywhere her mother does is because her mothers "Moral Compass" is so screwed up without her she couldn't find her way out of the house, let alone to any other place in the world.
  • MarkwellMarkwell Posts: 1,616 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2017
    Would the democratic party really be so stupid as to even consider putting her on the ballot in 2020?

    Oh, wait...that's right...it's the democratic party were talking about here. Carry on.


    “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” – George Burns
  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Iowa man tries to deposit million-dollar bill, gets arrested for drugs

  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭

    After 106 years in Antarctica, fruitcake still looks 'like new'

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