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you can't make this stuff up

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  • webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭
    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • WylaffWylaff Posts: 5,369 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Gas fiend parrot murders mistress.

    It's a bit dated, but this is what news should be.
    "Cooking isn't about struggling; It's about pleasure. It's like sǝx, with a wider variety of sauces."

    At any given time the urge to sing "In The Jungle" is just a whim away... A whim away... A whim away...
  • deadmandeadman Posts: 8,855 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Latest strategy to rebuild the Democratic party:


    That oughta do it.

    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    "Who ya gonna call"

    Man arrested after repeatedly calling 911 about restaurant's small clams

    http://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/2017/12/25/man-arrested-after-repeatedly-calling-911-about-restaurants-small-clams.html
  • Sketch6995Sketch6995 Posts: 4,495 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Doctors report on things found inside the human body this year.

    https://adequateman.deadspin.com/what-did-we-get-stuck-in-our-rectums-last-year-1821393493

    R e c t u m

    • GOLF BALL
    • PEANUT BUTTER JAR
    • SPRAY BOTTLE
    • CURTAIN ROD
    • “STUCK A TOY UP HIS **** BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE WAS CONSTIPATED”
    • TOOTHBRUSH
    • TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER
    • FLOSS CONTAINER
    • MOUTHWASH BOTTLE
    • “AT A PARTY HAVING FUN WITH HIS MALE FRIENDS WHEN ONE PUT A SHOT GLASS UP HIS ****”
    • SMALL WOODEN KNICK-KNACK
    • SCREWDRIVER
    • PLASTIC FORK
    • TOY MISSILE
    • PLASTIC VIBRATING ****, CAN NOT TURN OFF
    • “ATTEMPTED TO DISLODGE A **** FROM HIS **** USING A LETTER OPENER”
    • CIGAR TUBE TO RELIEVE HEMORRHOIDS 
    • “FEELING LONELY, USED A MASCARA CONTAINER IN PLASTIC BAG, PUT IN ****”
    • TIN CUP
    • HAIR BRUSH
    • “WAS DRINKING WITH FRIENDS AND ‘GOT TO EXPERIMENTING,’ AIR FRESHENER CONTAINER STUCK IN ****”
    • MARBLES
    • A LARGE BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO
    • “SAT IN BATHTUB AND FELT SOMETHING GO INTO HER ****”
    • CAT FOOD CAN
    • BAG OF ORAL TOBACCO
    • “WATER BOTTLE IN ****, DOES THIS TO REDUCE ANXIETY”
    • 3 AA BATTERIES
    • 2 AAA BATTERIES
    • D BATTERY
    • “PATIENT SAID I HAVE A COIN IN MY A S S FROM A MONTH AGO”
    Vajayjay 

    • SCENTED SOAP
    • DEODORANT LID
    • “WAS CLEANING SELF IN SHOWER WHEN FOUND A TAMPON IN ****. CONCERNED THAT THERE IS ANOTHER TAMPON IN ****”
    • BOTTLECAP
    • **** RING WITH SPIKES ON IT
    • A PIECE OF RUSTY METAL
    • SILICON BALLS. PATIENT STATES IS FOR “YOU KNOW, FOR WHEN YOUR HUSBAND LEAVES TOWN”
    • A BALL
    • BIKE REFLECTOR
    • “ON PERIOD, INSERTED NON-BIRTH CONTROL SPONGE IN **** SO SHE COULD SWIM”
    • HEADPHONES
    • HOT TOWEL
    • “WAS HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH BOYFRIEND WHEN HE PUT PHONE AND MONEY IN ****”
    • CLAY
    • CANDLESTICK
    • LOLLIPOP
    • “USING MASSAGING URETHRAL VAGINAL STONE BALLS & THE STRING HOLDING 15 BALLS TOGETHER DISSOLVED, CAN ONLY FIND 14 BALLS”
    • TOY MAGIC WAND
    Ears

    • BOBBY PIN
    • SMALL RED TOY
    • “WAS RUNNING WITH A STICK IN EAR; FELL STRIKING WALL”
    • BREAD
    • BATTERY
    • “FELL ASLEEP WITH A PENCIL POKED IN HIS RIGHT EAR, PENCIL LEAD IN EAR CANAL”
    • BROOM STRAW
    • SLIM METAL ROD
    • “STUFFED PAPER TOWEL IN EARS TO ACT AS EAR PLUGS BECAUSE ROOMMATE WAS SNORING, UNABLE TO GET IT OUT OF EAR”
    • PUTTY
    • A BEAN
    • “GASOLINE IN LEFT EAR WHILE CHANGING FUEL FILTER”
    • PENCIL SHAVINGS
    • STEM OF A PLASTIC FLOWER
    • RAIN WATER
    • TWO STICKERS STUCK TOGETHER
    • “GOOGLY EYE INSIDE HIS RIGHT EAR, AND ANOTHER THROUGH NOSE”
    Throat 

