Ms. Crabigail van Burnin' 1911 Spillman Dr. Bethlehem, PA 18015
Dr. Crabbie,
When I'm too tired after a long night of smoking and drinking, and sleep with my girlfriend, no one complains, but when I go upstairs to sleep with my Wife my girlfriend and her crew raise a racket. I don't know what to do.
Signed, top dog, in the doghouse
p.s. I've enclosed a photo of my girlfriend
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After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in all the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?” “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays… but I deer hunt on Fridays.
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said: "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”
Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”
"Sorry, Stormy," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."
Years ago, they hooked me up to a monitor for my heartbeat. This nurse brings out this disposable razor to "shave my chest". I started laughing and she looked puzzled. As I removed my shirt, I told her, I'm native, you might find one or two hairs on my chest. You can shve those, if it makes you feel better.
In Fumo Pax Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
The cream of Russian youth - by Ivan Yakinov The Open Kimono - by Seymour Hare Revenge of a Russion baby - by Ivan Bittertitof The backup plan - by Justin Case
“It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)
WARNING: The above post may contain thoughts or ideas known to the State of Caliphornia to cause seething rage, confusion, distemper, nausea, perspiration, sphincter release, or cranial implosion to persons who implicitly trust only one news source, or find themselves at either the left or right political extreme. Proceed at your own risk.
"If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed. If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." -- Mark Twain
Comments
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
1911 Spillman Dr.
Bethlehem, PA 18015
Dr. Crabbie,
When I'm too tired after a long night of smoking and drinking, and sleep with my girlfriend, no one complains, but when I go upstairs to sleep with my Wife my girlfriend and her crew raise a racket. I don't know what to do.
Signed, top dog, in the doghouse
p.s. I've enclosed a photo of my girlfriend
With an Ethernet.
I'd tell you a joke about the UDP protocol, but I'm not sure you would get it.
* I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said: "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”
Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”
"Sorry, Stormy," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."
https://www.boredpanda.com/texts-from-dogs/
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
A man I just met shaved my chest today, right before a treadmill stress test. Only skipped a few beats, thankfully my heart seems to be ok.
As I removed my shirt, I told her, I'm native, you might find one or two hairs on my chest. You can shve those, if it makes you feel better.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
Chop the clowns head off and use it to scare them all away, cause we all know that everyone is afraid of clowns.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
Will He Make It by Betty Wont
Green Spots on the Wall by Pickum and Flickum.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.
The Open Kimono - by Seymour Hare
Revenge of a Russion baby - by Ivan Bittertitof
The backup plan - by Justin Case
Q: What did socialists use before candles?
A: Electricity.
Paddy O furniture
"If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed. If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." -- Mark Twain
A stick.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.