Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says...“Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go.
The second murderer comes in and sits in the chair, and once again the priest asks “any last words?” And the murderer, bound tightly, desperately yells “I’m innocent!” They pull the switch, and once again nothing happens. The priest, clutching his chest at the miracle unfolding before him, cries out “2 failures of the electric chair in a row, it is unprecedented! God must be sending another sign. You too are innocent!” And the second murderer walked free.
The third murderer, an Irishman, comes into the execution chamber and he too sits down in the electric chair. The priest, now a broken record, asks “any last words?” The third murderer looks around the room, and says “yes, I think that the chair isn't plugged in...."
"Some people meditate, I smoke cigars." - Ron Perlman
"...I intend to go home tonight and smoke a cigar to the glory of God." - Charles Spurgeon
Two Time Cigar Lottery Winner
"I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window
I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again,
Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.. "😍
Comments
Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says...“Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go.
The second murderer comes in and sits in the chair, and once again the priest asks “any last words?” And the murderer, bound tightly, desperately yells “I’m innocent!” They pull the switch, and once again nothing happens. The priest, clutching his chest at the miracle unfolding before him, cries out “2 failures of the electric chair in a row, it is unprecedented! God must be sending another sign. You too are innocent!” And the second murderer walked free.
The third murderer, an Irishman, comes into the execution chamber and he too sits down in the electric chair. The priest, now a broken record, asks “any last words?” The third murderer looks around the room, and says “yes, I think that the chair isn't plugged in...."
"Some people meditate, I smoke cigars." - Ron Perlman
"...I intend to go home tonight and smoke a cigar to the glory of God." - Charles Spurgeon
Two Time Cigar Lottery Winner
Or do they just identify as female?
Trapped in the People's Communist Republic of Massachusetts.
Hitler Joke Disclaimer,....
As Hitler jokes go, it's not that bad but if you get triggered by Hitler or **** humor, maybe you skip this joke.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime...
Oh jeez ^
You poop five times at work? I can only squeeze out one deuce in the 8 hours
I don't get it.
The ending is as follows
... That's why I poop on company time.
@Yakster has inspired me to find some 'groaners'...
@Yakster FIFY
Followed the Chinese balloon for almost 200 miles before I realized it was only bird crap on the windshield.
Buddy Hackett was a riot. You reminded me of this:
https://youtu.be/aww4HT5g7ig?t=176
(The whole thing is funny, but skip to 2:50 for the duck joke.)
He was a legend.
Trapped in the People's Communist Republic of Massachusetts.
"I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window
I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again,
Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.. "😍
Oldie but goodie...
A coffee customer was writing out their check this morning and asked, "What's the date, 2/20?" I replied, "2/20, 2/21, whatever it takes."
I got it! I’m old!
Where is the face plant emoji?