    • OPEN SAFETY PIN
    • CIGARETTE
    • “A COUPLE PIECES OF DECORATIVE GLASS FROM A VASE”
    • DIARY KEY
    • EASTER EGG
    • “SWALLOWED STAPLES BECAUSE ‘ALIENS TOLD HER TO’”
    • AQUARIUM THERMOMETER
    • “SWALLOWED EARRING IN HER SLEEP THAT WAS IN MOUTH WHENSHE FELL ASLEEP”
    • SEWING NEEDLE
    • “SWALLOWED A PEN BECAUSE NO ONE PAID ATTENTION TO HIM”
    • ANGEL’S TRUMPET SEED PODS
    • GRITS
    • “A GOLDEN SHINY PENNY”
    • “WAS DOING A MAGIC TRICK AND ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED A QUARTER”
    • GROW CAPSULE
    • CONFETTI
    • “FOUND AFTER SWALLOWING 1/2 PACK OF GUM IN ROOM AT HOME, EMPTY WRAPPERS EVERYWHERE”
    • HOT SAUCE PACKET
    • “INJURED AFTER EATING CHARGING END OF CELL PHONE”
    • EARWIG
    • “SWALLOWED 3 PLASTIC PUSH-PINS IN A DARE AT SCHOOL, WON $15"
    P e n i s

    • A LITTLE SCREW
    • A SHARP TOY
    • FOUR INCH LONG METAL SEX TOY
    • PLASTIC SPOON
    • PIECE OF DOMINO
    • PIECE OF PLASTIC SHAMPOO BOTTLE
    • “PUT PAPERCLIP THROUGH URETHRA AND PUNCTURED THROUGH THE SHAFT OF ****”
    • COAXIAL CABLE
    I'm guessing that last guy works for comcast.....
    As for me......I think I'll just go watch TV.....
    WTF?
    The higher.......the fewer.  ( Alexander Rozhenko)

     What you can't forgive......you will become.
  • jlmartajlmarta Posts: 7,881 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A person needs to take anything authored by Dr. Mercola with more than a grain of salt. If you google him, you’ll find that he has a reputation as a ‘snake-Oil salesman’. On the other hand, some of the things he supports are legit. The problem is in being able to tell which is which. 
  • webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭
    jlmarta said:
    A person needs to take anything authored by Dr. Mercola with more than a grain of salt. If you google him, you’ll find that he has a reputation as a ‘snake-Oil salesman’. On the other hand, some of the things he supports are legit. The problem is in being able to tell which is which. 
    The fact that Big (Why is the word "Big" perjorative?) Pharma spends kajillions advertising new drugs on the toob creates a conflict of interest. Can any media network expect to continue receiving their lovely kajillion after reporting the dangers of the pecker pill du jour?

    Then again, how would media have known there were dangers before the damage was done?

    If you want to blame anything, blame our ravenous appetite for drugs.


    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    When the bill to legalize marijuana came up in TN it was defeated because the opioid makers lobbied against it. 


  • webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭
    jd50ae said:
    When the bill to legalize marijuana came up in TN it was defeated because the opioid makers lobbied against it. 



    AZ:
     https://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2016-09-08/fentanyl-maker-donates-big-to-campaign-opposing-pot-legalization
    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • Amos_UmwhatAmos_Umwhat Posts: 8,898 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A friend of mine who does research in this field tells me that the states which have legalized have seen approximately 30% reduction in opioid related deaths.  
    WARNING:  The above post may contain thoughts or ideas known to the State of Caliphornia to cause seething rage, confusion, distemper, nausea, perspiration, sphincter release, or cranial implosion to persons who implicitly trust only one news source, or find themselves at either the left or right political extreme.  Proceed at your own risk.  

    "If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed.  If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." --  Mark Twain
  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A friend of mine who does research in this field tells me that the states which have legalized have seen approximately 30% reduction in opioid related deaths.  

