Resurrecting the Joke Thread
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"I could've had a Mi Querida!" Nick Bardis11 -
Ms. Crabigail van Burnin'
1911 Spillman Dr.
Bethlehem, PA 18015
Dr. Crabbie,
When I'm too tired after a long night of smoking and drinking, and sleep with my girlfriend, no one complains, but when I go upstairs to sleep with my Wife my girlfriend and her crew raise a racket. I don't know what to do.
Signed, top dog, in the doghouse
p.s. I've enclosed a photo of my girlfriend
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"I could've had a Mi Querida!" Nick Bardis4 -
* I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *0 -
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in all the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?” “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays… but I deer hunt on Fridays.
"I could've had a Mi Querida!" Nick Bardis7 -
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said: "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”
Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”
"Sorry, Stormy," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."
"I could've had a Mi Querida!" Nick Bardis7 -
Funny page for dog lovers that I got from @CalvinAndHobo
https://www.boredpanda.com/texts-from-dogs/
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To the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies.Let me tell you a story about a man name RedA poor working man who barely kept his family fed.Then one day he thought he'd take a chanceand looked at his phone bill and nearly s h i t his pants.Robbery, that is.Highway robbery.Well the next thing you know, he went looking for a deal,but the phone companies only saw someone they could steal.......from.So he changed up companies and got swindled even more.And they took all his money like a crooked little w h o r e.Crooks that is. Phone companies, tv companies.Post edited by 0patience onIn Fumo Pax
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.Wylaff said:Atmospheric pressure and crap.8 -
Had a Morphine for Warped Wednesday... Intravenously in the ER. I didn't like it, but it was effective.
A man I just met shaved my chest today, right before a treadmill stress test. Only skipped a few beats, thankfully my heart seems to be ok.Join us on Zoom vHerf (Meeting # 2619860114 Password vHerf2020 )1 -
Years ago, they hooked me up to a monitor for my heartbeat. This nurse brings out this disposable razor to "shave my chest". I started laughing and she looked puzzled.
As I removed my shirt, I told her, I'm native, you might find one or two hairs on my chest. You can shve those, if it makes you feel better.In Fumo Pax
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.Wylaff said:Atmospheric pressure and crap.4 -
"I could've had a Mi Querida!" Nick Bardis1 -
The cream of Russian youth - by Ivan Yakinov
The Open Kimono - by Seymour Hare
Revenge of a Russion baby - by Ivan Bittertitof
The backup plan - by Justin Case4 -
“It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)
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"I could've had a Mi Querida!" Nick Bardis2 -
Q: What did socialists use before candles?
A: Electricity.
"I could've had a Mi Querida!" Nick Bardis8 -
What's Irish and stays outside all year?
Paddy O furnitureYou can't dispel Ignorance if you retain Arrogance!1 -
Groan Button Request submitted."If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed. If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." -- Mark Twain6
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick.1 -
"I could've had a Mi Querida!" Nick Bardis1
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Hey, you gonna eat the rest of that corndog?2
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...meanwhile, somewhere in Australia, they've built a new symphony hall...
"I could've had a Mi Querida!" Nick Bardis6
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L06ws41x2zc
https://youtu.be/dsD--mHGd6s
