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Resurrecting the Joke Thread

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  • peter4jcpeter4jc Posts: 15,315 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No photo description available
    "I could've had a Mi Querida!"   Nick Bardis
  • 0patience0patience Posts: 10,665 ✭✭✭✭✭
    This guy is hilarious. 

    https://youtu.be/SeQw1ASzG40
    In Fumo Pax
    Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cigars and that's close enough.

    Wylaff said:
    Atmospheric pressure and crap.
  • YaksterYakster Posts: 25,527 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Seen him twice live at the improv. He's doing a Halloween cruise.
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today. 

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  • YaksterYakster Posts: 25,527 ✭✭✭✭✭
    WRINKLES AND IRONY

    This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, “How old will I be when I die?”

    His reply was 96 years old.

    She said, “Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up.”

    She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor’s office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. She walked out of the doctor’s office, started across the street, and was hit and killed.

    She gets to heaven and asks the Lord, “What happened? You told me that I would live to be 96.”

    His reply: “We’ll I just didn’t recognize you!”
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today. 

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  • webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭
    That is the awesomest joke I have heard in years.
    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    WalMart
  • YaksterYakster Posts: 25,527 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today. 

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  • Sleddog46Sleddog46 Posts: 1,050 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Jack & Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy
    But Jack got a  shock and a mouthful of **** cause  Jills real name is Randy.
    You can't dispel Ignorance if you retain Arrogance!
  • YaksterYakster Posts: 25,527 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today. 

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  • YaksterYakster Posts: 25,527 ✭✭✭✭✭

    A group of guys were playing a round of golf..

    After 9 holes they stopped to have a cigar. So one of the guys opens his golf bag and pulls out 2 cigars and a great big lighter.

    His friend asks him "Hey, where did you get such a big lighter?"

    He responds "From my magic genie, of course!"

    Of course his friend doesn't believe him and says "you don't have a magic genie!"

    He responds with "yes I do! I'll prove it!,"

    So he goes over to his golf bag and unzips a compartment and POOF! And suddenly a genie appears!

    The genie tells his friend "to prove that I'm real, I'll give you one wish! Choose wisely!"

    So his friends thinks about it and says "okay, I wish for a million bucks!"

    Before you know it there are suddenly a whole bunch of ducks flying all around the golfers.

    The guy then says to his friend "Oh, I forgot to mention that my genie is hard of hearing. Do you think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today. 

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  • YaksterYakster Posts: 25,527 ✭✭✭✭✭

    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today. 

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  • peter4jcpeter4jc Posts: 15,315 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Once, there was this forum that was hosted by an online cigar retailer. They were a happy lot, those forum members, sharing their knowledge of tobacco and love of cigars in a most friendly way. Then, out of nowhere, came the forum boogeyman, turning things upside-down and helter-skelter. This joke has no punch line. It is lame.

    "I could've had a Mi Querida!"   Nick Bardis
  • webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭

    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • YaksterYakster Posts: 25,527 ✭✭✭✭✭

    From comedian Brad Williams

    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today. 

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  • YaksterYakster Posts: 25,527 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Quarantine sports

    I'll gladly bomb you Tuesday for an Opus today. 

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