    ....and a huge increase in taxes, into the state coffers.....
    ....and it appears folks don't mind paying the taxes, they all seem to be smiling.....
  • TX98Z28TX98Z28 Posts: 2,448 ✭✭✭✭✭
    First the statues...now it's the "Racist Trees" no joke people, this is the most asinine thing I've even seen...LMFAO!
    http://video.foxnews.com/v/5693540654001/?#sp=show-clips
    If you quote me do the @TX98Z28 in your text or I won't be notified of your quote, Thanks.
  • webmostwebmost Posts: 7,713 ✭✭✭✭✭

    TRUMP AND THE NAZIS STOLE CHRISTMAS TO PROMOTE WHITE NATIONALISM


    per Newsweek:

    http://www.newsweek.com/how-trump-nazis-stole-christmas-promote-white-nationalism-755991


    “It has been a source of great pain to me to have met with so many among [my] opponents who had not the liberality to distinguish between political and social opposition; who transferred at once to the person, the hatred they bore to his political opinions.” —Thomas Jefferson (1808)


  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    webmost said:

    TRUMP AND THE NAZIS STOLE CHRISTMAS TO PROMOTE WHITE NATIONALISM


    per Newsweek:

    http://www.newsweek.com/how-trump-nazis-stole-christmas-promote-white-nationalism-755991



    Better get Mueller on this right away.

    Why do the liberals want Trump to fire MuleFace so much?

    Do you think it is so they can unleash the sheeple? 
    They already have planned an uprising if he is fired.
    Riots, demonstrations, marches and a whole contingent of donating shysters all ready to go..

    Nope, that ain't the reason at all, though the xxxxxxxx in charge would love it. 
    It is because the longer Mueller goes the more skulduggery, lies, corruption and truth comes out about the xxxxxxxx and xxxxxxxxx, and no other reason. 

    But with so many living and dying on what the msm reports, which is next to nothing, or ignored all together, the sheeple are in the dark.
  • Bob_LukenBob_Luken Posts: 10,833 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2017
    I don't golf, but just in case I ever do, I'd much rather look at a row of trees than ANY house. It doesn't matter if it's the white house or an outhouse. 

    That being said, there is much more to this story than is evident from the eye grabbing Fox headlines "Racist Trees!".  

    I don't live next to a golf course, but if I did I'd hate to have these trees bordering my property, They spread and encroach, and are dropping huge amounts of (needles?) whatever it is that they shed. They are definitely an invasive species and also look like a real fire hazard. 

    Watch the video on this webpage if you want to see a closer look at this story.  
    http://www.golf.com/tour-news/2017/12/20/city-officials-commit-removing-racist-trees-golf-course-palm-springs




  • dirtdudedirtdude Posts: 5,862 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2017
    Racists trees? Are the white pines, white birch, aspens? Bastids. I am sure a black oak wouldn't be racist.
    A little dirt never hurt
  • Amos_UmwhatAmos_Umwhat Posts: 8,898 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I've got a Black Walnut down in the woods with a huge vine hanging from it.  Should I be worried?
    WARNING:  The above post may contain thoughts or ideas known to the State of Caliphornia to cause seething rage, confusion, distemper, nausea, perspiration, sphincter release, or cranial implosion to persons who implicitly trust only one news source, or find themselves at either the left or right political extreme.  Proceed at your own risk.  

    "If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed.  If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." --  Mark Twain
  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I've got a Black Walnut down in the woods with a huge vine hanging from it.  Should I be worried?

    You would be better off worrying about the KUDZU I planted on your property in the wee hours.
  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Do not know if this is true or not.


  • Amos_UmwhatAmos_Umwhat Posts: 8,898 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Wow, for the very first time I might feel empathy for a serial killer.  Kind of nauseous, but,...wow.
    WARNING:  The above post may contain thoughts or ideas known to the State of Caliphornia to cause seething rage, confusion, distemper, nausea, perspiration, sphincter release, or cranial implosion to persons who implicitly trust only one news source, or find themselves at either the left or right political extreme.  Proceed at your own risk.  

    "If you do not read the newspapers you're uninformed.  If you do read the newspapers, you're misinformed." --  Mark Twain
  • Bob_LukenBob_Luken Posts: 10,833 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Fake news, clickbait, fakey fake fake. But, uh, don't it sound just like that show dexter? Vigilante serial killer. Maybe you guys would enjoy that show. I watched one episode. Best I can tell, he only kills people who deserve it. 
  • YaksterYakster Posts: 27,916 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I was thinking the same, Dexter came out only 11 years ago, though.  Good show, nasty business.
    Join us on Zoom vHerf (Meeting # 2619860114 Password vHerf2020 )
  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • YankeeManYankeeMan Posts: 2,654 ✭✭✭✭✭
    jd50ae said:
    Late entry for the 2017 Darwin awards!
  • jd50aejd50ae Posts: 7,900 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Works for me.


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